Dear Diary
by Dana-Eliza
Summary: Deidara gets to know the other members of Akatsuki and writes about it in his diary. Crack fic. Plotless, don't go look for one. Cover belongs to DeidaraLittleMonster. If this story ever reach a thousand reviews, and I don't expect it to, then that person will get a personal crack fic!
1. Chapter 1

Deidara gets to know the other members of Akatsuki and writes about it in his diary. It's really weird, but I had fun writing it. I hope it's even somewhat funny.

You can imagine yourself how old Deidara is.

...

Dear Diary,

Today I went into Konan's room and used some of her makeup.

I liked the eyeliner the best so I took it. She's still looking forit.

I thought she was smarter than that.

Love, Deidara

...

Dear Diary,

Today I asked Kisame if he liked fish sticks. I had to run for my life,

because he came after me with a murderous glint in his eye,

waving Samehada around my head. I never got to finish my joke

and tell him he's a gay fish.

Love, Deidara

...

Dear Diary,

Today I heard some strange noises coming from Hidan's room.

I thought he was doing a ritual, so being the curious kid I knocked.

He told me not to come in and a few minutes later Kakuzu came walking

out looking a bit flushed. I peeked inside and saw Hidan's head lying on the floor,

separated from his body, yelling that Kakuzu was a bastard and

needed to sow them back together. I still don't know what happened.

Love, Deidara

...

Dear Diary,

Today I asked Itachi if he ever masturbated. His emotionless look stayed

and then pushed me down the stairs. I guess he does.

Love, Deidara

...

Dear Diary,

Today I asked Sasori if I could play with one of his puppets. I broke it.

Do you think he will find out if I just blow it up?

Love, Deidara

...

Dear Diary,

Today I went to Kakuzu and asked for some money to buy more clay.

He gave me a smack in the head and pointed out some play doh.

How does he think this will work?

Love, Deidara

...

Dear Diary,

Today I went to see Pein and asked if he and Konan wanted to have any babies.

He stared at me like I was some kind of idiot and told me he was dead.

I still don't get it. How can he be walking around then? I need to investigate.

Love, Deidara

...

Dear Diary,

Today I told Zetsu that the flowers on the coffee table have a crush on him.

He's been staring lovingly and whispering cute words to them ever since.

It's really creeping me out.

Love, Deidara

...

Dear Diary,

Today I wanted to play with Tobi, having nothing better to do. He grumbled something

about me being an annoying little kid and walked away. I don't get it?

Does he have a split personality or something, because he's the grown man

acting like a 5 year old most of the time.

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Diary,

Today I even offered Kisame some fish sticks, so I could find out if he liked them.

This time he grabbed them and started weeping,

saying he would give them a proper burial. I guess he does like fish sticks,

but not to put them in his mouth.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

I started investigating Pein today. I sat down next to him at the dining table

and wanted to plant my fork in his hand. If he really was dead he wouldn't bleed, right?

It didn't work out so well, 'cause he replaced his hand in his lap.

The other thing I noticed was that he didn't eat. That's a clue too, right?

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today the plants on the coffee table went missing and

I haven't seen Zetsu in a while.

Do you think something's up or did the flowers just die?

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I went into Konan's room again, trying some new stuff out.

She has a lot of kinky clothes for someone who doesn't show it.

I especially liked the leather bra, but it didn't fit quite well.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I made a clay puppet out of play doh for Kakuzu.

I used a lot of different colors to make it look like a clown.

I think Kakuzu loved it until it blew up.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I ran into Tobi and this time he wanted to play with me.

I told him I only played with other annoying kids. He told me I was going crazy and

I should just make some more clay dolls to relax. Nobody calls my art dolls,

so I made him a nice present. Unfortunately it was still made out of play doh and he actually loved the colors.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I borrowed some of Hidan's secret porn stash and laid it on Itachi's bed.

I'm avoiding stairs now, but I haven't seen Itachi around for a while.

Maybe he really was having fun with them.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today Hidan found out I had stolen his secret porn stash and demanded them back.

I asked him why, but he just blushed a bright red and said he needed them f-ing back.

I started whining like every normal person would do and

he finally said it was because there were some movies on there only he and Kakuzu could see.

What did he mean by that?

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today Sasori asked about his puppet and if he could have it back.

I told him I still wanted to play with it, but he still wanted it back.

I ran away from him screaming, flailing my arms around my head.

Do you think he suspects something?

Love, Deidara


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for all the lovely reviews! I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds this funny. Enjoy Deidara's third diary.

Is it just me or do you also see Deidara sitting at his desk, writing in his diary with his tongue sticking out and when he tries to think he places a finger on his chin and lookes up. Crazy right?

...

Dear Diary,

Today was one of the weirdest days yet. Zetsu and the flowers

from the coffee table got married. I was the ring bearer,

because I had introduced them. I don't know if I was too happy about this,

but I was happier than the bride herself. She looked rather dead and brown.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I tried to pretend I was Sasori's puppet, because I had blown the other one up.

He didn't believe me and asked for the real puppet.

I did the running, screaming and flailing arms again to not look suspicious.

Do you think it worked?

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I asked Itachi if he could give me Hidan's secret porn stash back,

because he had been whining about it. Itachi blinked at me ones

and then gave it to me. He has been following me around the base ever since.

Still avoiding stairs, just in case.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I tried giving Hidan his secret porn stash back, but his door was locked.

Just when I was about to knock I heard strange noises.

As any normal person would do I tried listening in, but it didn't make the sound any clearer.

I sounded like someone was saying the letter A a lot.

Maybe someone was giving him a body check. I'll return the porn later.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I tried talking to Kisame again, because he's been rather down

due to the whole fish sticks incident. He said I had to make it up to him,

so I gave him some of my sushi. He suddenly started crying and yelling.

How was I suppose to know sushi is raw fish?'

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I blew up Tobi. It was funny, because he screamed his ass was on fire.

I didn't even know he knew the word ass.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today Konan found out I was the one stealing her stuff. She got mad at first,

but she had to admit that her leather skirt looked better on me.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today Kakuzu finally understood I didn't want play doh, but normal clay.

He put some new clay on my desk, grumbling along the way.

I guess he didn't like the fact that I blew his money up with a figurine that looked like Hidan.

I even got the purple eyes right!

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

I am hiding in my closet at the moment. I was investigating Pein again and

I thought if he really was dead he wouldn't sleep, right?

I found out he still went to bed and when I was about to yell that I had found out,

I turned and saw 5 other Peins. 5! This must be some sort of zombie attack,

so I believe I'm the safest in this closet. When do you think they'll stop needing brain?

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Diary,

Today Itachi asked me out. I started screaming, ran away from him,

flailing my arms around my head. I think this should be my trademark from now one.

I am again avoiding stairs.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I was spying on Tobi. I wanted to know what his real face looked like.

The only thing I found out was how his mask fits on my face and

that I can't see a thing through the damn eyehole. Mission failed.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I made a thank you clay Kakuzu for Kakuzu.

He was really thankful until it blew up in his face.

*Insert evil laugh*

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I finally had the guts to talk to Pein again. I said, very smartly,

'please don't eat my brain!' and then did my trademarkthingy.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today Sasori helped me with a new jutsu. He was really nice to me and

even offered me some water. It tasted funny, but was nice nonetheless.

I feel kinda sick though. I think I'm going to puke for a second. Talk to you later.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I gave Hidan his secret porn stash back. He asked me if I saw what was on there

and after that offered me to watch it. I said no, because his smile was really creeping me out.

I told him Itachi would love to watch it though. Maybe I don't have to avoid stairs anymore.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today Konan invited me over into her room. She was being really nice and

I went along with it. Maybe I shouldn't have, because I'm currently dressed in a pink froufrou dress.

I think she's using me as the girlfriend she doesn't have.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I went fishing. I had caught a lot of big ones and was really happy about it.

Right until Kisame came storming towards me. He yelled at me for hating fish and

asked me if I had a problem with him. I thought honesty would be the best,

so I told him his blue skin creeped me out, but that he was a very nice and sensitive person.

He started crying right away. I was very happy about that. I told you he was a very sensitive person.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I was walking through the hallway and almost tripped over some flowers

growing out of the floor. I wanted to rip them out, but when I tried to grab them they ran away.

I guess the flowers from the coffee table weren't as dead as I thought.

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for all the great reviews! I'm really happy you are all enjoying this as much as I am. If you have any ideas, do tell, I'm running out of ideas for certain people.

...

Dear Diary,

Today Konan took me out shopping. I was really excited.

Up until she dragged me into a lingerie store and start trying on new bras.

She said that she liked the fact I was gay,

so I could tell her what looked good on her without getting turned on.

Why the hell does she think I'm gay?

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I saw Zetsu teaching his flower kids how to eat a piece of Hidan's arm.

Should I be worried about this, because I'm not looking forward to

an army full of flesh eating flowers.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I made the mistake of getting close to stairs. Itachi pushed me off one,

but he surprised me after that. He came down and asked if I was okay.

I nodded and then he asked me out again.

I played the I-totally-forgot-who-you-are-because-you-pushed-me-down-the-stairs card.

He bought it and has been taking care of me ever since. He's really sweet when he feels guilty.

He even sleeps with me in the same bed, just to make sure I'm okay.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today Kisame had stayed in his room all day long and because

I'm such I nice person I tried to cheer him up. So I went out and bought him a cat.

When I gave it to him he was really happy.

He even started crying again when I fed the cat some tuna. He must have thought it looked really cute.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I found out Tobi has been playing too much with Zetsu.

He has developed a second identity he calls Madara.

How am I ever going to explain to him it's all in his head? Just great, another idiot in Akatsuki.

I'm wondering if I'm the only normal one around here.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I found out Sasori knows I blew up his puppet.

He asked if he could borrow my clay and when I used it my hand mouths got sick.

The bastard tried to poison me! I'm taking revenge now, by blowing up another one of his puppets.

That will show him! Now where did I put that clay?

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I went to Pein and offered him a piece of my brain.

I wanted to be a good Akatsuki member and knew that's would it took to be one.

He looked at me funny and said he didn't want it. So now my brain is not good enough for him?

I mean, my brain is still fresh and young, not stuffed with useless information and

I'm pretty sure I'm one of the smartest around here. He should be happy to eat my brain.

But nooo, he had to decline. Bastard.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I found Hidan's porn stash on my bed.

When I turned around he was standing in the doorway, giving me a creepy smile.

I'm afraid to return it to him now.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today Kakuzu was mad at me for blowing his stuff up all the time,

so he confiscated my clay. Unfortunately he didn't know Sasori had put poison in it.

It's been spreading through his body for hours now and I'm waiting for him to pass out.

I will get that clay back!

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Diary,

Today Kakuzu finally gave in to the poison. He ran towards the bathroom and

after that I heard loads of puking sounds. Now I only have to get the poison out of my clay and

I could use it freely again. At least I now have the time to think about new ways of blowing him up.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I spent some time with Kisame and his cat. I asked him if he had thought of

a name for the cat and said I should give him one. I called him gayfish after the joke

I had been trying to tell him for days. He threatened he would kill me when we were alone.

He didn't want to scare gayfish. So considered of him.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I found out I shouldn't have watched Hidan's secret porn stash.

I am scarred for life. I can not even look him in the eye anymore, let alone give it back to him.

What am I supposed to do now? I didn't want to see Hidan and Kakuzu in such a position,

but the picture won't get out of my head.

Love, a very scarred Deidara(Oh, shit Hidan is standing behind me)

…

Dear Diary,

Today I took revenge on Sasori. I have switched all of his poison with grape-juice.

He's been watching me drink it for hours now and I think he's really freaking out.

That will teach him to mess with me.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I tried convincing Konan I wasn't gay. I started shaving myself in her bathroom.

I had never done this before, so it was quite the experience.

I really wished someone had told me men do not shave their legs.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I tried explaining to Tobi that Madara did not exist.

He told me I was going crazy and that of course Madara didn't exist.

So Tobi has a split personality he knows nothing about.

How am I going to get him out of this now? I should read some books about this.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I tried seducing Pein into eating my brain. I brushed my hair out in front of him and

asked him for a head massage. Soon he'll be craving my brain and then I will deny him.

I will make him feel the pain I felt when he denied me!

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today one of Zetsu's flowerkids came running into my room and started nibbling on my leg.

I kicked it away and Zetsu caught it. He whispered something about 'not yet, child. But soon, very soon.'

I believe I will be moving out as soon as possible.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I was very suspicious of Itachi. He still thinks I lost my memory and

said he needed to help me shower. So I undressed and stepped in.

He then did the same and got in behind me. His closeness is really creeping me out.

Is this really normal when someone has amnesia?

I think he just grabbed my butt!

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto


	7. Chapter 7

My lovely readers, I'm really glad you are all enjoying this so much. I get really excited when I see another positive review. Laughing out loud in front of the computer is okay. Just remember you are not as crazy as our little blonde is. Now for already the seventh installment of Deidara's Diary.

...

Dear Diary,

Today Hidan tried to explain what I saw on the videotape.

I never asked for a explanation. I really need some tips to get out of here.

He's even inviting Kakuzu now, so he can show me some things.

I don't want have more vivid images than I already have! Save me!

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I was tricked, by Itachi. He found out I was faking my amnesia and

said I had to make it up to him. You know what happened then.

I am currently on a date with him and he's telling me to stop writing in my little book.

I believe I can do what I want on a date. He's even trying to grab it now.

What a bast…

…

Dear Diary,

Today I tried luring out Tobi's second personality. I tried having a serious conversation with him,

didn't work. I tried getting him mad, well, he doesn't get mad. I tried tickling him to death,

but I think he actually liked that. He's been following me around the base ever since,

jumping me once in a while and tickling me. This is getting really annoying.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I found new ways of annoying Kakuzu. Instead of blowing him up,

I blow things around him up. The bottle of milk, BANG. The newspaper, BANG.

His pillow, BANG. The toilet he's currently sitting on… *evil snicker

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today Pein snapped at me. He yelled at me that he didn't want to eat my brain.

I ran away, arms flailing around my head, but instead of screaming, I cried.

I felt really sad… and now he will feel bad and will eat my brain. Succes!

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today Konan asked me if she could brush my hair. Liking the way she pampered me I let her.

Now I have these weird red and purple streaks in my hair, glitter everywhere and

she made some weird looking braids. My hair will never look normal again!

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today Kisame's cat escaped out of his room. I helped him searching for it,

so was calling: Gayfish, come here boy, Gayfish. Hidan caught me calling that and

told me Kisame was right behind me. Hidan is again headless and we still haven't found Gayfish.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I found out messing with Sasori isn't such a good idea.

He has been so worried about his poisons not working anymore,

that he's been examining me all day. He's currently taking swaps of my handmouths and it tickles.

I'm really afraid of the knives that still lie on the table.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

I have been listening in on Zetsu. I found out that he plans on eating every member of the Akatsuki today.

So now I'm packing all my stuff. I want to make sure I'm out of here when the killing starts.

Did the door just close? Was that the lock? I'm screwed.

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

I'm thinking about doing the next one out of Itachi's point of view, since he grabbed the diary out of Deidara's hands. What do you think? More of the blonde or someone else's diary?


	8. Chapter 8

Hello everyone. Thanks for being so enthousiastic about this one. These are Itachi's thoughts about our still locked up blonde. This one is also a bit longer.

...

Dear Deidara's Diary,

You must think I have stolen you from your rightful owner. This is not the case.  
You were slid out from under his door and I simply picked you up.  
Apparently Deidara is stuck in his room, because Zetsu locked him in. I will free him later.  
Apparently Deidara had also found out Zetsu's children were going to eat us,  
but instead of destroying them he simply wanted to outrun them.  
We actually almost had them all. Oh, wait, one of them came running by.  
Well, nothing a good fireball jutsu can't fix.

Anyways, I also read some of the other things Deidara put in here.  
It was kind of disturbing. I have to tell you that I am not forcing him to do anything.  
He had amnesia and I had to take care of him, so showering counts to.  
I can not help it that he places his butt in my hand. What was I supposed to do? Not squeeze?  
And also Deidara had a lot of fun on the date, I'm sure of it.  
He even let me carry him back to his room. Of course one of the reasons he let me was,  
because I knocked him out with his own diary. I believe that was the first time we met.  
Do you think Deidara will let me kiss him on the next date?

Now for another part. Maybe we should tell the blonde about Tobi being fake.  
Madara would not appreciate it, but I believe that Deidara will find out sooner or later.  
You disagree? Maybe you're right, he isn't that smart. That's what's so cute about him.  
I'll let him have his fun with Tobi for a little bit longer.

So I see that Deidara has been the one making my partner rather depressed.  
He has been of no use on missions, crying about some gayfish.  
Apparently it's a cat and they lost it. I believe he's sitting here right in front of me.  
He's been watching my every move. I just poked him in the head, but he kept looking.  
Maybe he thinks I'm literally a raven. If he does something, I will use my sharingan on him.  
I am not responsible for anything that happens to Gayfish.

Alright, so this part kind of disturbed me. Hidan wants Deidara to watch his porn.  
I know for a fact it are tapes of him and Kakuzu and it is definitely not a pretty sight.  
I have to keep him away from my boyfriend or else he might really harm him and be to no use for me.  
Yes, I went there. I called him my boyfriend, shoot me.

Konan has been dressing him up like a girl, huh. And he has shaved legs.  
Konan even figured out he was definitely gay. This information is helpful.  
I should go talk to her, maybe she will lend me her leather skirt.  
Only the thought already makes me want to eat the blonde.

Deidara is blowing up things around here. I see, that is why the toilet's not working anymore.  
I should really learn him some manners, but he had every right though.  
Who would switch his clay for play doh? That is just wrong.  
Although, I'm sure he would craft some gorgeous things.  
Hidan's eyes must have been really pretty before it blew up.

Why on earth does he think Pein is a zombie? Wait, if you think about it,  
he is kind of a zombie. But that doesn't mean he wants to eat our brains, right?  
I'm suspicious now. He has been paying a lot of attention to me lately.  
Of course I am the smartest one around here. I would be a real treat.  
I should take a look in that closet of Deidara. It's supposed to be save.

Well, that serves him right. Deidara shouldn't have broken Sasori's doll.  
Ow, I just got hit with a wooden finger. Oh, right puppet not doll.  
But I still must say it's very clever switching Sasori's poisons with grape-juice.  
The color is the same and it tastes nice if you have to drink it.  
Maybe I'll join Deidara in this piece of fun. It could be our second date.  
It's already making me very happy. I'm almost smiling.

I must say you have been very interesting company.  
Have you enjoyed my writing as much as Deidara's?  
It must be nice having someone with a bit of intellect talking to you.  
Deidara is a sweetheart, but not very bright, but hot as hell.

I'll make an escape route for him on the bottom of this page.  
I'll lead him to my room, telling him it's save there.  
Maybe I can finally have some alone time with him.  
I only have to slide it back under his door and unlock it.  
He will be fine, right?

I bit you good day, Itachi Uchiha

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So now for the next chapter. You have given me some ideas for the next one. Some of you really want to see back the blonde and I would want to continue with him and Sasori being on the road for a mission. He will run into many different people and maybe you have ideas who you want him to run into. I don't care if it doesn't ad up to the anime.

SpunkyPaperAngel came with the idea that every member of akatsuki got his hands on the diary and Angelic Visage came with the idea of letting Zetsu explain things. I could be locked in with Zetsu and Zetsu would grab the diary, also reading all of his children had been killed. And after that the idea of JaggerMania would set in. The blondes failed escape attempt.

Well, let me know what you want to read and I hope you also enjoyed Itachi's diary even if it was a bit different.


	9. Chapter 9

__Well, this is my Zetsu entry. The _italic_ part is black Zetsu and the normal fond is white Zetsu.

_...  
_

_Okay, what the hell is this?_ It seems like it's a diary.  
_How would you even know what that is? _ It says so on the top of the page.  
_What's it do?_ You can obviously write your problems in here.  
I believe it belongs to Deidara. Oh, but Itachi wrote in here too.  
Why don't you read everything that's in here and I write something for Deidara.

_He wrote about our first meeting with Coffee Table Flowers.  
_Ah, that was a perfect day. Coffee Table Flowers is the best thing that's ever happened to us.  
I can't believe we hadn't noticed her before. I mean she was standing right in front of us.  
_We were just to blind to see, but Deidara showed us the truth._  
How long are we keeping him tight up like that?  
_When our children have eaten the rest of the Akatsuki members.  
He helped us getting them, so we owe him._

_Ah, he wrote about our wedding day. _Coffee Table Flowers looked so beautiful,  
even if the stress made her look a bit brown. She was the most beautiful woman in the room.  
I miss her. _Yeah, me too._

_Oh, the day when Deidara first met our children. _Well, it was hard keeping an eye on all of them.  
After Coffee Table Flowers died during childbirth we just had our hands full and then they grew up.  
The little buggers running around with not a care in the world.  
I remember Hidan being tackled by one and losing an arm. _They learned so fast._

_Apparently Deidara caught us feeding the arm to the children.  
_Well, it's not that abnormal. We eat humans too, why wouldn't our children do the same.  
We had to be a good example. _Unfortunately Hidan noticed we had his arm. Bye Bye lesson.  
_Yeah, we actually had to go hunting after that. We couldn't keep an eye on the children.  
_That's why one of them wanted to eat Deidara. Oh, he wrote about that too.  
_Well, at least we saved him in time. He's still here, isn't he? _I think he just escaped.  
_Oh. Ah well, we will find him later.

_We are now at Itachi's part. I believe he's in love with Deidara. _Ah, I'm happy for them.  
Nothing is as splendid as love. _I'm not sure if Deidara loves him back, though. _Oh, then it's kind of sad.  
_He wrote something about us too. HE FIREBALLED OUR CHILDREN! _Now now, it can't be that bad.  
_NO, NO, IT SAYS RIGHT HERE! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!_ I believe he's not the only one, so we must kill them all.  
_Fine, fine, we will kill them all. Now let's hurry! _ Okay but you need to say something sweet to the diary before you go.  
_What do you mean? _ Well, Deidara says love and Itachi wished him a good day. _ Just say something then!_

Okay, okay. Well, diary thank you for all the information and memories.  
We enjoyed reading you. _Why are you taking so long? _ I'm almost finished, god!  
And we wish you a happy life, Zetsu

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Well, I hope you all enjoyed it. This was pretty hard to write. And yes his wife was called Coffee Table Flowers. Very creative.

Who do you want to see as the next entry? Let me know!


	10. Chapter 10

Sasori's entry. I found it more logical if Sasori came looking for Deidara in his room rather than Hidan. Hidan will be the next one up though!

...

So this is Deidara's diary, huh. Why am I writing this down? Is this some sort of jutsu?  
I must say it works calming. I'll just write some more.

Well hello there, Diary,

How are you? I'm very good. No, Zetsu's children did not bother me.  
I'm still made out of wood of course. They did try to nibble on me and left some teeth marks.  
I had to stop them from doing that, but I've been really insecure about my poisons lately.  
I mean Deidara didn't even react when he drank liters of it. How will this ever be okay again?  
I'm so depressed.

I should read some of Deidara's entries? They are funny, because he's dumb?  
Well, no arguing there. I can't believe he has to be my partner.  
I should ask Itachi if he wants to trade? Alright, I'll read his entry too. First Deidara's parts.

I knew he blew up my puppet! I never should have given it to him!  
It still was a horrible puppet, but he shouldn't have blown it up! This makes me so angry!  
True, I'm not depressed anymore. I'll continue reading now.

I thought the running away from me, screaming and flailing his arms was weird.  
I just thought he was practicing his damsel in distress role. I heard he wanted to audition, from Konan.  
Oh, I was mistaken. Konan wants him to be a girl. I could imagine that. He would make a very pretty girl.

He was drinking grape juice! He fooled me. Very clever. I judge him wrong and you too diary.  
He isn't that dumb. You should be nicer about your friend.  
He has written pages full of crap in you and you're not being very nice about him.  
He is still a good ninja, although his view of art is crap and always will be crap.  
It's funny he even writes in a diary and not blows it up afterwards. Should ask about that.

Itachi wrote something about me too? He wants to join the grape juice fun,  
well then I'll give them some fun on their second date. Wait, second date? They are dating?  
Boyfriends? When did this happen? I thought I could marry Deidara and make him my slave(puppet).  
This messes everything up. I'm not sure who I'm going after first, Deidara or Itachi.

Zetsu has an entry too? Oh, he's already after Itachi. Might as well let him do the job.  
I'll go find Deidara now. I bet he's hiding in the kitchen. He thinks that's smart,  
because flesh eating flowers would never cook their meat.  
Yeah, I don't know where he gets the idea from.

I think I'll torture him some more. I'll tell him I need to examine him again and  
because he doesn't want to confess his lie, he will come with me.  
I could use that new thing I've made, could be really fun and I'm dying to try it out.  
This is going to be great!

Well, diary. Thank you for all the information you have provided me with.  
I will bring you to the kitchen, so when I can't find him there, you can give me tips.

Stay away from Zetsu's babies and farewell, Sasori

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So I made Sasori have conversations with the diary. I was thinking it's kind of weird they all want to write in it, instead of looking for the person they were after. I think the diary is sort of addictive to, maybe I'll play with that some more.

I'll promise again, next one will be Hidan's. If I still have some time left today, I'll try to write it. Otherwise it will be here tomorrow!


	11. Chapter 11

This one is for DarkAngelJudas, sorry that I didn't make it yesterday. I hope you like it!  
JaggerMania asked for Pein, but I want him to be one of the later chapters. I'd like to have more people think their brains are in danger^^  
For Germany-sama and Prussia-sama Zetsu does have hands. I can't tell you when you'll see it, because I don't want to spoil anything. You just have to trust me on this one!  
And in honor of SpunkyPaperAngel I'll do Kisame's up next, because she loves Gayfish and I already have some great ideas for him. I was also wondering if all of you know why I called him Gayfish? Otherwise I will explain the joke in the next chapter!

And now Hidan's diary:

...

Dear _bleep_ing Diary,

What the _bleep_? Why can't I scold? What is this _bleep_? Well, call me _bleep_,  
swing me over a _bleep_, smack me in the _bleep_ and make me feel loads of _bleep_.  
I definitely didn't expect this. How can a diary even have a system like this?  
I don't like this thing. Why did Sasori even left it behind?  
Well, he had his hands full with the little blonde _bleep_.  
I can't even use that word! It's my favorite one! This _bleep_s.

Let's see what else this _bleep_ing thing says. So it is actually the _bleep_'s diary.  
He didn't even stole my porn for himself, but for Itachi. Pretty considerate,  
but a bit _bleep_ing creepy. Not too weird Itachi thinks Deidara likes him.  
If Kakuzu offered me some porn, I would definitely think he is in to me.  
Oh wait, the _bleep_er is. You know this bleeping thing really takes the edge of my sentences.  
It's really not cool, man.

Itachi thinks I will scar the blonde with my tapes. Well, I've got news for him,  
the _bleep_er already saw them. He should be grateful. If I keep this up  
the blonde will be an expert by the time Itachi needs him.  
I can teach the _bleep_ everything I know. I mean I could teach him how to _bleep_  
or that little trick with your finger and then it goes in the _bleep_ and causes a lot of _bleep_ing.  
Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

What else did the _bleep _write in this thing? Oh Konan, dirty girl. Good idea.  
Dressing the blonde up and stuff. Maybe she will dress up me too for Kakuzu.  
I bet he would like that. Unfortunately I don't have the frail body the blonde _bleep_ has.  
I bet I won't even fit in those things. Maybe she can do something with my hair.  
Oh, wait no. She messed up the _bleep_'s hair.

So he's been pissing Kakuzu off. I knew it had to do with the loud bangs I heard all the time.  
Should have figured it was the _bleep_. He alone could do these things.  
Ah well, at least it got me some rough _bleep_. I can't even say that?  
What the _bleep_ is this!

Kisame has a cat named Gayfish? That's pretty sad. So you can say _bleep_.  
Hey, why couldn't I say it now? Stupid diary. I thinks it's still pretty stupid they didn't look in Itachi's room.  
I think it is obvious why it's there. He thinks Itachi's hair is a play toy and he wants to eat it.  
The red eyed _bleep_er should have cut it.

So Pein eats brains, huh. Like he would want to scar my pretty face only to eat my brain.  
Wait I could heal! He's going after my brain first! Nobody would notice I even lost it.  
I would be walking around like the dumbest person ever! No, this can't _bleep_ing be happening.  
I need to hide somewhere. The blonde _bleep_'s closet is the most safe, I'll go there then.

You know I really hated Zetsu for giving my arm to his children.  
Of course I also took revenge by killing some of them. I guess he will stop by and try and kill me.  
Like he could beat the red eyed _bleep_er. He just has to fireball his _bleep_ too.  
I'll be fine staying here in the kitchen. Wait where did my left arm go?  
Those stupid flowers! I will get the little _bleep_ing _bleep_er _bleep_s.

Loads of _bleep_ing love, Hidan

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

I think I did a good job keeping this T-rated^^


	12. Chapter 12

I'm not so sure if this one is even funny... I really tried so I hope you all like it. I'm so sorry SpunkyPaperAngel if I messed this one up!

Oh, I also noticed I didn't do anything about the lay-out in the last two updates. I fixed those and will give this one the diary lay-out again!

...

Dear Diary,

I feel very sorry for you. I can't believe you are Deidara's property.  
Does he even treat you right? I mean if I look at the things he does to me,  
what would he do to the one he really cares about, his diary.  
I bet he blows books up right in front of you. I know, I know, you may cry.

It was pretty nice of him to give me a cat, though. I didn't like the name at first,  
but it kind of grow on me. Gayfish. Yes, it fits him perfectly. He's still missing though.  
I miss him a lot. He was the only friendly person in this entire house.  
You know what I mean, right? I'll read some of Deidara's stories.

Ah, I like Konan. Serves Deidara right. He should have been nicer to others,  
maybe she would have been better to him then. I'd like to see him in that leather skirt.

He actually asked Itachi if he masturbated and gave him porn!  
That's the dumbest thing you could possibly do.  
Itachi doesn't see the difference between asking weird questions and flirting.  
No wonder Itachi has been stalking Deidara. Well, it would be nice if they dated.  
Maybe now Deidara would leave me alone.

Of course I am not the only one being terrorized by him.  
Kakuzu is in even more trouble than I am. Getting blown up all the time is really painful.  
He should have lost some hearts that way. He's probably just an inch away of stealing Deidara's.  
I wonder what his nature would be? Annoying perhaps?

Oh my, Pein is a zombie. Okay that freaks me out. My brain would be like sushi, right?  
He would definitely eat mine first! This is all becoming a bit fishy.  
I will hide in Deidara's closet as well. He has not been found out yet.

Ah, yes Zetsu. He lost a lot of his children today. Wait, they better not have eaten my cat!  
I will kill him if they did! I have to find Gayfish! But first finish reading this diary.

Sasori thinks his poisons doesn't work. Okay that's a genius prank.  
I could already see his face. Blank, because his puppet face doesn't really show any emotions.  
Kind of boring if you think about it. He's kind of stuck up to. I don't really like him.

All I have to say about Hidan is, he's a slut, Kakuzu's slut.  
I hate the fact I share a wall with his room. They make way too much noise and I can't sleep.  
Maybe that's why Gayfish ran away. I would have done the same if I had the option.

Hey, Itachi wrote in this too! Gayfish is in his room! Of course he would go there.  
It is the last place Deidara would go and we know how much Gayfish hated him.  
He was way too loud. Hidan also has a point though. Itachi's hair kind of looks like a cat toy.  
Especially since it grew out over the summer. If he shakes his head a bit too hard  
he hits himself in the face with his hair. It's really entertaining on boring missions.  
Itachi what's over there. Oh, no it's over there now. Wait, it's back to the left again. Ah, yes fun.

Well, I have to go find Gayfish now, before someone eats him.

Thank you so much for the information and I'm sure Gayfish thanks you too.

With love, Kisame

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Just a Vaati Fan girl asked which one would be up next. There were two votes for Tobi/Madara, so I think that one. After him we have left Konan, Kakuzu and Pein. Pein will be last, so now you can vote on who you want to see after Tobi.

Of course after Pein, Deidara will claim his diary ones again and blow everyone up or something... I was still thinking of him and Sasori going on a mission and meeting other Ninja. I mean what the hell would happen if our lovely dumb blonde would meet Killer B?

Tell me what you think!


	13. Chapter 13

Because I felt kind of bad due to the last one, I made another one today! So two updates in one day^^ I hope you'll like Tobi/ Madara

Oh and yes Germany-sama and Prussia-sama Pein will definitely eat your brain! If you do not give me great reviews! Be warned, because he is under my command! Totally kidding, but I liked your little dialogue^^

...

Oh, Tobi found a diary! Who's would it be? Tobi is a good boy, but still has to take a peek. He is just to curious.

Oh, it's senpai's! What did he write in this? Tobi is just so curious!

So the blonde thinks I have a split personality. Well, he is in for a treat then. I am just using him! I, Madara, will rule this world! I shall tell you about my plans diary, because I know you would love to hear everything! It all starts with the *insert long speech we don't really care about.* Wait a second, where did my plans go? What did this diary do? He just blocked everything out? Oh, so you don't care, huh. Well, I will just use my sharingan on you!

I hope you were in a lot of pain. Still talking back? You think you can mess with the great Madara! I will destroy you! I can't destroy you? That's true you are Deidara's property. He would have blown you up if he could. Mhmm, my plans are not working out. Should just have some fun with you then and read some more.

My relative wants to date the blonde? Itachi must be out of his mind. I need to have a talk with him. He could do so much better and I expect him to have at least five babies. How else will the Uchiha name survive? Now Sasuke's in Orochimaru's hands we are screwed from that side. Well, technically Sasuke is. Itachi has to find himself a girlfriend.

Well, okay I understand why he likes Deidara. Konan is transforming him into a girl. The blonde would look really sexy in that leather skirt. Maybe I have a thing for him too.

And Hidan is teaching him moves, huh. This is getting more interesting now. He would make a very good boyfriend…

Or not, he seriously thinks Pein is going to eat his brain? Even Itachi, Hidan and Kisame think the same? DON'T EAT TOBI'S BRAIN. HE IS A GOOD BOY! Damn it, I've been playing that fool far too long. I hope this ends soon, then I can behave as myself. I actually have this craving to hide in Deidara's closet.

So the weird looking cat thing is Kisame's. You know he is cross-eyed, so you are never sure if he's even looking at you. He also hisses at me all the time. It freak's Tobi out. Also the name Gayfish is a bit strange. Why would Deidara even call him that. What kind of joke is that and what does that have to do with fish sticks?

He's really messing with Sasori and Kakuzu. They should teach him a lesson. The brat should behave around his superiors. Oh, Sasori is already taking care of that. Good, he can be really cruel.

So he got Zetsu and the flowers together. HER NAME IS COFFEE TABLE FLOWERS! Shut up, Tobi! Anyway, that really creeps me out. How could that even happen? Zetsu isn't fully a plant and how did those flowers even gave birth to them? Okay, she died, but still. I don't believe that's even possible.

Well, Tobi really needs to get in that closet now. This is getting out of hand. It was nice chatting with you, although you didn't care for my plans. We should talk about your immortal powers some time.

TOBI WILL MISS YOU! TELL SENPAI TOBI IS A GOOD BOY AND WILL PROTECT HIM FROM PAIN! Stop screaming at these people, Tobi!

I love you diary, Tobi and Madara*smiley face* Why didn't you just put in a smiley face? How would Tobi even do that? Nevermind.

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So there has been voted for first Kakuzu, then Konan and lastly Pein. Any objections? And do we all agree to continue this on the road? I will have Itachi sending him love letters or something.


	14. Chapter 14

So, Kakuzu's entry. He was a little more difficult again. Konan's will be better I think! If I have some time left I will do that one tonight, but I won't promise anything. Btw, tonight is for me in about 5 hours, so remember the timedifferences.

Oh and SpunkyPaperAngel, I definitely do not recommend calling your cat Gayfish. Although it would be funny if you call that in front of other people.

And Jaggermania it would definitely be funny when other people would get their hands on this diary. I actually thought about it and it reminded me of voldemort's diary from the second harry potter movie/book. I could make it a crossover, but I'm not going to. Just thought it was funny.

...

What kind of book is this? Did I pay for this? And all of the Akatsuki members  
are wasting paper! Stupid people.

Might as well write something down too, maybe some notes about how much everything costs.

Itachi pushing Deidara down the stairs. If the boy breaks something it will  
cost me money to set the bone and bandage it. I wouldn't go to the doctor,  
but it will also cost me precious time.

Deidara blowing up Sasori's puppet. Costs me wood and Sasori already uses way to much of it.  
He should just reuse some of his older puppets. That doesn't cost me any money.

I still think the play doh was a good idea. Deidara shouldn't be so ungrateful.

We had flowers on the coffee table? Who bought those? Like we need flowers in  
the first place and after that Zetsu got married to them and had children.  
Do you have any idea how much that costs! Who paid for that?  
I am not going to feed those children. Oh, they eat Hidan. That's alright.  
They should eat his head, then he wouldn't bother me so much with his yapping.

Konan is shopping for new bra's? What's wrong with the old ones?  
I don't care that they didn't fit her. She is wasting money! Who am I going to kill now?

Of course Hidan showed our movies to the blonde and of course Itachi saw them as well.  
I can't trust him with anything. I should have hidden them in my own room,  
but then Deidara probably would have blown it up. He has been blowing everything up  
ever since the play doh incident. I still have to replace that heart he cost me.  
Yes, he doesn't just cost me money! I just don't want his heart to replace it.  
Who knows what would happen to me then.

Kisame has a freaking cat! Who is paying for this Gayfish?  
I certainly am not paying for that thing. As Tobi/ Madara/ whoever says, he's creepy.  
He doesn't deserve food.

Why does everyone think Pein is going to eat their brain? He doesn't even eat,  
why would he eat brains then? They are just paranoid. And now they are all hiding in Deidara's closet?  
I am not paying them for that. They need to work, earn us money.  
How come I am the only responsible person in this group. They should have hired different people.  
I'm sure there are saner people out there.

Well, if my calculations are right, they have cost me more than they could make in a whole year.  
These people annoy me to death. Good thing I have more hearts. I need to have a talk with Pein.  
If they are all on missions, maybe they will cost me less. They could even earn money then.  
Yes, that is a splendid idea.

They will all know I am not the friendly grandpa they hope I am.

Thank you for writing in you. I now know all the facts and can ask for more money.  
Saying bye would cost me another page, so I'm not going to.

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So I mentioned Deidara going on a mission soon. I hope my lovely readers still agree with this. You can still tell me who you want Deidara to meet on the missions itself.


	15. Chapter 15

I did another one! It helped me get my mind off things. Had to finish a paper and it has been killing me...

Alvar Korenwolf keep your eyes out for the next one. I'm going to include a little something for you, but I'm not going to tell what...

Alright, I know Konan is really OC, but I wanted her to be a totally girly girl.

...

Dear Diary,

I was actually looking for Deidara so we could have a boytalk.  
I think he is finally ready to become my best friend. Unfortunately I couldn't find him,  
but I did stumble upon this diary. I thought why not talk about my problems in here.

So guess who I like… Yes, of course Pein! He's so hot. The way he stares at you with his ringed eyes.  
My heart starts raising as soon as I see him. I'm sure others feel that way in the house.  
Who's diary is this anyway? Oh, it is Deidara's. I'm so glad I found out he's gay.  
I really needed a girl friend and Deidara is the closest thing. He already looks like a girl,  
especially when he's wearing my leather skirt. It looks really cute on him and  
I bet I'm not the only one who thinks so!

I was right. Itachi thinks so, Hidan too and even Madara! He could easily chose between all those men,  
but I guess he already chose. Itachi will make a great boyfriend.

Do you think Pein will like my new bra's? They were still pretty cheap.  
I'll go ask Kakuzu for some more money. I mean I need to look good for my man *wink wink*.

What did Deidara write in this? He seriously asked Pein if we were going to have a baby!  
I really want one, but Pein can't have any. Why did he have to die!  
Our children would have looked so good. His orange hair with my sleek style.  
Would look much better than what he has going on now. Ever heard of too much hair gel?

Did you know I was the maid of honor on Zetsu's wedding. We had a lot of fun on the bachelorette party!  
I ordered a stripper which was of course Hidan and he gave Coffee Table Flowers a lap dance.  
I have never seen her blush that much in her entire life! I can't believe she passed away already.  
At the store they told me they would have lasted at least three weeks, cheaters.

I really need to talk to Deidara though. I need his advice about Pein.  
I'm sure he knows what to do about him. Pein has been so depressed lately.  
I'm not sure what's wrong with him. He doesn't want to talk about it,  
but he keeps shooting cold glares at Deidara. Did he do something wrong?

You know what else I've noticed. It has been rather quiet around the base.  
Where did everybody go? They all think Pein is going to eat their brain or  
at least the ones who have a brain. Oh, you meant literally no brain.  
I didn't understand why Deidara would hide then. Sasori has captured him?  
Okay, then I'll go ask him. He has had enough quality time with Deidara.  
It's someone else's turn now! I need to be that one,  
because I'm sure Itachi is waiting for him somewhere.

I'll start searching in the closet first!

Love, Konan

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

I gave a little hint about what Pein's chapter is going to be about. I really have his diary puzzled out, so maybe I'll even upload that one tonight...


	16. Chapter 16

So another one? Yes, another one! I probably don't have time to do one tomorrow, so I think this will make up for that:)

...

Dear Diary,

I'm feeling really down lately and the others are not helping. Just a second ago  
I was walking through the hallway in search of the other members and when I called out their names,  
they all ran. Even some random girl ran away from me and they all hid in Deidara's closet.  
Why would they all do that? I have done nothing wrong.

It all started out with the fact that I told Deidara that I wasn't really alive.  
Should I have known he would freak out? He of course isn't the smartest one.  
This is his diary huh. Maybe something interesting is in here.

He thinks I'm a zombie? Well, I guess that sort of makes sense.  
I am the living dead or something like that. I think that makes me more of a god,  
but that's just my opinion.

I just opened the closet and was met with the strangest thing I've ever seen.  
Deidara was of course in there and he looked really annoyed. On his left side was  
Madara acting like Tobi by clinging on his arm and telling him he's a good boy.  
On his right side sat Sasori who was dripping different kinds of poisons in his handmouth to see the reaction,  
before giving it the antidote again and in front of him sat Konan,  
talking about her problems or something. That wasn't a good situation to be in.

On the other side of the closet sat Hidan and a very grumpy Kakuzu  
who was apparently forced by Hidan to sit with him. Hidan had of course lost his head already.

Kisame sat against the wall, giving me a pleading look and begging me not to eat his brain.  
Have they been talking to the blonde or something? I thought he was the only one who thought  
I was going to eat his brain. I really need to find smarter members.

Itachi was staring angrily at the group that surrounded Deidara.  
I wonder when they had gotten so close. They are even boyfriends now?  
Oh, according to Itachi. Well, I guess it's better than when they are fighting.

That random girl was also in the closet, but I chose to ignore her.  
As far as I know she isn't part of Akatsuki.

I yelled at them to get back to work and some of them randomly sprung out of the way and  
ran for their lives. Even Itachi and I really thought he was the smart one.  
Guess I was wrong about that. These people are really driving me crazy.  
They should just go on missions as Kakuzu had suggested. I really need some peace and quiet.

Has anyone seen Zetsu by the way? I killed some of his children,  
but after that I haven't spotted him. He fought with Itachi?  
Well, that's pretty dumb. He's probably in the infirmary then.  
I have to tell Konan not to buy anymore flowers. If he does this whole trick all over again I will kill him!

Has anyone seen Konan btw? We are supposed to go on a date tonight.  
I have no idea what a date is, but when I agreed she was really happy.  
I still had to talk about the missions with her anyway, so I'll do that on the date.

I think I just have the perfect mission for Deidara. Revenge is sweet!

Bow to your god, Pein

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Well, the next one will be Deidara's again. He won't go on the mission right away, but will talk about it. He will be packing and talking about the stuff that happened with his diary.

Oh and Alvar Korenwolf did you see what I meant?


	17. Chapter 17

Sorry guys for not updating yesterday! It had been a long day and I had a terrible headache. If I wrote one of these it would definitely have been crap. Don't know if it's any better now, but I'm sure you are all glad to see our little blonde again. I was watching the anime yesterday and Deidara isn't as dumb as I make him, but it's more fun when he's this ignorant, right? Well, enjoy.

...

Dear Diary,

I finally got you back. Do you have any idea how long I have been looking for you?  
You shouldn't make me worry like that. I was really afraid something happened to you.  
What do you mean others wrote in you? They have been using my diary!  
What kind of person would do such a thing? I need to find out what they wrote. Give me a minute.

Alright, first of all I am not Itachi's boyfriend, nor will I ever marry Sasori and  
Tobi may not look at me in Konan's leather skirt. What kind of perverts are they anyway?  
And Hidan who wants to teach me something. No, I will not become like him and  
I will not take any tips from him, nor will I use them on Itachi or anyone else for that matter.  
I really am the only normal one around here.

And why were they all in my closet? Don't they have closets themselves where they could sit in?  
It's my hiding place and I believe I hadn't invited them. It was way too crowded in there,  
all smashed against the side walls. Sasori made me feel sick and  
healthy at the same time which was really annoying. Ever felt like you needed to puke,  
but also wanted to run a marathon? It sucks.

Tobi clang to me like the maniac he was. I didn't quite understand his diary entry.  
Was that his second personality coming out or is Tobi his second personality?  
It's strange they talk to each other like Zetsu does…

Konan should really go and find a freaking life. Like I care what she needs to wear on her date with Pein.  
It's not like the zombie even understands what he's doing anyway.  
He just thinks they are making plans for missions. Maybe she should wear that leather skirt.  
It gives her a sexy edge and maybe Pein notices her then.

All I knew was that I really had to get out of that closet. It was just horrible in there.  
Even that creepy girl that really didn't belong there made me feel awful.  
It was strange though how she suddenly disappeared, like she had never even been there.

Pein and Kakuzu apparently are mad at me, because they are sending me out on a mission with Sasori.  
Itachi punched the wall after he heard it and stalked of angrily. Kisame started laughing and  
whispered something about them and a certain talk. I can't believe they still think I would date them.  
Maybe I should hide in my closet again, it's pretty cozy there.

So, anyway I was talking about the mission. Well, we are going to the land of lightning and  
see what the jinchuuriki there is like. Pein let out a very evil laugh after we left, so I'm a bit worried.  
Is he that strong? It can't be that bad, I mean my bombs can blow up everything.  
Yeah, I know not you… Why did someone just whisper that I blew they're heart up and  
they are giving it to me piece by piece?

I'll just ignore that comment and continue packing. I'm glad I found you in time,  
because now you can join me on my mission. I'm sure I have a lot to tell you on the road.  
I will really miss Gayfish though and the blowing Kakuzu up. We'll just think it's for a better world,  
or something. I haven't been paying attention to the long speeches. Oh, you haven't either?  
I know they are totally boring. Some people really need to get a clue and stop talking when people are snoring.  
I do not snore! Shut up! It's great talking to you too, stupid diary.

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Last note, who do you want Deidara to meet in the next entry? Or should it be about the start of the mission with Sasori? Tell me what you want.


	18. Chapter 18

The start of the mission. I guess they haven't made it that far...

...

Dear Diary,

Today is the first day of the mission and it sucks already. I had packed all my stuff and  
enough clay to last at least… well, a week at most and then I waited for Sasori at the entrance of the base.  
The sun was shining, birds singing and a nice little breeze to cool you off.  
Yes, a perfect day it seemed. Until Tobi came running out of the base.  
I knew my day had gotten a lot worse right then and there.

He started whining something about his senpai not leaving him or something.  
I wasn't really paying attention. Suddenly he roars and screams at, I think,  
me that I shouldn't act so stupid and that I should stop crushing on myself.  
So first I'm gay and now I'm in love with myself? I have to change something about myself,  
because I'm definitely not sending the right image of myself. After Tobi had said that I blew him a few miles away.  
Now I have less clay, but I feel a lot better. The thought of him having to walk all those miles back to the base also helps.

Finally Sasori was done and we started walking. We weren´t even a mile away from the base.  
I mean I could still see it with my normal eye. Yeah, the right one. Then Itachi came running towards us.  
So I yelled: 'did we forget something?' Then he said: 'I certainly did,' and he kissed me, full on the lips.  
Why would I have forgotten that? I never wanted it in the first place!  
But I didn't get my chance to take revenge, because Sasori used his chakrastrings to swing him away.  
A few moments later they were calmly saying insults to each other.  
It seemed weird, because any normal person would have screamed them at least.

After everything was done and Kisame had taken Itachi back to the base, we were on our way again.  
Sasori was acting like the old man he was, grumpy and angry, and took it out on me.  
I had to set up camp, catch my own dinner, make my own dinner and tug myself in when I went to bed.  
Okay, I know he doesn't need anything like that, but I would have appreciated the gesture.  
Itachi would have done all those things for me.

So now I'm lying in bed, writing in my diary, while there is a lot of noise coming from outside the tent.  
Sasori is screaming something like ambush, but I'm not going to help him.  
He should have thought about that when he didn't try and pamper me.  
I am only acting like the spoiled brat he thinks I am. I know he can handle them on his own.  
He is pretty strong. But I know he will get me out if this tent eventually and  
then he has to acknowledge that my art is better than his!

Oh, he has already killed them all. Well, that's boring. Should just go to sleep then.  
It feels like something is crawling in my tent. It's probably nothing.

Night night diary, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Alright I've heard a few options of whom our little blonde should meet. Killer B, Sai and his anti-self, but I'm not sure I understand that one. So if you could elaborate Minxx69. Would it be like a mirror image or a certain person from the anime?

I myself was also thinking about Ino, so they could talk about their hairstyle.


	19. Chapter 19

Another day on the mission. Thanks for all the ideas and you'll see them in one of the future diary entries!

...

Dear Diary,

Today is already the second day of the mission. It still sucks. I woke up this morning  
after a good night sleep and the first thing I saw was two brown eyes.  
His head was on my pillow and he had been staring at me the whole night.  
Do you have any idea how that made me feel? Or how the tent feels now?  
Yeah, I broke it when I jumped up, but do you know how scared I was!  
That idiot just had to ruin my morning.

So after I had a nice breakfast, which I had to make myself, we started walking again.  
Of course after Sasori got in his Hiruko outfit again. I'm not really sure why he wears it.  
Normally you put something on the look prettier, but this isn't working for him.  
Konan should go shopping for him instead of me.

And now we see tree after tree after tree. This couldn't be more boring than having dinner with Itachi.  
Boring bastard. Only wants to talk about things I don't understand, like books he reads.  
Like I read books. He always tries to outsmart me and he actually always succeeds…  
I should do something about this. I'll go and find a book he hasn't read yet and outsmart him!  
First I need to find a book I can actually read.

Well, while I was yapping about boring stuff we actually got out of the forest.  
Now there was only water and we had to fly on one of my pieces of art.  
Unfortunately now I had to set right next to Sasori and his crazy outfit.  
There was almost no room for me and I was squished against Hiruko.  
Somehow it seemed that Sasori actually liked this.

And now we were flying over this gigantic sea and I was wondering how we  
even knew where we were going. I asked Sasori and he said we just know,  
because we are cool like that. What does that even mean?  
So after that I asked him where we were actually going and he said an island no one even knows where it is.  
So the fact that we know it gets even more confusing…

We have been above water for hours now and Sasori is really starting to annoy me.  
Well, even more than he already did. He hasn't been saying anything,  
but he's making weird sounds inside Hiruko. Sometimes it feels like he's staring at me,  
but when I turn around his eyes are just blank.

So I just asked him what he's doing inside Hiruko and he said he's reading.  
No one makes so much noise when they're reading and I can tell.  
I've seen Itachi reading a million times and he never made a sound expect when he turned the page.  
I even tried getting his attention by pricking him in his sides, but he just ignored me.  
You do not have to make sounds when you are reading.

I just broke open Hiruko and Sasori was definitely not painting!  
Alright, this is very disturbing so sit down somewhere before you read this.  
Okay, you're sitting down diary? Okay good. He was sowing a wedding dress and it was,  
okay this is bad, it was for me. He still thinks I'm going to marry him!  
And the dress was ugly as hell! It had a lot of fringe and lace and a large bow and it's back side.  
Does he want me to look like a girl? If he wanted a nice looking dress,  
he should have asked Konan. He really needs her advice.

Okay, I need to take a breather. This is really bad and I have to sit on this bird  
for another day with this creep. I wish you could help me…

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So I'll make a list of who will be mentioned in this story and tell me if you're missing someone:

Deidara's anti-self, Killer B, Sai and Ino. A love letter from Itachi is also coming.

Another idea is him meeting Gaara and that he thinks Sasori and Gaara look like each other?


	20. Chapter 20

Next entry, still on the bird, but this will be the last day. I promise. I just had this vision in my head last night and couldn't keep it to myself any longer!

...

Dear Diary,

Today is the third day of the mission and I just woke up. I was apparently fitting  
the wedding dress Sasori made for me. Oh, no don't get me wrong. It wasn't voluntarily.  
He poisoned my food last night and put in on me. Yeah, I'm not really sure how to respond to that…  
Fortunately some sort of black pigeon cam flying by and pooped on the dress.  
Sasori got all mad and ripped it off me. I was naked after that,  
but he was so busy with the dress that he didn't notice. The black pigeon however did…

What do you mean black pigeons don't exist? I mean they are annoying and crap on everything.  
I think this bird makes the cut. Well, what bird is black then? Could be a crow,  
yeah it's a crow and it's carrying a note. No, see it's definitely a pigeon.  
They carry notes, like a carrier pigeon.

I should grab the note? Alright, I'll read it.

So that was very disturbing. It was a note from Itachi. First I asked Sasori how he would even know  
where we are right now and he responded again with that we are cool like that.  
Is that his new catchphrase or something? Well, anyway it was for me and  
it was somehow worse than the wedding dress. On the other hand the wedding dress has lace and is all poofy.

So a few quotes from the love letter, yes love letter… I'm sorry to put you through this.

_My love burns brighter for you than when my fireball jutsu hit one of Zetsu's children.  
I want to pet you like Kisame does to Gayfish.  
Your kisses are as sweet as the grape-juice you drank in front of Sasori.  
I want to make love to you like Kakuzu does to Hidan on the tapes.  
I can only hope your heart will explode for me like you made Kakuzu explode.  
You fit me like Konan's leather skirt fits you.  
Whenever you are not around me I feel like going crazy like Tobi does.  
And my brain will always belong to you, not to Pein.  
Love, Itachi_

Yeah, the weirdest love letter I've ever seen. I'm not sure if I should feel flattered or disgusted,  
maybe both. Should I send him a note back? The black pigeon is still here.  
What do you mean he has enough information already? The sharingan?  
The pigeon has a sharingan! The bastard has been spying on me this entire time!  
OMG, he's seen me naked. The pervert! I need to talk to Sasori about this.

So Sasori started writing a note back to Itachi with a murderous look on his face.  
Should I stop him? I'm actually to afraid to talk to him at the moment.  
He just ripped a piece of the wedding dress and bound it to the pigeons leg.  
What kind of competition is this? Diary, I really need some help.  
Do you think we will be safe when we hit land? This should be the last day.  
Maybe I'm safer with the eight-tales than with Sasori. What are you laughing at?

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So did you like my beautiful love letter? Yes it was brought by a black pigeon which of course do not exist, or do they?

So people who are still coming up are: Deidara's anti-self, Killer B, Sai, Ino and now Gaara. I'm glad you all liked my idea^^ Any more ideas? Just tell me.


	21. Chapter 21

I'm having a great day today, so I hope this all makes you smile as much as I'm smiling!

For the ones who are not up to date with the subbed anime(meaning haven't seen the sea arc), you might not want to read this one or the next. It might be bit of a spoiler!

...

Dear Diary,

We finally made it to the island. It's a spiked island and I don't mean with alcohol,  
with real spikes. If you fall on one of the points I do not want to know what happens.  
Should at least hurt a bit. Maybe not Sasori, but he wouldn't be able to move.  
His body would be shattered and his heartthingy would fall out.  
I would have to take care of it until we have another body for him.  
I could do so many fun things with it then and it would be very quiet.  
But I also wouldn't have anybody who fought off Itachi for me.  
So I won't push him of this bird just yet.

It was funny though how he got rid of Itachi's pigeon. Eventually he put some poison  
in one of the letters and after that nothing came back. Do you think something has happened?  
Itachi should have known better than to piss off Sasori, but the same goes for Sasori.  
He shouldn't piss off Itachi. I think this has some consequences…

Alright, so we've finally set foot on the stinking island and I mean literally that it stinks.  
Giant animals walk around here and they also have giant poops. Why isn't anyone cleaning it up?  
One of the animals was wearing make-up. Is that even healthy? It seems like animal testing to me.  
Maybe the eight tales wears make-up. I do not wear make-up! What makes you say that?  
A panda bear? I am not a panda! Shut up! I should put make-up on you.

Well, anyway we just ran into some ninjas and Sasori is still pissed that I left him hanging last time,  
so I have to take care of it this time. He's probably still working on his ruined wedding dress.  
I should burn it… Maybe Itachi will do that with his fireball jutsu.

I blew one of them up and the other one ran away scared. I wanted to mold something beautiful again and  
make it burst into a million pieces. I'll just annoy Sasori instead and blow him up. Serves him right.

He isn't too happy about it and I'm running for my life at the moment.  
How I can still write in my diary while doing so? Because I am cool like that!  
And because I do not need my arms to run, duh.

I just ran against a tree…

So after Sasori punished me by making me put on a new wedding dress(it still has lace and is even more poofy),  
we then decided to take a swim in the little lake. It has a beautiful waterfall and a little black rock you can sit on in the middle.  
Okay, I decided we could swim and I also decided I could do it in the wedding dress.  
Yes, it is yet again ruined, but that was the point. Sasori is yelling at me for destroying his work of art,  
so I blew it up and said that it was art again. He's still pissed.

The funny thing is that he can't go in the water. It makes the wood of his body expand and  
his heart might fall out then or some of his joints will crack. I think I'll splash him a bit, see how he reacts.

So never annoy an already very pissed Sasori, it hurts. He grabbed me by the arms and  
threw me away. Of course I landed on that little small rock, because that's just my luck.  
Can you hold on a second, it seems someone is talking to me. What the hell is he saying?  
And where the hell is he?

Someone's walking through the waterfall. OMG, it's me! I can't believe this,  
how can this even happen? I mean Sasori isn't even responding, but he's getting closer and clo…

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Again the people still coming. I'd like to remind myself, sorry if this annoys you! Deidara's anti-self(who of course will be up next), Killer B, Sai, Ino and Gaara.

Also some new ideas were edo-tensei Deidara, but that will take some time and a secret date, but you will find out later what that means;)

Keep the ideas coming and you will find your idea in the list above!


	22. Chapter 22

So the anti-self, although I'm not sure it really worked out so well... It's exactly according to how it really works, but this way it made a little more sense.

...

Dear Journal,

I will not call you diary, because that sounds gay. I want to introduce myself. I am dark side, maybe a bit like his anti-self. Of course he acts a little dark himself sometimes, but most of the time that's just me.

Yeah, the blowing up Kakuzu was totally me. Oh and the hating the wedding dress is also totally me. Do you really think that gay guy would turn down that gorgeous white fluffy dress. He would sleep in it if he could, but I won't let him. What do you think that would do to my image? He should wear leather and not the skirt from Konan. No a leather jacket or leather pant, but not too tight. We don't want a camel toe.

Anyway it is nice to finally meet you. Deidara is very fond of you, so I am of course not. Oh, you don't like me either, well that's not a problem at all then.

Wait, gayboy is skipping around me or something. Demanding his diary back. I can't believe he calls you a diary. He's really ruining our image, you know. He should be hating this damn place and blow up everything he sees, but he even let the giant skunk live. Do you have any idea what a skunk did to him when he was only five years old. He sprayed his stink all over him and he still is nice to them. No that just can't do.

Also he was kicked by a redhead ones and now his partner is a redhead. He should be blown to pieces, but nooo he lets him sleep next to him. I mean come on! We can do so much better and eviler than this. I mean I am cool like that, you know.

The ladies love me I might add, but apparently this guy only attracts men. This was not how it was supposed to happen. I should have three fangirls, instead of three fanboys. Thankfully Deidara understands that he's not supposed to date one of them, but how long will that take? Maybe he will start cross-dressing more and then we are really screwed, literally.

Deidara is annoying me again and this time blowing things up with butterflies. Seriously, butterflies? Can't he think of something tough like an eagle or something. He should totally make something looking like a lion, that would be awesome.

This is just loads of crap. The redhead is staring like me like I'm invisible and holding a floating journal. What do you mean that's exactly what he's seeing. You mean he can't see me? What a loser.

Sorry you got a little wet there. OMG, he's now blowing us up with white pigeons. Does he want to get married or something, this is just horrible! I need to teach him a lesson.

So I just blew him up with a wolf figurine and he flew a few feet away. Now he knows how he should fight. I'll hope he actually will remember it. You just keep an eye out and try to keep him cool, okay?

Peace out journal, aradieD

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

List: Killer B(who will be introduced in the next or the one after that), Sai, Ino(stalkerish or something, still figuring it out a bit more), Gaara, Edo-tensei and the secret date. I also want to introduce Sasuke, because he needs to kill him. Will take some time, but still.


	23. Chapter 23

Dear Diary,

I'm glad you are ones again back in my hands. Yes, I know he wasn't really nice, but he's gone now.  
Thanks to some crazy dude who can only rap. I'm not really sure what he's talking about,  
though. I think he's calling me an idiot? Sasori is looking rather bewildered,  
but who wouldn't when they are looking at a strange dancing rapping guy who sometimes shows tentacles.

Sasori just said that he's the eight-tales and that I should get up and help him hide,  
instead of writing in my diary. You know he just doesn't understand how it is when I'm parted from you and  
I should probably thank the eight-tales for returning you to me.

When I thanked him he called me a fool and an idiot again. Why is he insulting me and  
why am I currently dangling in this tree? I didn't do anything wrong, right? Oh, he didn't like the cloak.  
Well, I don't particularly like it as well, but Pein makes me wear it. It doesn't really show off my figure and  
I'm proud of it. He should really let someone else design this. I bet Sasori made this, saying it is his art.  
Well, Sasori it sucks.

The guy is rapping again, but I know his name now. It's Killer to the B. Kind of a weird name,  
but what do I know. If he wants to kill the letter B then by all means, kill the letter B.  
Sasori means scorpion and he looks like one in his Hiruko outfit. Maybe that's why it's so ugly…

I fell out of the tree and Sasori is yelling at me to hide instead of write in my diary, again.  
I have been fighting myself for a long time, don't you think he could do something by himself?  
Nooo, he needs me do to something. Stupid Sasori.

So, yeah I should have listened to Sasori and hid somewhere(he totally made me write that down).  
But anyway, we are captured in the rapping dudes tentacles and he said he's taking us back to the A or something.  
I guess he really hates the letter B.

He just keeps on rapping and it's really annoying us. Can't he just shut up and his movements are making me dizzy.  
I have never turned around this much in my entire life. So I released some of my clay rats and  
made them chew on the tentacles. Hopefully he won't notice. Fingers crossed!

Yeah, he noticed and now we are lying on the ground, while he is petting his tentacle.  
I can't believe you would even want to touch that freely. It feels slimy and disgusting.  
I have the urge to take a shower, but I don't trust Sasori around me at the moment.  
He has been eyeing my butt for a while now.

He made us a deal! We need to rap for him and when it's any good he releases us!  
What an idiot. We are both artists. Does he really think we can't pull that off?

I'll keep you posted on how it goes!

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Well, you know what to expect in the next one;)

List: Killer B a bit more, Sai, Ino(stalker), Gaara, somewhere in between the date, Sasuke and Edo-tensei.


	24. Chapter 24

It's a little shorther than normal, but I wanted to keep some sort of cliffhanger at the end. Some ideas came from Hollow X Ichigo, so give her some love too^^

...

Dear Diary,

Well, I wrote a rap. I think it turned out pretty good, but Sasori doesn't have any faith in this.  
At least I'm trying to rap. It's not like he's putting any effort in this.  
He's just sitting there, glaring at me. Like everything is my fault or something…

Now back to the rap. Sasori is setting a beat and I can feel the words flow.  
Yes, everything is coming to me now.

_Yeah, un un.  
Deidara's my name and I'm still in the game.  
I won't lose to you. Even if I have the flu.  
I'm a terrorist bomber. It makes the world a lot calmer.  
Here right next to me is my good friend Killer to the B.  
We're working together. Trying to change the weather.  
The B will be destroyed and leave an empty void.  
And I know you will all agree that he is now known as the Killer of the B._

Sasori totally just ended it with a _word_. This was a genius rap and this Killer to the B must like it. Let's see what he says.

Okay, he wasn't too happy. We are currently back in tentacles on our way to the letter A. I don't get it.  
Why does he hate the letter B so much? How would he even say the alphabet?  
Would he just stop at the letter A or skip the letter B?

I asked him and he called me a fool again. Can't this guy just answer a very normal question!

Sasori just asked him if he could say the alphabet backwards and while he was doing that  
we made a run for it. He's of course following us, but he can't run that fast. U  
nless he does that… Yeah, he changed into his tailed beast. Why does this have to happen to us?

Some creepy dude just waved at me and motioned for me to follow him. Sasori is already gone,  
so I might as well follow this one. If he can keep me safe, I'm happy.

He looks a bit like a snake? Did he just call me a little boy? And Sasori's pet? Who the hell is this guy?

Oh, he's offering me candy, but I have to get in his van then. What's a van?  
Well, I like candy, maybe I should get in the thing anyway. Candy can't hurt right?

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

If you have no idea yet who I'm talking about in the last bit(which I doubt), don't read the list.

List: Orochimaru and Kabuto, Ino(had to promise she would be next, because Hollow X Ichigo came with some great ideas), Sai, Gaara, somewhere in between the date, Sasuke and Edo-tensei.


	25. Chapter 25

Dear Diary,

I've found out that getting into the van wasn't the smartest decision I've ever made.  
I should have known better, I know, but the candy was just so appealing. Yeah,  
I know I'm currently sitting on a weird furry bed while the creepy snake guy is brushing my soft hair,  
whispering things into my ear. Apparently I would look good sitting on a swing and  
the lollypop I'm currently eating makes me look cute. I'm not entirely sure what this guy wants.

So he just asked me if I was comfortable enough to take of my clothes and I told him I am not gay.  
He then responded by saying that he wasn't gay either. Why do I have to take of my clothes then?  
I don't get this man.

Alright, this is getting really scary. He just asked me if my peepee ever went up.  
He means if I ever had a hard on right? Come on, he can't be serious. You don't ask a guy that.  
I wish I brought my closet with me. I could have hidden inside it right about now.

I've had enough. He just called me a little boy and if there is something I dislike it is being called a little boy.  
I will tell him what is on my mind right now!

He doesn't believe the fact that I am not an eleven year old boy. I mean seriously.  
Do I look like a little boy to you? What do you mean I look rather feminine and  
that makes me look like a young boy? My voice is very low, that should at least say enough.  
I'll just move away from him and leave as soon as possible. Sasori should be around here somewhere.

Escape plan failed. I am currently stuck in his snake arms. Apparently this guy is really a snake guy,  
so my nickname wasn't as weird as I thought. From being stuck in tentacles to being stuck in snakes.  
What the hell is going on?

Some guy with glasses on is staring at me and it's creeping me out. Is he a pervert too?  
He asked me what I am doing here. How the hell should I know? Ask creepy snake guy over here.  
He's the one holding me.

Good, he's also convincing snake dude that I am in fact not an eleven year old boy.  
Good job four eyes. This is going great.

He still doesn't believe it, but four eyes is suggesting to do a examination.  
I'll do about anything to get out of here. Yes, I can actually help.

He said he was going to show a spot of hair young boys don't have,  
so I was very afraid he was going to pull down my pants. Thankfully he just lifted up my arm and  
showed him my armpit hair. Fortunately I didn't get to shave it on the clay bird. Otherwise I was in a lot of trouble.

Pervert over there just gave me a disgusting look. How can I be the disgusting one?  
Well, I'm out of here.

OMG. Four eyes just threw me out. You should have seen the look on his face. Pure hatred.  
I should remember that one. I can use it on Itachi the next time I see him.

Now I am off to find Sasori.

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

What a pervert! Hope you all liked the sudden appearance of Orochimaru and Kabuto^^

List: Ino(who will show up in the next one), Sai, Gaara, somewhere in between the date, Sasuke and Edo-tensei. After Ino I will put in some "filler chapters", so we get a little breather in between the new characters.


	26. Chapter 26

Dear Diary,

I'm still looking for Sasori. I'm sure he's around here somewhere, but the trees are blocking my view.  
What do you mean writing in my diary won't help? I know I am not looking where I'm going,  
but that never got me into trouble before. That tree totally came out of nowhere.  
I'm pretty sure someone just planted it there to let me trip. I did not walk right into it.  
I skipped into it, because skipping is fun. I should do it now. It makes me move a lot faster.

I just tripped! Who the hell did that? What do you mean I should be looking under me  
instead of writing on someone's face. This person tripped me and deserves some torture!  
Alright, I'll see who it is, she's screaming in my ear anyway.

Nooo, it's me again. I can't do this all over again. I bet he wants to steal you again!  
We have to make a run for it!

Wait, I'm not a girl. Who's this chick and why did she steal my hairstyle? The bang over the eye is my trademark  
and I have a patent on it. She should have asked permission. Her hair is totally the wrong color though.  
It's way to light blonde. It should be more yellow, like porn actresses have. And all of your hair in one ponytail?  
No way, this girl needs some advice. She's still screaming at me though and it's annoying.  
Give her a make-over or kill her? A very hard decision to make.

After she was done screaming she complimented me on my hair. She can stay, for now.  
I will give her some tips to make her hair look better now.

What the hell did just happen! She kissed me! And then she disappeared. That was really weird though,  
until I saw a very angry Sasori. Yes, that made a lot of sense, but I am definitely not happy with it.  
Another person who is after me? Like I'm not being chased enough by a freaking scorpion and a weasel.  
And what the hell is she? A pig huh, interesting. Animals dig me. Not sure I'm okay with that though.

Oh no, she started screaming again. Maybe I should just kill her. Wait, did she just call out some names?  
Sasori isn't looking so happy anymore(like he ever looks happy). We have to go, he says.  
Can't we even blow her up first. The ringing in my ear will never go away anymore and  
it's all her fault. And I will not stop writing in my diary! Oh, wait. I have to say that out loud,  
not write it down. Sometimes it's hard to figure out the difference, you know.

We are on our way again. Sasori made me make a clay bird and we are on our way home,  
except he wants to make a detour. He says we need some time to relax and  
that he knows the perfect place for that. Well, I'm not turning that one down.

Did you just see that blonde flash? Oh my, I'm being blown away.

*insert evil laugh* Yes, now I will now actually what he thinks of me.

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

The next one will be Ino's who's taking a peek inside Deidara's brain. What will she find there? If you have any ideas, tell me!

List: Ino, Sai, Gaara, somewhere in between the date, Sasuke and Edo-tensei and don't forget the fillers.


	27. Chapter 27

You know lovely readers. I believe I do not thank you enough. Thank you for the lovely reviews, I read them all and most of them put a smile on my face right away. Thank you for making this story your favourite and putting it on story-alert. And you know what, thank you for just reading this stuff and putting up with my crazy ideas. I still enjoy writing it very much and you do not have to ask me to update soon, because I will.

So I think that will make up for most of it and I won't be talking a lot before the story. I myself never read it, so I don't like putting you through my random talks. Just enjoy Ino's diary!

...

Dear Diary,

It already feels very comforting writing in you. May I share my deepest secrets with you?  
Yes, it was me who put pink hair dye in Sakura's shampoo. I wanted her to look silly,  
but she actually liked the pink. I still think it looks awful, but she won't believe me.  
Well, it's not my problem if she looks like an idiot. *insert very long whiny speech about Sakura's hair*  
Hey, how did that happen? I wrote something different. Is this a magic diary and  
did Deidara gave it to me as a present? What do you mean you do not belong to Deidara rip-offs?  
I am not a rip-off! He patented his hairstyle? So what, my bang is over my right eye and  
his over his left eye. He should stop whining about it.

You know he spends a lot of time with you. It's almost like you two are lovers or something,  
but that can't happen. I mean you are a diary. That would just be silly. What do you mean Deidara is yours?  
I believe I already claimed him! Get in line? Who is trying to steal my man away? Except for you, creepy diary.  
The redheaded puppet freak? The depressed Uchiha killer? Well, what do they have that I don't?

Yeah, yeah, that's true, but you don't have that either! I guess we are both losing.  
Why don't we make a pact? We can outsmart those other two! We can't? Why not?  
Itachi is way too smart and already knows I am inside his head? How do you know? The crow?  
I only see a black pigeon. Yes, it's a pigeon. It travels with little notes, duh.  
What do you mean it must be the hair color?

So anyway, do you want to know some secrets about Deidara? I can find everything in here.  
If he's gay or straight? Alright, I'll take a look.

So this department of his head is very messy. I can't really find any proof for either side.  
This is where is feminine side comes from, but also his fascination with blowing stuff up.  
That is pretty boyish. It's not? What do you mean we have solid proof? He's blowing stuff up out of frustration?  
Never looked at it that way. Then he probably is gay, but just a closeted one.  
Him liking closets also comes from this part of the brain. He has quite a few models already worked out in his head.  
Some are really pretty with enough space to lie down in.

Do you want to know something else? Which of the two men he likes the most? But I don't want to know that!  
It's already painful enough he doesn't like me back. Don't yell at me! I will smack you!

Please don't hurt me… He says he hates Itachi with all his heart and wants to blow him up.  
Sasori is his danna, but he thinks he isn't so nice. He would like him more if he did more for Deidara.  
I think I know who Deidara likes the most. Yes, I've got this all figured out! He likes….

...

Wow, diary. Are you alright? A black pigeon flew against my head and made the other mind leave.  
Sorry for leaving you in her hands. I'll make it up to you.

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So after this will come the filler. I already told you that Sasori wanted to take a detour and that means the date will be coming up soon. If you have any other ideas of what could happen to our lovely gay blonde, tell me. Running into young children might be fun...

List: Sai, Gaara, somewhere in between the date, Sasuke and Edo-tensei and don't forget the fillers.

Oh, and of course I won't tell you who Deidara likes. You can interpret that yourself and come to your own conclusions...;)


	28. Chapter 28

Dear Diary,

I'm having a great day so far. Sasori's is taking me to a hot spring so we can lose some stress.  
I've been through a lot lately. This would do me good. No, I'm not worried something might happen.  
What do you mean? Of course he will not use this to his own benefit. Sasori cares for me and  
this is just his way of showing it. Yes, I know he doesn't need the hot spring and will probably not even join me.  
That's the point, isn't it. I relax in the hot spring and he relaxes in his own way. Not by doing that! Pervert…

We are even spending the night at the hot spring! He's really throwing Kakuzu's money away…  
At least he won't get mad at me this time. Well, not until I blow him up again when I see him next.  
I should really think of a new way to do so. Maybe when he's getting money out of his safe.  
That would be really funny. I might have to hide in my closet for a few days after that.  
He will never find me there! Nobody suspects me of being inside the closet. That's just silly.

I can almost smell the hot springs. We must be getting close… Wait, it wasn't the hot springs I smelled.  
That stupid black pigeon is here again. Can't Itachi leave us alone and why does his pigeon smell like a hot spring?  
This doesn't seem right. I must inform Sasori!

We are not going to the hot spring anymore! He just said: "No, Deidara.  
I will not go to a place that lets filthy birds swim in their waters." So, now he just broke my heart and  
stamped on it again. I really wanted to go to that place! I need to relax! Ever since I left I had to fight myself,  
I got captured by a squid, I had to make a silly rap about the letter B, a pervert tried to come on to me,  
a girl had the nerve to kiss me and after that even took over my brain. I mean seriously, I deserve some rest!

Yes, he couldn't stand my whining! He gave in and now we are going to a different hot spring.  
I don't really care which one it is as long as I can lay naked in it, drowning all my sorrows away.  
Yes, sorrows. I just told you about how tough my life has been.

We've arrived! It looks really pretty. Large trees stand around the gate. The gate itself has this beautiful golden color,  
shaped in different kinds of flowers. The building itself is a plain white, but kept clean quite well.  
And the wooden doors were of a dark brownish red with Itachi standing in front of them.  
Wait, what was Itachi doing here? How dare he interrupt my stress free zone. I will slap him!

I was too late again. Sasori flung him away with his weird iron tail. It had this disgusting purple liquid on it.  
Yes, grape juice it is. You are funny, diary.

So I'll see how this turns out. As long as they are not keeping me from going into that hot spring!  
I will kill anyone who would try to stop me! Yes, that counts for you too, diary. I will kill you too.  
I know it's not possible. It's the idea that counts! Stop talking! No, I don't want to hear another word!

Good boy.

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

List: The date will be up next(you have a pretty good idea of what will happen now, I think), Sai, Gaara, Sasuke and Edo-tensei.


	29. Chapter 29

Dear Diary,

So we couldn't get rid of Itachi, but we are still going to the hot spring! Yeah,  
he said he had a right to be here or something. I wasn't really paying attention,  
because Itachi's rambling doesn't interest me. He's so boring…

But now I can finally enjoy my day full of relaxing. Sasori is renting a room for us now and  
after that I will enjoy the hot water and Sasori will be off doing Jashin knows what.  
I need to stay friends with Hidan. He might read this when he steals my diary again.  
I know you don't want to be in his hands again, but you keep disappearing on me.

Oh no, that woman did not just call me Sasori's girlfriend! Good, Itachi is telling her that I am not his girlfriend.  
I am not a damn woman! Wait, what did he just say? I am not his girlfriend either!  
I need to have a little talk with the two boys. Be right back…

So diary, we can now enjoy our bath in the damn MEN's hot spring! She will certainly never call me a girl again and  
the boys will not call me their girlfriend ever again. Yes, I blew something up. Yes, it was something they are very fond of.  
I believe they need to use it, yes, but it will take a while before it works again. I was talking about their heads.  
What did you think I was talking about? You and your perverted mind.

Aaah, the water is lovely. No, this water won't kill you. If you can't be destroyed,  
then water will definitely not do the trick. Don't worry so much. Did you just see something floating by?  
Something red? There it is again.

Oh no, Sasori is sitting on the edge dropping rose petals in the water. Is he still coming on to me?  
Something black came flashing by and now all the rose petals are gone. It was that stupid black pigeon again.  
He better not poop on me or else… What the hell is Itachi doing anyway? He should be here somewhere.

Something just touched my butt. No, I am not lying. You have to help me, diary!

I found his hair and made him stay under water. He is currently floating in the water, head under.  
Do you think I killed him? I thought he was the "great Uchiha". I guess not… Sasori's laughing,  
so at least he's entertained. I'll give him a poke.

He's not moving.

The pigeon is bothering me. What do you mean I have to safe him? He touched my butt!  
I don't care that I blew up his head! Alright, I'll save him. What do I have to do? Mouth to mouth!  
No way. Okay, okay, I'll do it.

He woke up way to happy. I think he was faking it. He stuck his tongue in my mouth. Disgusting pig.  
Sasori flung him out of the water, so I'm safe. Wait, maybe not. Why is Sasori staring at me like that?  
He's creeping me out. Wait, no, don't touch me there! No, noooo.

Diary, I feel so violated. He just, he uh, he touched me. He touched my, I can't even write it down,  
he touched my handmouth. Who does such a thing? I just need a minute okay. I'll talk to you later.

Love, a violated Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Oh no, they touched Deidara!

List: We will continue their stay at the hot spring, Sai, Gaara, Sasuke and Edo-tensei.


	30. Chapter 30

This one is a little less funny again, but it's a bit of an opening towards the next one. I also named a few past events in this one.

...

Dear Diary,

Sasori is trying to make it up to me. He's taking me out to dinner tonight and he better pay for everything!  
I will not pay a dime. I don't know what a dime is. Someone said it ones, so I thought why not use it?  
I don't know if it even makes sense. Why do you even care?

Anyway, he's taking me to a restaurant where the serve sushi. I hope Itachi didn't bring Kisame along,  
otherwise he would get mad at me again. I do miss Gayfish though. How do you think he's doing?  
Great no I'm not around? What's that supposed to mean? I think I'm a very loving person.  
I made some clay fishies for him. Why shouldn't I have blown them up? Of course I didn't scare the crap out of him.  
He even made a happy jump. I'm sure he misses me too.

I'm finally ready to go out. I had to reapply my make-up, well Konan's make-up. I did steal it from her.  
Who are you calling a girl? Wait, that wasn't you. Is that woman calling me a woman again!  
She needs to be taught a lesson! I will blow something up right now.

She no longer has a desk and Kakuzu has to pay for it. See, I can even annoy him when I'm gone.  
I'm sure he will miss me even more when the bill arrives for this. Sasori is tapping his food impatiently so I better go.  
I'll talk to you when we arrive at the restaurant.

This sucks. Itachi was already here and now we are all sharing a table. Sasori and Itachi are giving each other death glares and  
me sweet looks that make me feel sick. As long as I get my food and they pay for it I should be complaining I guess.

I take that back. It smells awful and looks like brain. I'm sure Pein would love this place,  
maybe I should take him here sometime. Have some bonding time so I can make him want to eat my brain and  
then I will reject him! Someone is touching my handmouth again. It's not Sasori and it's not Itachi.  
Who the hell is touching me?

Okay diary, don't look down. It is not what it looks like, I'm sure. No it's not a mouse. It can't be a mouse.  
I'm glad you agree. Yeah, it's too big to be a mouse. Wait, what do you mean by that exactly? OMG, it's a rat!

I do not scream like a little girl. I know that's the reason why those two guys are giggling like maniacs.  
This is just awful. I don't want to be here anymore. These guys are driving me nuts and I came here to relax.  
How did my life turn out like this? I should never have joined the Akatsuki. They are all way to creepy for me and  
I'm scared. I just want to go home and sit in my closet all day…

Finally booze is here! I will drink away my sorrows. I am not a drama queen! It's drama king and mister drama king to you.

Love, mister drama king

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Mhmm what do you think will happen next? An idea from Hollow x Ichigo.

List: Still hot spring, Sai, Gaara, Sasuke and Edo-tensei.

I have a few other ideas for people he might meet. I'll put a poll on my profile so you can vote on who the dumb blonde meets next.


	31. Chapter 31

Try to read this with a drunken person in your mind who thinks he's sober. He's also crying at the end.

...

Dear Dairy,

Tihi, I said dairy and you don't even like milk. I just assumed you didn't like milk,  
because you are a diary and I believe that diaries don't drink anything and therefore not like it.  
See, I can sound smart if I want to! Hey, what's that?

Whoops, just fell over a gigantic vase. I mean it was seriously enormous. Like almost a foot tall.  
I have never seen a vase this big. That's not because I don't get flowers. I'm pretty sure Sasori or  
Itachi would give some to me. Maybe I should go ask them some. No, make that a lot.  
I need to fill up that huge vase.

Some guy with a mask on just jumped in front of me. He looked like a ninja. You know like the ones on TV?  
With the black mask en the nun chucks. They also make a lot of noise when they're attacking someone.  
Screaming like animals are biting in their butt. It always makes me laugh… I want to get nun chucks.  
We should by some. Maybe this ninja can tell me where to find some. I'll go ask.

The room is spinning. The ninja flew me towards his room and it disturbs me.  
Who would ask for a room that wouldn't stop moving? I'm getting seasick already.  
I should go find a toilet, because this isn't going so well. Can we please leave this boat?

I just came back into the room and the ninja disappeared. I think Itachi stripped him and chased him away.  
He's folding the clothes neatly and is stacking them on a chair. Very nice of him to think about others like that.  
I just don't get why he's naked now? Did the ninja strip him too and left with his clothes?

How did I get down on the bed? I'm sure I had been standing just moments ago.  
And where the hell did my pants go? It's on the ground… How did it get there?  
Where did my shirt go now? What's happening to me? I'm so confused! I want my mommy!

A lady in a wedding dress just walked into the room. She's kicking Itachi in the stomach.  
It looks really weird, because she has to hold up her dress. Her hair reminds me of Sasori.  
Her wooden leg does too. She's ugly though. I wonder who would ever marry her?  
She's looking at me with her creepy eyes. They're really big, like saucers.

It's talking to me in a man's voice! I think she said that she ate Sasori! You have to help me diary.  
I think she's going to eat me too! Itachi needs to help me! Oh, good. He knocked her down.  
They are currently wrestling on the floor, screaming about me being naked. Wait, I'm naked?  
Where did my underwear go? This moving room has another magic trick up its sleeve.  
It can make clothes disappear. Itachi's were gone too. Only the ladies dress stays.  
Maybe you have to wear wedding clothes to not become naked. I think I'll go find that dress Sasori made me.  
It will safe me from this magic trick.

The woman just told me to sit down! I am not crying like a little girl. She's just mean.  
Who would say such a thing to me? I'm cute right? I'm scared and no one's here to help me.  
Itachi is too busy with being naked and wrestling the woman and Sasori is gone somewhere.  
I feel so alone. Yes, I am a crybaby.

I will just take a little nap and then my hero will have saved the day. I'm sure he would do it, he loves me and I love

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

I'm not putting down the list this time. The poll is still on my profile page and everyone who can be seen is up there. I'll just remind you have Edo-tensei where it will end with.

Also, you all want to see Gayfish again. I was thinking of giving him a chance of writing his own diary, so if you agree I will put him up somewhere along the line.

Forgot to mention this was an idea from Hollow x Ichigo


	32. Chapter 32

Dear Diary,

I have a headache. What the hell happened last night? I woke up in a strange room with  
a ripped wedding dress and Itachi's clothes neatly folded on a chair. The woman who belonged  
in the wedding dress was nowhere to be seen and neither was Itachi. Did I pick up a married lady last night?  
I knew I was a ladiesman.

Sasori just came stumbling out of the bathroom, grumbling something about reattaching his arm.  
After that Itachi came walking out, completely naked and covered in bruises.  
What the hell have those two been doing? I thought they liked me, but apparently they liked each other better.  
Well, no trouble for me then.

I just congratulated them and they got mad at me. What did I do wrong? I thought they would be happy together?  
Especially with all the love bites Itachi has on his body. Those aren't love bites? Well, what are they then?  
Bruises because they had gotten into a fight? When? Yesterday night? Well, what happened then?  
Seriously, Sasori dressed up in that wedding dress? That's kind of sad. But that doesn't explain why they fought.  
Itachi had lured me into his room? So this is his room? What do you mean I'm naked? Did they touch me?

Who undressed me? Itachi did huh. Well, he will pay for this. Nobody touches me when I'm on  
my most vulnerable. Yes, when I didn't have my beauty sleep I'm on my most vulnerable.  
He took advantage of that! This doesn't explain why Sasori was in a wedding dress by the way.  
You don't know either. Maybe I don't want to know. It's already creepy enough.

I just grabbed my Akatsuki cloak and tiptoed out of the room. They didn't even notice.  
They were bickering like an old married couple. I really do think they would make a good pair.  
Sasori's red hair suites well with Itachi's red eyes. It's like they are made for each other.  
Maybe I should let them be a team and partner up with Kisame. I would be able to see Gayfish then.  
I miss the little bastard so much!

I'm in my room again, thankfully. I could still hear the bickering all the way to my room,  
but they just fell silent. What do you think happened? I'll just take a shower and get a little more sleep.  
I'm still tired and I feel a bit nauseous.

Diary, I need to tell you something terrible. I was just inside the shower enjoying the warm water,  
when something happened. I was just minding my own business. Yes, shaving my legs.  
When both Sasori and Itachi stepped in beside me. I fled the scene as quickly as possible,  
but those smiles will hunt my dreams forever. What the hell were the going to do?  
I don't like being with them anymore. They are not even that cute, you now.

I should contact Pein and ask for another partner. Maybe I will have some peace in my life then.  
What do you think partnered up with Tobi would be like?

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Edo-tensei and Gayfish diary. The rest is in the poll. You can still vote for about two or three days, but then they will meet someone again. I will keep the poll, just pick the most voted on out there. After that you can vote on a new character.


	33. Chapter 33

Dear Diary,

We are finally leaving this place. I was getting pretty sick of the constant war the other two were having.  
They didn't want to talk to each other anymore, so I had to pass on messages.  
Do you know how annoying that is? Especially since Itachi has his pigeon. They are so childish.

Sasori is checking out now and Itachi is also waiting for us. He said that we should all  
go back together to the base like the "happy" family that we are. I would say we are a rather screwed up family,  
but what do I know? I guess Itachi is happy with the way things are going, even when he's still alone.

Some tall blonde woman with huge breasts just came walking in and Sasori and Itachi  
have been staring at her ever since. I thought they liked men? I don't even see what's so hot about here.  
She barely wearing any clothing, only her private parts are really covered up. Oh, wait, I think I just saw a nipple.  
No, wait, it's a freckle. Her tan is pretty fake too, looks like it comes out of a bottle. And that heavy make-up.  
Someone should tell this girl that blue and red don't mix. Really, what is so great about this girl?

She left for the hot spring and now both of the "older" men are keeping me here by taking  
another jump into the hot water. Sasori is even getting his wood wet for this girl. I'm so done with this.  
I don't need those two to take me back home. So, in what country was the base again?  
Right, right, I remember now. Grab your things diary, we're going home!

That damn woman just came out of the hot spring and asked me if I wanted to join her!  
Stupid girl… So, I said yes and I am currently lying in the hot spring with the ugliest woman I've ever seen,  
making Sasori and Itachi rather jealous. How they wished they were mistaken for a girl from time to time.  
Maybe she will let me touch her? I will take full advantage of this situation.

Well, I enjoyed my last stay at the hot spring. I really feel freshened up. She gave me a back rub.  
Apparently she wasn't as annoying as I thought she was. Now it really was time to go home. Yes, I am still smiling.

Omg, diary, do you know what Sasori just asked me? He asked if I learned anything from that girl,  
so I would look even more feminine than I already do. What the hell is that supposed to mean?  
Is he changing me into a woman?

And Itachi just asked if my skin felt as soft as the girl's had and if I could change it if it didn't.  
I kind of don't like them anymore. I mean, first they liked me for who I was and now they want to change me?  
I am a strong woman who can think for herself. Wait, I mean man. They are brainwashing me!

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

The poll is still going on, it seems Gaara will win this round. So if you don't want him to, make sure you vote.

I got a review by Death by manga who asked for more Ino and more other Akatsuki member entries. I will put them back in the poll after the first one is chosen out of them. If you want Ino before Gaara, then you should all vote for Shikamaru and I'll see what I can do!

I think I'll put in Gayfish' diary in tomorrow, because he knows now that Deidara is coming back home!

And the hot girl belongs to Minxx69, not really, but the idea was hers^^


	34. Chapter 34

Gayfish' entry. Tell me what you think about this one.

...

Meow, mraw, maw, hissss

Sorry, I had something stuck in my throat. I think I'm good now.

So, you are probably wondering who I am? Well, I am Gayfish. Yes, sadly that is the name I have been given.  
I was actually born with another beautiful name, but then some creepy guy had to buy me and  
gave me that awful thing of a name. Who calls his pet Gayfish? Seriously, it's just animal torture.  
Do you have any idea how the other cats stare at me when I'm taking a stroll down the street? They laugh at me!

I'm actually terrified for that creepy guy to come home again. Kisame is really nice. He takes good care of me,  
but is trying to make me a vegetarian. I mean really, I need my bits of fish from time to time,  
but nooo that man just won't let me have anything. I tried stalking fishermen, but when he found out he killed them all.  
This is really not working at all. Maybe the creepy guy will bring me some fish again. That's the only thing he can do.

I actually never remembered his name. I only remember that I have to run away when someone  
is starting to speak about explosions and says un a lot. What the hell is a un anyway? Never heard the word before.

You know what the blonde does to me when he's around? No, you don't right,  
because he has to keep it a secret from Kisame. He will kill him if he ever hears about the awful things he does to me. The bas…

Sorry hairball.

Anyway, he makes little clay butterflies and lets me believe they are real ones.  
I go after them and when I caught them, he makes them explode. That scares the hell out of me!  
And I'm always outside at moments like that, so I can't hide under his closet. It's a really nice place and  
the last place where he will start looking for me. He also scratches my ears way to rough, hurting them in the process.  
Do you have any idea how delicate they are? You should handle them carefully with soft hands.

One time he gave me a bath! You don't give cats a bath! We hate the water, every fool knows that.  
Well, apparently not everyone… He really needs to eat some brains or something.  
Maybe that will make him a little smarter.

I got a tip for you. If you ever feel like your nails aren't sharp enough, use one of those wooden dolls.  
They are perfect to sharpen your nails on, but make sure the maker isn't around.  
He gets mad and threatens with purple liquid or something. Not sure what he wants to do with that grape juice,  
but you never know…

Was that a red light? Did you just see the red light? There it was again! It's on the wall!  
I need to catch it, I need to catch it! Yes, it's coming closer. Just a little more. It's under my foot!  
No, it's on my foot. It won't get off! Run away from the scary red light!

Meoowww hisssss

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So, the last bit was about a laser light, but I think you all got that.

In the next one I will introduce the idea of going to Gaara. I'll change the poll today, so you can start voting again.


	35. Chapter 35

Dear Diary,

Did you know you were missing a page? Where did it go? Well, whatever. Doesn't really matter anyway.

We've been on the road for quite some time again. Itachi on my left side and Sasori on my right.  
I have a plan that would just drive them crazy! Just a few minutes and it will start.  
I'm almost done chewing the clay and molding it into the right form. They have no idea what's coming towards them.

Ha! I just flew away on a big ass bird and they are running after me, screaming things.  
And now they are mad at each other for screaming those things at me. Wait till they found out  
that one of them will explode soon. Just have to make the sign. They are not even paying attention to me anymore.  
Only shouting things and pushing each other. Oh, this is going to be good. Finally the first punch was made and  
they are currently rolling on the floor. If you didn't know any better, you would think they were doing something nasty.  
Like sweaty wrestling. No, this is normal wrestling. They are still wearing clothes, so their sweat won't touch.

Now!

That was fun. They are looking really angry at me, but I kind of like the holes I made in there cloaks.  
Their butts can be seen by the world! That will show them. They will not touch me  
if I have not asked them to be touched. Especially not on my butt. And they will not tell me to be like a girl  
as I clearly am not a girl. I have proof for that. I have to shave my chin. Yes, that one hair!  
Don't you mock me. Girls do not have beards!

Mhmm, have to go down now. Pein has joined us on the field. What does he want now?  
Didn't he torture me enough with the eight tales? Maybe he's hungry and wants some brain.  
At least I know he doesn't want mine. Sasori doesn't even have a brain, so Itachi is screwed.  
Shouldn't have been so smart. It kills you eventually…

We need to find another jinchuuriki? Why the hell can't we do something else?  
The one I met was crazy enough, I don't need another one. Maybe this one will really kill me.  
What if this one just keep singing and singing? And then to get away from him I need to sing as well.  
I shall tell you now, I can't sing.

We need to find the one tails this time. It's a raccoon. Pretty sad huh. All these things are animals and  
ugly ones at that. Wonder what this one looks like… Pein says this is the youngest one out of all of them,  
but easy to find. Just inside the sand village, but sources told him he's on a mission now.  
We will stalk him until we found enough information about this guy and then we can go back home.  
I was really looking forward to seeing Gayfish again.

Did you just hear that cat? He sounded really happy… Reminds me of Gayfish. I will see you soon pretty cat,  
just you wait. That cat again, but this time it growled. Strange creature.

We will be flying off to the sand village now. The good thing about this one is that we are leaving Itachi behind.  
One less pervert to deal with.

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

The cat I'm referring to is of course Gayfish. He's screaming in delight and then growls in annoyance. Just wanted to clearify that.

Don't forget to vote. We will see Gaara pretty soon.


	36. Chapter 36

Dear Diary,

Did you know that the sand village was filled with sand? And the area around it too?  
And wind keeps getting it everywhere. I'm pretty sure it's even in my underwear.  
It's making my skin raw and it itches. Who the hell would want to live here? Oh, wait.  
Sasori used to live here. Sand shouldn't be good for wooden puppets. Doesn't all the sand  
get stuck between the joints? Maybe that's why he has so many of them. He can just throw them out  
when they stop working. Would he throw himself away when this body stops working?  
I would just love to blow it up…

Sasori just dragged me towards some sort of cave. He says a sandstorm is coming and  
that we should find shelter. I think it's just an excuse to get me alone. He's such a pervert.  
I will just sit on the other side of the cave as far away as possible from him. Let him just sit alone.

I can't get this sand out of my hair. Iell, I just found some in my ear. How will I get it out?  
I hate my life! Couldn't someone else go looking for this stupid sand jinchuuriki?  
It would have been funny if Kisame went here. He would be like a fish on dry land.  
Would he eventually dry up and die? I would keep him as a souvenir.  
I bet Gayfish would like that.

I guess Sasori wasn't lying about that sandstorm, but sitting here isn't helping that much.  
I'm breathing sand right now. And I bet my hair will be even more filled with sand.  
Is it already getting a brownish color? Does it suit me? Maybe I should dye my hair?  
What color do you think would suit me? Would red fit me? I would be a little feistier…  
I think that would describe me perfectly. I should find some dye, but what kind of color red should it be?  
Like Sasori's? Or Pein's? Or one of the other zombie Pein's? No, I need another red.  
When I'll found the perfect color, I'll know it.

Sandstorm is gone and we are back on the road. Not that you can see a road, because it's just sand!  
I kind of hate sand right now… How can you even have a mission in this place?  
It's not like you can hide anywhere. Or you have to be a sand colored man.  
Does such a person exist? I would want to meet him.

Sasori says we found them, but I can't see them. I just see sand and more sand, oh wait, no more sand.  
I don't get how he can see people in this place. I should have spotted them miles away,  
because they would just stand out right? They are different colored than the sand, so that should be easy.

Wait, where did those people come from? How can they be just a few feet away?  
This is a crazy place I must say. Sasori told me to hide from them,  
so we are currently sitting behind a sand hill. What the hell is that? This place is driving me crazy.

Hey, look. It's a raccoon boy! I want to meet him. Talk to you later.

Love, Deidara

Characters Masashi Kishimoto

The first glimps of Gaara. Currently on the winning hand in the poll are Neji and Sasuke, so if you do not agree with that, vote!


	37. Chapter 37

Sorry it's a little late. I hope you like it this way. I also used Kankuro and Temari in this.

...

Dear Diary,

So I just introduced myself to raccoon boy and apparently he is the jinchuuriki we were looking for.  
Yes, I messed up again according to Sasori, but how was I supposed to now? I mean yes, the one tails is a raccoon,  
but that doesn't mean that the jinchuuriki itself looks like a raccoon. I find that a very bad disguise.  
He should have done better than that. On the other hand, it's so obvious you wouldn't expect it.  
I have mistaken him for not being one. This boy is good…

You know I kind of like his red hair. I think that is the color I want to dye my hair in.  
People will finally stop calling me a dumb blonde and I can mock Sasori for having ugly red hair.  
What do you think? He would be pretty mad right? I like messing with his head.

So, I just introduced Sasori to the one tails as his former self. He totally jumped up in shock until he realized I was lying.  
It was really funny. Raccoon boy didn't laugh though. He's kind of boring if you ask me.  
Can't he smile or something? And where the hell are his eyebrows? Did he shave them to look cool,  
because he just looks like a dumbass if you ask me…

Sasori just said that I look like him since I wear make-up too. I mean seriously?  
Can't he even see the difference between perfectly applied eyeliner and weird genetics?  
I don't look like a raccoon, I look hot. And did you see this other guy that's with raccoon boy?  
I mean that's a whole lot of make-up and it's pretty ugly. Who would even wear purple make-up  
and surely he doesn't know where to put it. He used too much blush on his cheeks and  
he doesn't know where to stop with the eye shadow. He should take some lessons or something.

The girl just started screaming at me for no good reason. What's her problem anyway?  
With the big fan she's waving around. I must say she applied her make-up rather well.  
She should teach the other ones about it.

Hey, a sand wave. Oh no, that's not going into my pants or shirt or hair. I hate sand!  
Where is it all coming from? I was sure it was just below my feet a moment ago!  
And where did raccoon boy go? Why is Sasori screaming at me to look up? Oh my,  
that's a huge wave raccoon boy is standing on. I will mold a bird and fly up. I need to ask him something.

So, just had a pleasant talk with raccoon boy. Apparently his name is Gaara and  
he is not pleased when I call him raccoon boy. Like I care? But anyway,  
so I asked him what color type his hair was and he answered that it were his genes.  
Like that kind of color comes natural. Such a faker… I bet he just wanted to look like Sasori and do it better.  
Did you know that they come from the same village? They all look up to Sasori there. Especially make-up boy.

Now I'm kind of done with the sand. So I think we should leave.  
Where did all that sand come from this time and why does it look like a hand? Damn it, captured again.

Love, Deidara

Characters Masashi Kishimoto

You can still vote!


	38. Chapter 38

Dear Diary,

So again I'm dangling in the air, not due to a squid this time, but due to a raccoon.  
Apparently animals hate me or something. Does this mean that Gayfish hates me too?  
I mean, I gave him a home and everything. He would be pretty ungrateful if he hated me.

The sand is crawling up my butt this time and it's really uncomfortable. I don't get it,  
why am I the only one dangling in the air? Sasori is still on the ground looking rather annoyed.  
Is he blaming me for this? It's not like I asked raccoon boy to capture me and stuff me with sand.  
It's not very pleasant. Like he would want to trade with me. He would be whining the whole time  
about his wood being damaged and stuff. I'm not even screaming yet, so I think I'm doing a pretty good job.

The other two are screaming something at raccoon boy. They are saying he shouldn't use his tomb jutsu.  
The boy himself is looking rather scary, but that's probably caused due to his lack of any eyebrows.  
He looks very serious because of that. You know what I was thinking about.  
Getting him an eyebrow pencil. He should just draw on a pair and then he can actually show emotions.  
Maybe he is a very happy kid who's just unable to smile. This could do the trick.

You know, maybe he isn't happy because he's lacking eyebrows. I would be unhappy,  
because I wouldn't be able to raise one and make Sasori feel foolish. It's the best part of the day!  
I wake up, turn around and raise an eyebrow. Get's him every time. He runs to the bathroom  
to check if he looks funny.

Can't those people down there just shut up? Can't they see I'm trying to write in my diary?  
Gosh, so considerate of them. Stupid ignorant people. Maybe I should throw something.

Oops, just angered raccoon boy even further. He should really try some anger management.  
I think that would really help him out. Calm him down a bit and actually help me get rid of the sand  
instead of forcing it on me. Oh, look at that, he's lowering me and his grip actually tightened to keep me safe.  
What a nice boy. Wait, it's getting really tight now. I can't breathe. No, I will not stop writing.  
I need to tell you what my last breathe feels like, so you can prepare for it when you are old and ugly.  
Or when someone finds out how to kill you, that's also possible.

Sasori knocked raccoon boy down and we are making a run for it. He's angry with me  
for showing my face so many times. The organization should be a secret, but I'm blowing our cover.  
Doesn't he get that that's my thing? I mean, blowing our cover… It's just that simple.  
I thought the hired me for just that. I was here to do the marketing right? I've already made posters and everything.  
Of course they blow up when you stare too long. That's the point, so they remember us.  
They read Akatsuki and then they blow up. It's a perfect strategy.

Well, I guess we are not spending any more time with raccoon boy.  
Too bad, I really wanted to see his new eyebrows. (I totally slipped him an eyebrow pencil).  
Let's see what the rest of life brings us.

Love, Deidara

Characters Masashi Kishimoto

So, this was the end of Gaara. Well, he didn't die, but you know what I mean... I want to continue with the next one you are all voting for. The one with the most votes is Sasuke, so if you want to change that, vote for someone else. You have until tomorrow! I will make a new poll after that, so you can give a new vote!


	39. Chapter 39

Dear Diary,

So we are finally out of the freaking desert, but I can still feel sand everywhere.  
Do you have an idea how to get rid of it? I've taken multiple baths and still it's everywhere.  
I am never going back to that desert ever again.

Do you hear those grunts? It's almost like someone is doing something dirty.  
I feel obliged to check out what it is this person is doing and I'll be taking Sasori with me  
to cover me when I'm seeing awful things.

Oh, it's just some kid who's attacking a tree. What the hell did that tree ever do to him?  
He shouldn't harm him like that. Poor tree and I know Sasori agrees. The tree could be used for better purposes,  
like being blown up or something.

The kid noticed us looking at him and he's stalking towards us. He looks kind of angry and  
his hair is formed strangely. It sort of looks like a… duck butt, yes, that's it.  
How would you even come up with that look? You one day see a duck and think yes,  
its butt has the perfect form. I want my hair in the same style and will be known as duckbutt.  
Not very logical. So what that I cover one of my eyes and it makes me look like a one-eyed freak!  
It's my style and I'll do what I want. You're not the boss of me.

He's saying something, but I can't quite understand him. He seems to be having a speech impediment.  
He keeps saying hn and stuff. Yeah, I like to say un, but that is not the same. I do it to confirm the sentence  
I just said. He's just randomly saying it. He sort of looks familiar though. Wait, is that the sharingan?  
Oh, this is fun. He's the long lost brother of Itachi who is being molested by Orochimaru. So funny,  
although Tobi isn't too happy about it. He says the Uchiha family will never stay alive  
as long as all of the members are gay. I don't really understand why he cares though.

I just asked him where Orochimaru was and he had the most frightening look on his face and  
turned around carefully, thinking he was standing behind him. So cute! He's literally scared of the snake dude!  
I would be too if I was him. Like he would ever be able to defeat him. Look how tiny he is.  
I could just blow him away with my breath alone! He would never be able to defeat me.

This kid is boring. I'll just talk to Sasori for now and ignore this little creature.  
I don't want to be bothered with a nuisance like him.

What the hell? Did he just electrify me? I am no Grease Lightning, damn it.  
This kid will pay for what he did! I will blow him to pieces.

Did you just hear that Tarzan cry? I wonder who that was. Wait, why is Itachi here?  
And why is he wearing an animal fur? This cannot be happening! They are seriously creeping me out,  
but I'll just get some popcorn anyway. A battle between the brothers is not something you want to miss out on!

Love, Deidara

Characters Masashi Kishimoto

I will make a new poll now, so you can all vote again.


	40. Chapter 40

Read the match like a reporter would talk about a golfmatch or something!

...

Dear Diary,

Well that fight I was telling you about, not very interesting. They have been staring at each other  
for like the whole day, without saying anything. The fur thingy Itachi's wearing has been  
crawling up his butt since the beginning. So, the mood gets kind of awkward whenever he tries to pull it out.

Wait, wait, they are moving. Itachi took a step to the side and Sasuke did the same.  
Now they are standing still again. Damn it! I thought things would finally get interesting.  
This is just boring and I don't want to be here anymore. Sasori is even doing something else now.  
He's getting something out of his Hiruko costume. Yes, I'm calling it a costume now.  
He looks like a clown anyway. He's holding a camera and he's taking a picture of Itachi…  
His response was blackmail. Okay, I won't say a thing about it. Let the two handle this themselves…

Sasuke just commented on Itachi's outfit and Itachi gave a quick response, but it wasn't strong enough.  
He lost a point there. Oh, but he took out the Orochimaru card and Sasuke closed up.  
Bonus points for Itachi. It's now two against one and we will continue to the next round.

They are talking elements now. Sasuke through the fire card on the table, but Itachi did the same.  
No points for this one. The next one coming from Sasuke is lightning. What will Itachi show us now?  
Ah, water. He lost this round. Sasuke climbed back up and now it's two against two.  
It will all depend on the next round.

Did Sasuke just call Itachi gay? A great disappointment for the Uchiha clan. Sasuke gained points.  
Now Itachi throws in leaving the females and running towards a pedophile. Also a great disappointment.  
But Sasuke won't be outdone. He throws in… me? Is he talking about me and calling me a look-a-like girl?  
That won't do. And Itachi is not even defending me! The bastard. I will so help Sasori with blackmailing Itachi now.  
He will pay for this. I think it's a draw. No one won and this has been a complete waste of time.

Now I will let Sasuke pay for calling me a girl. You want to know what I did? I skipped around the boy and  
called for Orochimaru. I will show this kid that the snake guy was interested in me for a good reason.

Ah, there he is. Let me wiggle butt a little more and then make a run for it,  
because I do not like the look four eyes is giving me. Why does he hate me anyway?  
He has competition a lot closer to home.

Mhmm, it didn't work. Orochimaru is flirting with Sasuke, so I guess I'm out of the picture.  
Ah, well I have other things to do. Like blackmailing Itachi…

Wait, why are those two giving me these funny looks and why is Sasori holding his camera up?  
Did they take a picture of me? Oh, no. I'm never going to live this down.

And now four eyes is screaming something my way as well… This day sucks so much…

Love, Deidara

Characters Masashi Kishimoto

Don't forget to vote! Sai is winning right now!


	41. Chapter 41

My mind kind of got away from me again. I'm not sure myself what this even is...

...

Dear Diary,

First of I like to tell you that I hate my life. Nothing good happened today and I believe nothing will.  
Orochimaru just came walking my way, suddenly noticing me or something and  
then four eyes threw a rock at my head. I didn't even do anything! And if that wasn't enough  
he suddenly drugged me with something and now everything seems all fluffy and pink. It seems sweet,  
but it's annoying the crap out of me. The weird fur Itachi is wearing looks like a freaking carebear now.  
And I feel like crying because of it. He killed a carebear! Who would kill a carebear?

Anyway, because of the drug I also feel like doing nice things for others. So I offered Sasuke an escape plan  
he can use in the next couple of years and I gave snake dude some rats he could eat.  
Thankfully I still remembered I could make them out of clay and blow some of him up.  
The drug wasn't working properly yet, but then Kabuto got mad. He gave me another dose  
of that stuff and now seriously everything is pink. Even Sasori's hair is pink. It looks kind of pretty though. I want to touch it.

He just slapped me for pulling his hair… Why would he do that, dairy? Why? I feel so unloved.

You know Sasuke's hair now looks like a pink swan. It's pretty and I want to keep it as a pet.  
What do swans eat? Can I dress it up like some girls do with their dogs? I think I have the perfect pink tutu for it.  
I stole that from Konan a while ago. She didn't mind, because it suits me better.

I just realized four eyes sees everything in pink too, because his glasses are pink. Funny…  
And the sharingan is pink too. What kind of genjutsu would come out of that?  
Maybe you would end up in wonderland and you would see a pink rabbit with a pink clock.

Oh, what about a pink Akatsuki robe! We would be so hip and gay. Everybody already thinks I'm gay or a girl.  
Maybe I should start acting like one and they would then think I'm a guy. It's like reversed psychology.  
You see I can be smart.

I'm feeling sorry for the carebear. I think I'll go save it now, because being plastered against Itachi's body  
mustn't be very nice. I'll just rip it off like a band aid.

Sasori is making pictures again and Itachi is giving me funny looks. What does he want from me?  
I'll just sow back the carebear and give it back to him. He would appreciate that.  
It's a strange looking carebear though. It doesn't even have a pretty picture on its belly. I think it's a fake.

Did you know Itachi is naked? I gave him my pink robe to cover himself up, but he didn't want it.  
Why would someone want to stay naked, especially in front of a perv like Orochimaru and  
Sasuke is laughing at him. This was not Itachi's smartest move.

Itachi just told me that my shirt should be washed in the pink river of joy and after that my pants.  
He says I will be even happier after that. Wait, where did he go? Oh, pink haired Sasori punched him away.  
I wanted to go to the pink river of joy! I will find it myself!

So much love you would die, Deidara

Characters Masashi Kishimoto

I think after this I'll go with the blackmailing thing as Jaggermania suggested.

You can still vote, now Neji is winning!


	42. Chapter 42

Dear Diary,

I just almost died! I woke up with my head in a freaking river and I almost drowned!  
What the hell happened to me? I just found out I'm also naked and I can't find my clothes anywhere?  
What do you mean I washed them in the river of joy? That doesn't even exist! I was drugged?  
This is just as bad as when I woke up with that hangover. I can't remember a thing.

Alright, I'll just get up and see where I'm at. Well, I'm still close to the forest,  
so Sasori should be around here somewhere. Oh, wait he's right there. I'll just wave at him.

Why is he making pictures? And why is Itachi pointing at me? I really don't like where this is going…  
I have to destroy that camera and just forget about this whole day!

So, it didn't work. They developed the photos and now I'm screwed. They are standing real close to one another  
and giggling about every photo they're looking at. Even pointing stuff out. This really isn't cool.  
I need to do something about this! I will not let them screw up my perfect reputation!

OMG, these photos are really the worst… Why do I have that goofy smile on my face  
whenever I'm looking at Itachi's butt? It's freaking fur! I shouldn't like that!  
And in the next picture I'm ripping it off him and he's naked. Why did I want to see Itachi naked?  
I never dreamed about that! Drugs really aren't good for me!

Oh no, I'm touching Sasori's hair in this one. And in the next one he slaps me away.  
That goofy smile is still on my face! Why am I acting like that? This isn't me! I feel so ashamed.

Alright it's getting worse now. They captured me just when I was about to blow up the pictures and  
stole them again. They are now threatening with showing them to every Akatsuki member  
if I won't go out on a real date with them. Do they mean a date with the two of them together?  
I don't like it when they are fighting. It gets on my nerves. But going on two dates separately  
might be even more boring… I don't want to spend this much time with them. I hate them!  
I need to think of something…

I just had the perfect idea! And they already agreed to the fact that I can pick out where we are going.  
I will arrange a date in the dark and then slip away. They will think they are spending time with me,  
but I will be gone. It's not like they can see that I've left, right? I think this is a brilliant idea!

Now that I can burn the pictures, I'm happy. I will just keep one, so I can blackmail Itachi whenever I want.  
I need to have some protection you know. They are creeping me out more and more…

Alright, I just saw a pink flower and I felt really nauseous afterwards. Why do I dislike the color pink so much now?  
What happened to me? I will explore some more, diary. Stay tuned.

Love, Deidara

Characters Masashi Kishimoto

So I will do the date in the dark soon. Another filler chapter:) Neji is definitely winning on the poll now, so he will probably be next!

I also wanted to ask if this is still funny or that I should just quit?

And what's up with the new lay-out? Do I really have to find a picture that suits this story?


	43. Chapter 43

Dear Diary,

I finally have some clothes again and we are on our way back to the base.  
At this point I just want to sleep and forget everything that happened while I was gone.  
Too many bad memories have been made during this awful trip. At least I have written them down in you,  
so if I have no idea what I did anymore, I can just look it up.

First I'm hungry, so I'm dragging Sasori and Itachi to this little café.  
A boy has got to eat you know. Otherwise I will never get big and strong.  
Or fat as Sasori so kindly pointed out. Apparently he thinks I will be getting fat.  
Don't know where he gets that idea from. I think I'm rather skinny, but what do I know.

Oh my, do you see that hot girl over there? She really has gorgeous long brown hair reaching her waist.  
I really want to touch it. I bet it's really soft like silk.

OMG, it's a dude, it's a dude! I think I'm going to puke. This is awful.  
How can I find a guy attractive? Well, in my defense he does look like a girl from the back.  
He's just tall, that's all. And maybe I like tall women. His eyes are still really pretty though.  
They are kind of mesmerizing…

I just totally lost myself in his eyes and caused an awkward situation.  
I'm sitting at the same table as him and have been staring for about ten minutes.  
He really must think I'm a creep, but on the other hand he hasn't commented yet.  
Maybe we can be friends!

He just said my hair was pretty. I like him. Then I told him that I liked his hair and he smiled.  
Really a nice guy. Of course then someone had to ruin the mood and no it wasn't one of my stalkers.  
I guess it was one of his… Some guy with mega eyebrows jumped out of nowhere and  
started blabbing away about something. I was thinking about how he should donate some  
of his eyebrow to raccoon boy. He would be so happy and not out to kill everyone anymore.

So mega eyebrow ordered a plate of curry and is currently eating it loudly.  
And then I was surprised by meeting his father, extreme eyebrow.  
They seriously used a pot, put it on their head and cut all the hair off that stuck out.  
Who invented this hairstyle anyway? That man should be put in jail! Or I'll just blow him up.  
That would work too.

At least mister nice guy is looking rather grumpy too. The two are very annoying and  
loud for that matter. They remind me of Tobi a bit… I don't miss Tobi…  
Maybe I'll just blow the two up and make mister beautiful hair smile again. Yes, that should work!

Wait, where have my two stalkers gone off to? They should be around here somewhere.  
They are not sitting at a table or gone to the bathroom. Damn it, they are right in front of me,  
flirting with pretty hair! What the hell? Alright I'm done. This is not even funny anymore.  
They do not really like me, they just like everyone that looks sort of pretty.

I'm out of here.

Love, Deidara

Characters Masashi Kishimoto

Neji has entered the building! Or something like that. I will take him out of the poll. Currently there are three others sharing second place, so you need to vote!

And another note: if they are really taking down all the stories that contain smut, I might be leaving for Adult fanfiction. Most of my stories do contain smut, so I'll be kind of forced too. Just wanted to warn you guys!


	44. Chapter 44

Jaggermania, I have no idea what you are talking about! How can you say that Deidara is gay? I mean he hides in a closet all the time, he wears make-up, he likes to dress up like a girl and he's secretly attracted to men. No, I think he is a very manly and straight guy!

...

Dear Diary,

I just walked out of the café and got jumped on by someone.  
It was mega eyebrow and he screamed back at his father that  
he had caught the villain. Who still says villain? Seriously, how old is this guy?  
He should just grow up. And how the hell am I the villain?  
I'm not the one who is currently swooning over their teammate!  
Stupid Sasori and stupid Itachi. Who the hell do they think they are?

I feel depressed…

Well, the kid finally got of me and now mister nice guy is giving me a cold glare.  
What did I do? Minding my own business, that's what! I just want to go home and that's that.  
The stupid redhead and the idiotic blackhead, haha blackhead,  
can just stuff it somewhere the sun don't shine. Yes, said don't and  
you can just imagine my finger moving along when I'm saying it.

Not the waiter came running outside and said we still needed to pay and  
who are the bastards pointing at? Exactly, me. I really hate them all!  
Half of them I don't even know and still they screw me over. I should do something about it!

Oh, you want to know what that explosion was? It was only my claymoney  
I gave to the waiter and after that I blew up the café. No one will screw with me!  
The waiter came out again, his clothes all burned up and now it was my time to point.  
I told him that the others had planned it all along and that they had hidden a bomb under the table.  
Seems someone else will be in trouble now…

And now I can go home and the others have to fight their way out of this.  
These are the moments I enjoy most. I can watch my two stalkers fight others,  
while I sit back and watch the show. Of course they will win this round,  
waiters aren't that strong, but will they win against all those eyebrows?  
I would stop fighting out of fear for the monster eyebrows.  
Of course mister handsome isn't helping either. They already find him attractive and  
they wouldn't attack someone they like, right? Wait, they have hurt me plenty of times!  
I hope the boy burns in hell!

Of course the guy didn't want to fight. He just had to ruin everything!  
Now I'm still screwed and have to travel back with stalker one and stalker two.  
I wish they would just leave me alone. I don't need a babysitter! I think I can find my own way home!

Diary, I'm lost… Stalker one and stalker two have disappeared and  
I don't know which way they went… Do you know the direction to the base?  
I'm kind of afraid in the dark and need Sasori to tug me when I'm going to bed.

Thank god, they were just on the other side of the tree. I got scared for nothing.  
No, I'm okay, I'm okay. They shouldn't scare me like that. Now let's go back home!

Love, Deidara

Characters Masashi Kishimoto

Of course they aren't going home... I have enough in store for our little blonde. I think I will put in the date in the dark first and after that the next one out of the poll. Currently Naruto is winning, so do something about this if you don't like him!


	45. Chapter 45

Sorry, a little later than usual, but yeah didn't really have time today...

...

Dear Diary,

I'm still not going home. My stalkers are keeping me away from my own bed and  
my own bathroom and my own life. They are forcing me to date them and  
by that I mean right now. I hoped they would have forgotten after meeting a new hottie,  
but apparently not. I still insisted on the date in the dark though, so maybe I can still sneak out of it.

Well, it took us some time to actually find a restaurant where you could dine in the dark,  
but we found one. I wished that they would just give up and I would be sitting on the couch in the base,  
enjoying a glass of grape juice.

Okay we are going in diary. I see the black curtains we have to go through and  
after that it will be completely dark. I just remembered I won't be able to write in you there.  
Well, diary. This means I will tell you everything later. I'll make sure to get out as soon as possible.  
I will use my excellent skills for direction and guide myself out of the place.

They are letting us in. I'm excited!

So I finally got out, but it wasn't due to my direction skills. I will now tell you what happened.  
First we sat down at a small table. One of the stalkers was in front of me and the other next to me.  
I wasn't sure who was who. It all started out rather calm. One of the waiters told us what we would be getting  
and then left us all alone.

This was when it got creepy. Neither one of the two stalkers said anything and this was kind of strange,  
because it was a date. Or don't you talk on dates? I've never been on one, so I can't be the judge of that.  
After that the creepiness started. A hand was laid down on my upper leg and  
a foot was rubbing against my calf. So I jumped up and moved away a little.  
I was happy when they didn't try to touch me again, but this is where I was mistaken.

You are probably wondering what I'm talking about, but suddenly I heard Sasori  
saying my name in a weird way and then Itachi made a weird squealing sound.  
I don't know what happened, but that was the time I had to get out of there.  
Unfortunately that didn't work out so well.

So I silently got up and tiptoed towards the door, or so I thought. I tumbled over a table full of food and  
fell off on the other side of it, dripping with all sorts of things. Waiters came running towards me and  
some of them actually fell over me and more food was thrown at me out of nowhere.  
Well, okay, out of somewhere, but I couldn't see where it was coming from.

Then my two stalkers dragged me out of the place and Sasori has been very mad since then.  
He's grumbling again and calling me a brat. I'm just happy he's treating me like he always did again.  
Now all I had to do was convince Itachi that I wasn't such a good catch, but the food isn't helping him.  
I'm not sure what's covering me, but it smells sweet and we all know how much Itachi loves sweet stuff.

Well, we are really going home now! Finally I don't have to spend time with other people again.  
I don't like meeting new people anymore. They aren't nice to me…

Did you just hear that sound? I got to explore!

Love, Deidara

Characters Masashi Kishimoto

The next one will be the winner of the poll, still Naruto, so don't worry Jaggermania;) I will look tomorrow who will be the official winner and remove him out of the poll.

For the ones who are reading my other stories, I'm sorry that I've been late with updating them, I simply didn't have the time. Now I will write a chapter for one of them tomorrow, but not sure which one. If you have an opinion about that, PM me or leave a review!


	46. Chapter 46

So for the ones who were wondering why the waiters could see in the restaurant of the previous chapter(Jaggermania). They are actually almost or fully blind themselves, so they don't need to see. They are so used to it, that they can find their way through the restaurant by remembering the route they need to walk. I've been to one of these places and it's really a lot of fun!

Now on with Naruto;) I think I will keep him around for a few chapters...

...

Dear Diary,

I just found the cutest little boy ever! He has the same color hair as me and  
he has these little whiskers drawn on his face. I think I shall keep him as my pet.  
When I grabbed him he yelled something about not angering him too much,  
otherwise a fox would come out or something. This means I shall call him Foxy.

So we now have a little foxboy joining us on the journey back home.  
At first he struggled a bit under my grip, but I know you have to be strict with your pets.  
So when he kept saying that I had to let him go, I patted him on the nose.  
He did shut up after that. I think I will be a good master. What do you think?

And again Sasori is whining about me being a brat and adopting another brat.  
I just had to hug him, because he's just a lot more fun like this.  
I think he would have blushed if he could. Itachi on the other hand isn't looking so pleased.  
Why does he keep glancing at my net pet? Is he jealous of me finding him first?  
Well, he can just forget it. Foxy is mine! He's going to have so much fun with Gayfish!  
They will play around and sleep together on the couch, making Hidan angry,  
because he's allergic to them.

I'm so excited! I will make him his very own house. No, better,  
I will force Sasori to make him his very own wooden house! I will force Kakuzu and  
Konan to make him cute little outfits. Kisame and Gayfish will go along on the play dates.  
Tobi has to stay away from him, because I don't want to scare the little fellow.  
Itachi will be his babysitter. He's so calm and quiet. I'm sure Foxy will like that.  
Zetsu will be blown up if he gets anywhere near Foxy. He will not eat my sweetheart!  
As long as Pein promises not to eat his brain, he can play with him if he wants.  
And I will irritate Hidan by dropping Foxy of in his room sometimes.

We've been traveling for a few hours now and Foxy is looking tired. We should take a break.

And of course my stalkers needed to go against me, but I will have none of that anymore.  
I'm a mommy now and I will say what is best for my baby. Like they even know what it's like.  
They never needed to care for anyone else but themselves. Don't even try to tell me how to raise my baby.

He keeps saying Naruto. Is he like a Pokémon that keeps repeating his own name?  
Can he do cool moves like lightningbolt? No, he doesn't look like a Pokémon.  
Maybe he's just weird or in denial. I can relate to that. Who doesn't want to be a Pokémon?

Ssshhh, he fell asleep. He's all curled up against my leg, snoring softly.  
He's such a sweet animal. I will keep him forever and ever.  
Yes, our lives together will be fantastic and we will have so much fun.

Love, Deidara

Characters Masashi Kishimoto

Ah, isn't Naruto cute? I will remove him from the poll! Now we have a shared second place. The next one up will either be Kakashi, Sai or Shikamaru. Vote for the one you want and that one will probably be the one to safe Naruto out of the hands of the crazy blonde mother...


	47. Chapter 47

Dear Diary,

We have finally returned back to the base. I've installed everything for little Foxy  
who still keeps saying Naruto. He's a weird animal… But still super sweet.

Everyone in the house seems to like him too. Even Hidan who is apparently not allergic to this one.  
I mean who would have thought that? I just hope he doesn't want to keep him for himself,  
because he's been cuddling with him for a while now. If he wants one,  
he should wait until Gayfish and Foxy get babies. He can have one of those.

I've made Foxy a little bed and stole Itachi's pillow, so he can lay on that.  
I wanted Gayfish to join Foxy, but he ran away as soon as he saw me.  
I did forget to bring him a present, but I just thought Foxy would be enough.  
Apparently Kisame spoiled him too much and now he's greedy. Well,  
I will not raise him too, so Kisame just has to deal with it.

Ah, isn't Foxy sweet. His head is on my lap and he's snoring softly. He really has a soft fur,  
but we need to do something about this weird orange color of it. I should take him to the trim salon  
and let them dye it. What color do you think would suit him? Purple maybe?  
Or just pink so everyone knows who the girl out of the couple is. Gayfish should be dyed blue or something.  
Ah, they would look perfect together.

Finally that cat came out of his hiding place and is currently sniffing Foxy up.  
He sneezed after. What does that mean? That he's allergic? That wouldn't work.  
Kisame already agreed that they should get married. He can't back out now!  
I already asked Konan to make a cute wedding dress and everything.

Itachi will not be invited to the wedding by the way. He's been glaring at Foxy  
the whole time since we arrived back at the base. I mean how can you even hate  
such a cute little creature? He really needs to stay away from my sweetheart.  
I will hurt him if he so much as point at him the wrong way. He will not be tolerated!

Of course Kakuzu had to whine about Foxy being too expensive to stay,  
so I blew him up with some leftover play-doh. Foxy liked it, because he started  
clapping at all the pretty colors. I didn't know animals could clap? He really is so special, isn't he…

Oh no, Tobi has arrived. We'll see how this ends. He better not hurt my precious.

He looked at Foxy a bit funny and then scurried of towards Pein. Really weird if you ask me.  
Do you think he's afraid of him? Would be nice, because he wouldn't bother me anymore.  
We'll see what comes out of this.

Now we will feed little Foxy. He kept saying ramen, but I won't feed my pet such  
disgusting and unhealthy stuff. So he will be eating together with Gayfish. Liver it is then.  
I bet he will love it. Gayfish does.

I'm going to spend a little more time with my sweetheart. Talk to you later.

Love, Deidara and Foxy

Characters Masashi Kishimoto

I kind of liked the idea of Death by manga, so I think that will come in the next chapter... I want to say bestiality though... Can I use that word on here? I'm not sure...

And Sai is winning now, so if you don't want him to rescue Naruto out of the claws of one crazy mom, then start voting!


	48. Chapter 48

Dear Diary,

Foxy really feels at home now. She laid down on everyone's lap by now and  
most of them even petted her. So sweet! Konan is going all fangirl on her and  
is making her little outfits, like a ballerina costume and a princess dress.  
The next one will be a leather suit, but I'm not so sure about that one.  
I don't want Gayfish to get the wrong idea, you know. He might expect things from her she isn't even ready for.

Alright, this is strange… Itachi is talking to Foxy, well more like whispering.  
What the hell is he up to? He better not say anything scary. I don't want to deal  
with a scared kitten that won't come out from under my bed. I remember when it  
was storming outside and she was shivering under my bed, flinching at ever thunderclap.  
Oh, wait, that was only yesterday… She barely got over that!

I need to get closer to them and see what they are whispering about.  
I will sneak behind the couch and then crawl towards the other side of the room.  
When I get there I will lie down on the ground and pull myself towards the chair where they are sitting on.  
Yes, Foxy is lying in his lap and is being patted by Itachi. He isn't using him to  
get me out on a date again, right? I thought he hated pets, he hates Gayfish as far as I know.

So my plan of course failed. I didn't even get behind the couch without making a noise.  
Gayfish actually jumped on me with everything he had. Meaning all his nails are pierced through my skin.  
I really need to talk to Kisame about this weird behavior. He needs to teach him how to behave.  
That is still not my job, but I'm being bothered by the lack of it. He wanted to have the cat and  
he shall take good care of him. He needs to know who is boss and currently Gayfish is boss.  
He could learn so much from Foxy. She got worried immediately and asked how I was.  
She's such a smart girl.

Well, now I'm just talking to Itachi and he is mentioning something very disturbing.  
He's talking about Orochimaru and how he is using his little brother for his own perverted mind.  
I don't know why he's bothering me with this, but I want him to stop talking.  
Usually writing in my diary helps, because they feel ignored, but I think Itachi knows about this move.  
He just keeps talking. Maybe petting Foxy helps.

At least she likes it. Those sweet purring sounds and a content smile on her face.  
Isn't she precious? I wish to keep her forever and ever.

Okay, Foxy is out. I just set her loose in the woods again. Itachi said that I had  
some weird fetish going on. I wasn't sure what he meant, so I asked. Never ask,  
seriously, never ask what they mean with that. He says I'm into bestiality. I am not!  
I would never touch Foxy in a wrong way, but I couldn't convince Itachi of that and  
he said that Pein wouldn't approve of it. She needed to go, it was for the best…  
But I will miss her nonetheless!

Love, a saddened Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So this was one of Death by manga's ideas, a little altered by me.

Now in the next one Deidara and Itachi will go out looking for Naruto, but guys you really need to vote! Kakashi, Sai and Shikamaru or all competing for first place and I can't write the next one without a clear person in mind!


	49. Chapter 49

And Kakashi is the winner!

...

Dear Diary,

So getting rid of Foxy wasn't the smartest thing to do. Pein is really mad,  
but fortunately not at me. Itachi is screwed! Apparently Foxy is no one other than the nine tailed fox.  
Who would have guessed that? I sure wouldn't, but it's still weird that Itachi wanted me to get rid of her.  
Oh, it's a he by the way. I didn't know that, he looks really girly you know…

Ah, damnit I'm screwed too… I have to go with Itachi and find Foxy,  
because I'm the only one he listens to or something. Doesn't he understand that will only pain me further?  
Maybe he does, but just doesn't care. He somehow likes pain or something and wishes it upon others too.  
Or maybe he wants others to suffer just as much as he suffers. I can imagine that when you are called Pein…

Now me and one of my stalkers are on our way again. Sasori was kind of jealous,  
but I didn't want him to come as well. They would just drive me crazy again with their fighting and stuff.  
We would never find Foxy like that. I don't even think we will find him when it's just Itachi and me.  
He probably ran off somewhere already, bawling his eyes out. I know he will miss me loads.

So apparently he doesn't miss me at all. We just ran into him with some grey-haired dude tagging along.  
He was reading something. Would it be his diary? What do you think?  
Did I finally found someone who writes in his diary just like me? I knew I wasn't crazy!  
I will rub this in Sasori's face when I get back home!

I just had a conversation with the grey dude. I peeked inside his book and he did the same with mine.  
He read all the stuff I put in here and isn't so pleased with me calling Foxy Foxy.  
But then he started to laugh and is teasing Foxy with his new name. He's saying a lot of Naruto again.  
I still think he's a Pokémon of some sorts. Just not a very smart one. He can't even attack properly.  
He needs to be trained better, but that is not my concern anymore. I told grey dude about it and he agreed.  
Naruto does need more training. Yes, we are calling him by his Pokémon name now.  
It's what he prefers or something? Like I care?

So grey dude said he doesn't want to be called grey dude anymore, because he isn't old and it's silver.  
Yeah, right, silver… His name is apparently Kakashi and he reads porn. Yes, forgot to mention that.  
I peeked inside his little book remember. It's not a diary or that is what I'm assuming anyway.  
I don't think he acted out everything that happens in the little book. And otherwise I don't even want to know.  
Seriously, I don't want to know what he does with a certain person called Iruka.  
That's none of my business and Hidan's tapes scarred me enough.

Now we will just take Foxy, I mean Naruto, back to the base and be done with that.  
Pein will be pleased ones more.

And I'm captured again. Why does this always happen to me and why is Itachi just standing there?  
What kind of savior would do such a thing? I will definitely not go out with him now!

Love, Deidara captured ones again

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

I will take Kakashi out of the poll and thought of a few who I can add.

Also the next one will be number 50! Yes, seriously, I've written almost 50 of these things... But I was thinking about making it a bit special or something. So tell me demands, things you want to be in it! I might make it a little longer, but I need some help guys;) It can be random to if you want, then I'll continue with Kakashi in the one after that!


	50. Chapter 50

Hey guys, this is a little different than usual, but bare with me! I had this idea last night as I was laying in bed and I just had to use it for number 50! Because they are captured I was thinking of an army diary where they speak with dates and times. I hope it worked out like this and hope you all like it! It's a little longer than usual.

And congratulations for being able to stand my crazy mind for already 50 Dear Diary's!

...

**April 2, 14.00 hours,**

We are on enemy grounds. Captured by grey dude and Foxy. They are calling for back-up.  
I'm not sure we will get out of this alive. Itachi is still rather cool under all of this.  
I think he's gone into complete shock. He would not last much longer. None of them do…

**April 2 14.05,**

Still captured. Foxy just brought us some food. I'm not sure why, but he smiled at me.  
I should be safe. I still gave Itachi the first bite. He's already done for,  
might as well get some use out of it. But after he's gone, I'm not sure if I will live.  
Being alone here really drives you crazy…

**April 2 14.60,**

Itachi's looking over my shoulder. He's pointing out that 14.60 isn't right. Like I really care.  
I'm not even wearing a watch. It could be 16.00 for all I know. Why does he have to whine now?  
We are already in a lot of trouble and still he has to point out that he's smarter than me.  
I wish I was captured with someone else. This just sucks…

**April 2, 15.78,**

I am aware that that's not even a real time, but I don't care anymore. We are still captured,  
but we aren't even guarded properly. Grey dude is reading in his little book again,  
but I actually noticed he's writing down stuff. Maybe it is some sort of diary,  
but then with pervy stuff in it. Maybe he's a writer! Or is he taking notes of some sort?  
I don't know why I'm interested in this all. I'm actually pretty bored and Itachi isn't helping.  
Where the hell is Foxy anyway?

**April 2, 23.45,**

Again Itachi had to whine. I know it's not midnight and only an hour in total has passed,  
but I'd like a bit of drama in my diary. I can't go out writing that we're still just sitting here,  
doing absolutely nothing! Oh, I just did. Anyway, we are still captured, but I've come up with an escape plan.  
I will not tell Itachi since he's being annoying. Where the hell did he go anyway?  
He just escaped and left me here? What kind of friend would do that? Alright he's not my friend,  
but he was my partner for this mission and I'm pretty sure you should bring your partner back alive with you.

**April 2, 45.26,**

I'm still stuck in this hell hole. Itachi's been gone for like 5 minutes or something.  
I feel myself slipping away and I'm not sure I can take this all much longer.  
Hey, there is a hole in the fence. Oh, I need to escape through that. I will crawl through it now.

**April 2, 4 numbers with a dot in the middle,**

I have escaped! I'm finally out and I feel so free. Now we will continue this war until we have Foxy back!  
I will not lose him again! He will be with us forever!

**April 2, something, **

So they have been gone for a while now. Apparently the grey dude I have been staring at  
is actually a wooden doll. Really an ugly one too. Sasori can do even a better job  
than this and that's saying something. I guess they really fooled us this time,  
but we will get those damn brats! Now I have to go out and find another pet.  
Do you think there are any cute ones out here?

**April 2, 643.234,**

On our way back home. It has been a tough fight, but we survived. My parents will be so proud of me.  
My wounds will heal over time and fade into scars. They will let me remember everything  
that has happened today and I will cherish them and hate them at the same time.  
Pain will be here forever, but it was all worth it. Stop reading over my shoulder and  
don't comment on what I'm writing! Damn it Itachi, I hate you! Go away and leave me alone already!  
I know I don't have any physical scars, but do you have any idea how much it hurt to abandon Foxy?  
No, you do not, because you suck! And I know that 643.234 is not a time. I know.  
I can't believe you really think I'm that stupid! Alright, I'm done.  
I'm going home. So much for my dramatic ending…

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

And how was it? Good I hopeXD Please review this one, I'm really curious to what you all are thinking!

As for the next one, they will be going home. I liked the idea of Suki77 of Kakuzu and Kisame getting revenge, so I will probably use that one! For the rest, get to the voting. I put in some new faces, because it was really getting empty. Next one will probably be Sai and after that Shikamaru, but what will happen then? I'm secretely hoping for Tsunade, because I think she would be cool^^


	51. Chapter 51

Mhmm, number 50 wasn't that great huh? I really hoped it would be a bit original next to the other ones... I hope you'll like this one again.

...

Dear Diary,

So I just got home and everything seems quiet. Maybe a little too quiet.  
I know life around here has been boring ever since Foxy left, but that doesn't  
mean everybody should be moping over it. Even I'm already back to work.  
Yes, I blew up one of Sasori's puppets again just to see if they really are stronger  
than grey dude's doll. It was stronger. The doll broke down into a million splinters  
and the puppet just in a few pieces. The joints are still way too weak.

There is no one in the kitchen. Very strange… Usually there is at least someone  
eating something or someone else. I took a peek around the corner, but nothing was there.  
Very suspicious. I have never been alone in the base before. Do you think I should take advantage of this?  
Yes, I agree. Let's strip naked and have fun. Why I need to be naked?  
Because that is what people do when they are alone, right? I borrowed some  
of Itachi's magazines he keeps under his bed and the men in there walk  
around naked in their apartment. Itachi is the smart one, so he should be right.

Okay, I'm naked and ready to have fun! What should I do first? Run around naked! Such a great idea!

Yaaaaaayyyy, did you see that flash? Whatever, yaaaaayyyyy.

Okay, time for something else! I will cook dinner while I'm naked! What should I make?  
I can't even really cook, maybe something simple. I'll just boil an egg!

Hot water burns… I'm never going to cook again while I'm naked and  
I'm pretty sure I saw another flash. Do you think I have an eye problem?  
Am I going blind? Are these the first signs of craziness? Will I become just like Tobi?

I just remembered I didn't bring my claypouch with me, since I'm naked and all.  
I wanted to blow up Kakuzu's room again, but when I got there, I didn't have any clay.  
It was a real bummer… I still don't know where all the others are? Even Gayfish is  
nowhere to be seen and I left him some fish. He usually comes running as soon as he smells it.

So I've been checking every room now and there is really no one around here.  
It's kind of freaky. What do you think happened here? Did Zetsu eat them all  
like he had wanted to do in the first place? I remember it well. It was my first day here  
and I was just introduced to the crazy person. Yeah, Konan. He came out of a wall  
and grumbled something about eating every person that is alive. Really a strange fellow.

Another flash, what's going on here? I feel like I'm missing something.  
Did I just hear someone laugh? No, that can't happen. I checked every room  
and seriously no one was there… What do you mean I should look behind me?  
They can't be following me this entire time. I mean, I would have noticed.  
Alright, alright, I'll turn around.

Oh no, you got to be kidding me… They have been here the whole time…

Love, Deidara(still naked)

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

I changed Suki77's idea a little bit. They are all having some revenge... I will continue this in the next chapter.

Keep voting! Sai is winning and will enter in the one after the next!

I also had the idea of the one who leaves the 200st review. I will leave them a PM and let this person help me with creating a new Dear Diary! Only if they want of course. So leave a review if you want the change to win^^


	52. Chapter 52

Dear Diary,

I escaped the whole group and currently I have clothes on again.  
I hope they didn't see that much of me, but I'm not too sure about that.  
I really have no idea how long they have been standing behind me.  
They are really sneaky you know. Who seriously thinks about looking behind them?  
I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I would never have seen them.  
Can you buy that kind of things somewhere? It would be very convenient to  
have eyes in the back of my head. And I could creep people out by lifting  
my hair up and blink with those eyes. I would have so much fun.

I just walked into the living room and Kisame and Kakuzu are standing behind a table.  
There is a sign on the table, but I can't read what's on it. Konan is standing before it.  
I tried peeking around her, but Sasori only got in the way then. Actually all of the members are here,  
looking at something that is on that table. What are they doing?

I walked up to the table and it's the scariest thing I've ever seen.  
Stacks of pictures of me being naked are displayed on the table.  
They were taking pictures of me! So this is happening again! I need to destroy them all!

They threw me out! What the hell are they doing with those pictures?

Oh no. That can't be right. They couldn't have said that.  
They are seriously keeping an auction with my pictures. They can bet on the one they want!  
Why would they want a picture of me in the first place? Are they going to use this against me?  
I'm so afraid of them right now. I need to hide somewhere. Thankfully I'm back home,  
so I can sit in my closet again. Let's go diary!

Everything seems quiet. I think we are safe. We just need to keep still  
and this will all be over soon. As long as they aren't able to find us,  
they can't hurt us. This is a life's lesson diary, so remember it.

Okay this is very strange. Itachi just crawled into the closet and sat down next to me.  
He's showing the pictures he just bought to me. Like I want to see them!  
What the hell is his problem anyway? I'm naked in all of them and  
he made sure that was the most important feature in the picture.  
Does he really need to know how my naked butt looks? I don't need to know  
and I can see it in the mirror. He's even smiling creepily. I want him to go away.

Tobi crawled in too. He sat down on my other side and now I'm cramped between the two.  
I can't breathe properly… And he had to show his pictures too.  
Like I care what kind of pictures he has! He has pictures of me  
where I'm running around naked. He points out how happy I look while doing it  
and then Itachi had to see them too. They are actually trading pictures now like they are cards you can collect.

I'm wondering who will enter next…

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

I left a good opening here right? If you have any ideas about who has what kind of pictures, let me know in a review. This will also bring you closer to the 200! Only 12 more to go and Jaggermania has her mind set on it;)


	53. Chapter 53

Dear Diary,

They haven't stopped coming in. It's getting more crowded in my closet by the minute  
and it irritates me to the fullest. Why can't they just leave me alone?  
I don't need to see the pictures they have of me. I've been humiliated enough,  
thank you. Don't they understand this is only making it worse? I feel terrible and  
I believe it won't end very soon. I also heard Kisame whispering something to Kakuzu.  
I think they have something to do with this, but I'm not so sure yet.

The first one who came in after Tobi was Konan. She pushed Itachi to the side  
who grumbled something and sat at the back of the closet, still admiring the pictures he had of me.  
I will burn them very soon. Then Konan had to show me her pictures too,  
although these weren't naked, anymore… She bought the full body pictures,  
so you could see my whole body well. At first I was naked of course,  
but she had taken the time to cut out outfits out of her magazines.  
I am wearing dresses and skirts in almost every picture. She also took the time to  
cut out some wedding dresses. Apparently Sasori has been talking to her about it…

Then Hidan pushed inside, squishing everybody to the side. He's way too big to be in my closet.  
He almost threw Konan and Tobi to the other side of the closet, both landing right on top of Itachi.  
I must say it looked rather funny them trying to get off each other. But my good mood was soon gone  
when Hidan showed me his pictures. He was talking about positions and  
what would be good ones and stuff. I don't know what he's talking about and  
I don't really want to know. His movies said enough and I'm afraid he's referring to them now.  
I just know you will never find me in those "positions" again.

Okay, this is pretty weird. Gayfish just got in the closet as well. He sat down before me  
and had only one picture in his mouth. I took it from him and saw that I was getting him food in it  
, naked. I guess he ignored the naked part and just wants food or something.  
Kisame really needs to feed the little guy. I am not his owner!

Alright, diary, keep breathing. Just calm down and keep breathing. Everything will be alright.  
Pein won't hurt us. He's a good guy and we already found out he didn't want to eat my brain, right?  
He even screamed it at us. We should just avoid eye contact. Which isn't hard  
since he's sitting right next to us! He has a creepy smile on his face. Not like the one Itachi had,  
but more hungry or something? He's showing me the pictures now.

Okay again, keep breathing. He has only pictures showing off me head. Only my head.  
This doesn't mean anything, really nothing. He doesn't want to eat my brain.  
Although I've heard of a condition called brainatarian. They only eat my brain,  
preferably cow's or pig's brain. Maybe I should be carrying on around just in case.  
I can throw it away as a distraction.

I think I want to get out of the closet now. It's getting pretty scary inside.  
Unfortunately the others won't let me and I think more will join me inside. Help me.

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

I have a few more people to go. Sasori, Zetsu and Kisame and Kakuzu themselves. I didn't forget anyone, right?

Now we still have 9 more reviews to go! I thought this would go a little faster, but I also think I'm losing readers. This is still fun, right? Well good luck to the ones who still want to win and don't forget the poll on my profile page. After the picture show Sai will be introduced probably.


	54. Chapter 54

Very interesting... The first one who will review this, will win the 200 review challenge... I will be looking forward to that review and I hope it's a nice one too. Would be bad if I got a lot of critics on itXD

...

Dear Diary,

So, Pein is still sitting next to me, but he actually explained now why he wanted those pictures.  
Apparently he has a thing for hair. That's why you can see a different side of my head in every picture.  
He particularly likes my hair and that's why he's been caressing it ever since.  
I feel really awful now. How can you ask your boss nicely to stop touching you?  
Itachi is actually giving him the evil eye. I wonder what will happen next.

Okay, so my other stalker just joined me inside and he sat down on my lap.  
I don't know why, because no one is sitting at my other side, so there would be room there.  
He still had this bored expression on his face, but I think he just can't look any different.  
Maybe he looks a bit sleepy too. Although that wouldn't be strange. He hasn't slept in years.  
I would be dead tired too. He actually looks pretty refreshed for someone who doesn't sleep.  
I know how I look when I haven't had my beauty sleep and it isn't a pretty sight.  
Bed hair is really not my thing, you know.

I didn't really get his pictures though. He showed me pictures where I was peeking inside of Itachi's room first  
and shook his head at that. I was only taking a look if someone was there.  
After that he showed me pictures where I was peeking inside his puppet room.  
Again he shook his head. The kitchen followed and he gave an approving nod.  
And lastly his bedroom, picture focused on his bed, and he gave me the thumbs up.  
Now that I think about a little bit more, he has to get off my lap. I will punch him in the face if he doesn't.

Kakuzu opened the doors of the closet and hovered over me. A few pictures in his hand.  
He gave me a weird look, pointed at my clay pouch and portrayed an explosion.  
He did a pretty good job actually. I could almost see him flying through the air.  
Then he pointed at the pictures and with his hands he showed me how big they could get.  
He's threatening me I think. I will find those pictures first and destroy them.  
I can't go a day without blowing up Kakuzu, so this can't really happen. He won't win this fight!

It was finally time to get out of that closet. Most of them were still looking at each other's pictures  
and I was pretty done with them. I needed to leave. Of course I ran into Kisame after that.  
Well, more like he was sitting in the living room on a large red chair. I don't know when we  
got new furniture though. And he was petting Gayfish. He started to talk real weird,  
saying see at the end of every sentence and he tried to do a fake Italian accent.  
Didn't really work out and I swear even Gayfish started to laugh. I was laughing so hard in the end,  
that in anger he threw the pictures he was holding at me. Loser! Now at least I have those!

Kisame really kept the worst ones for himself. I can't even begin to explain what was on them and I won't.  
You don't need to know and I don't want to scar you. Just trust me on this one. I will blow them up right now!

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

I will make Deidara leave the base again in the next one, so he can meet Sai. The one that wins might not have anything to do with the "storyline." I will tell you when it arrives!


	55. Chapter 55

Dear Diary,

So the teasing about the pictures didn't get better as I expected.  
It actually got worse when they all made posters out of their favorite one.  
They hang them up on their doors, so we could see whose room it was.  
Yeah, that's just what I needed. Seeing myself naked every day.  
They actually took their time to hang on up on my door. They picked one that  
would suit me the best. It was me pointing two water guns at nothing in particular,  
looking like a tough guy. Oh and I'm naked. Yeah, they said the childishness fitted me the best.  
Thank you very much…

This led to me doing something very strange. I actually asked for a mission.  
Yes, I know, crazy right? I just can't stand being here any longer!  
I can handle Sasori alone and he's not even the worst one. He just wants me  
to stay away from Itachi and uses the pictures to make clear what he wants me to do.  
I did the same to him and made clay puppets to show him what I wanted him to do.  
Get out, was my answer.

So you understand now why we are in the open air again. Can you feel the wind  
caressing through your pages? Feels good right? And I made a new kind of flying creature.  
Do you like bats? I watched Batman the other day and now I'm a fan. Did you hear his deep voice,  
it's to die for. It made me all tingly inside. I can't wait for the new one to come out!  
Maybe I can drag someone to join me. I need someone to go with to the movies.  
It's just sad if I go alone and I can't buy my diary a ticket. Or can I?

Sasori is looking at the structure of my bat and then shook his head.  
Does he have a problem with my creations? I will make him have a problem with it!  
He will regret the day he first said that art was eternal!

I blew off one if his arms. Serves him right. You don't see me giving his works a dirty look.  
I still hate them, but they can be pretty useful. Especially when we run into enemies  
and I can let Sasori fight them. I'm just really lazy, that's why I never leave the base.  
I can just sit on my ass the entire day and watch movies. Did you see Thor?  
What a delicious looking man that is. Seriously, did you see those muscles?  
I mean I drooled the entire movie. Will there be a sequel, because I really need to see that one!  
He plays in other movies too? Which ones? We so need to go!

That's a weird looking bird. It has a black line surrounding it. I saw this tick commercial once  
and when you put that stuff on the animal, it got a line like that. I didn't think you would actually see it,  
but I will definitely not get it for Gayfish now. He would look ridiculous.

Did he just call me a fangirl? Who is this guy anyway and why is he standing on that weird bird?  
Yes, I know he can ask the same thing about me. Still, he's weird. And I'm not a fangirl!  
Where the hell did he get that idea from? I will have a talk with this guy.

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

And the winner is... Adamantyne! She will think about what she wants to see in a new chapter first, so I will just continue with Sai as you already noticed.

And yes, I think Chris Hemsworth is pretty hot... Do not judge me!XD


	56. Chapter 56

Dear Diary,

We finally landed with our birds and his just disappeared. It turned into something liquid  
and it vanished on some scroll. It was just a fake bird… I still think mine was prettier.  
I mean what kind of art is that. It just disappears without making any commotion.  
What's the fun in that? It should go out with a bang. I like the fact that it's fleeting,  
but the rest isn't special.

Sasori is moping about something. He doesn't want to look at the stranger and  
when I tried gaining his attention he turned away. Did he just mumble something about wanting to fly?  
He flies all the time with me. I make him all kinds of birds and still he isn't satisfied.  
He better not like the weirdo's bird better! Mine are way more beautiful,  
especially when they blow up.

I don't get this guy's outfit. Why is his belly showing? And he calls me a girl…  
I've only seen these kinds of things on girls and then those tight pants.  
It shows off way too much and frankly I don't want to see those things.  
He's also really pale. He should go to a tanning booth, but that might take too long.  
A spray-tan would be nice. It did wonders for Itachi although he won't admit it.  
You really think he had this natural glow all by himself? He was just as pale as Sasuke  
and that was just awful. Spray-tan is a way of life and this guy seems more dead than alive.

Alright, so this is weird. He just called me an ugly girl. Of course I am an ugly girl.  
I'm not even a girl, so how can I be a pretty one? He didn't understand that when I told him that.  
He asked how I couldn't be a girl. Isn't it obvious? My deep voice and my manly features.  
Sasori just laughed at me! I need to prove I'm a guy again? Why does this happen to me all the time?  
Can't they just tell that I'm a guy?

I lifted up my shirt and showed him I didn't have boobs and you know he said?  
He said I really needed a boob job! How can someone even say that to a girl?  
And even worse to a guy? It's insulting and it will be my own decision to get a boob job.  
I know I'm not that muscular, but I don't need chest implants. I can just train a little and all will be fine.  
Maybe I just don't like my body all pumped up. Did he even consider that?

Suddenly he was in front of me and started poking me down under.  
He then said in this surprised town: 'Oh, you are a guy.' What the hell!  
Didn't I already show him that I was one? What is his problem anyway?  
I don't tell him to his face that he looks dead and should find a coffin to sleep in.  
No I say that behind his back like normal people do. So rude…

And now I'm a transvestite? When did I ever pose as a girl? I'm a guy! A guy!  
Sasori laughed again! He's making me a transvestite with his stupid wedding dress!  
I hate this guy and I hate Sasori!

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

I think I'll do one more about Sai after this and if you have some ideas for it, let me know!

Also Adamantyne has chosen a chapter about Iruka, so that will be up after Sai. I will take both of them out of the poll, but you all need to vote again, otherwise I don't know who to use after Shikamaru!


	57. Chapter 57

Dear Diary,

So the guy hasn't left yet. But he insulted Sasori now too, so I'm not alone in this war anymore.  
We will destroy him together! Although it was pretty funny what he said to Sasori.  
He asked if he compensated for things by making puppets. Like you hadn't noticed  
that the boobs on his mom puppet were extremely big. And don't get me started on his dad puppet.  
He's definitely compensating with that one. Like he would ever get that muscular.  
Well, he could build a new puppet body… I never understood why he kept his sixteen year old body.  
I think the teenage years suck and I'm still going through them.

This is getting interesting. Sasori just said something back. He never says something back  
if you don't count in Itachi, but their fights don't even make sense. They just call each other names  
which also apply to themselves. They are both complete hypocrites.  
Like calling Itachi a pervert when he's one himself. It's just dumb.

Anyway, he asked the pale dude if he'd seen Twilight and when he said no,  
he responded with: well, you look a lot like the main character. He's apparently very popular,  
but I myself like the werewolf more. He's all muscular and stuff. The pale dude thought  
he was given a compliment until Sasori said that he looked just as pained as Edward  
and then asked if he needed to use the bathroom. Yes, the bathroom!  
He actually went right after that which was strange. Maybe he really looked like that  
because he needed to use the bathroom. Who would have known?

He's back from his bathroom break. He indeed looks less pained, but not less pale.  
He's still as pale as ever. They should install tanning booths in every public bathroom.  
That way you can always work on your tan and no one would be allowed to look like this guy.  
It should be a law! I will call it the don't-ever-be-pale-because-you-will-look-dead law. It's patented.

No way, he didn't just say that! He was really holding back wasn't he? He called us an old married couple,  
but then corrected himself by calling us lesbians since we don't have any balls.  
What does he know about my balls? Has he ever seen my balls? I think not,  
because I don't like it when other people see them. That's just plain weird.  
Okay, Sasori doesn't have balls or at least I think he doesn't. Why would he need them anyway?  
He's a puppet!

We were really done with this guy, so I tried blowing him up, but he went all ninja on me.  
Like flying through the air and landing on a tree and stuff. It was crazy. Then he threw a kunai at me  
which Sasori dodged for me with his weird tail. I think his venom is still mixed with the grape juice,  
because it is starting to smell. You really can't keep that out of the fridge for a long time…

We lost the dude! Okay, he was called back by a bird, but we still got rid of him.  
This was already hard enough as it is. I mean we kind of lost the war.  
We were not as good as him at insulting people. He deserves a medal or something.

I just had to pull Sasori on my bird. Apparently he hates it and would rather walk.  
I think I get it now, he's just jealous. Who wouldn't want to make something that's able to fly?  
He should just be glad he's allowed on my bird! I could let him walk you know… Wait that's what he wanted! I'm confused...

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

First of all: I do not hate Twilight. I've read the books and liked them. Don't take this the wrong way if you are a fan! And I apologize if you feel offended.

Secondly: I've been to the hairdresser and my hair is all pretty again! Oh, you didn't care? Well, me neither!

Thirdly: The next one will be the winning chapter, so stay tuned.

Lastly: I will put up a new poll when Shikamaru has entered. I've been told that some of you can't vote anymore, so I'll fix it by making a new one!


	58. Chapter 58

Dear Diary,

You have no idea who we just ran into. You remember that cute little furball  
with the whiskers on his face. We wanted to dress him up and make him marry to Gayfish.  
I think he's still pretty sad about Foxy leaving. Yes, of course it's Foxy! Wait, Naruto,  
right forgot about that again. I don't want to upset him again. But it seems he's all by himself,  
so this would be the perfect change bringing him back home. Pein would be so happy!

Apparently he's not alone. A brunette is keeping him company. Naruto is calling him Iruka sensei.  
That name seems familiar… I heard it somewhere before, but I can't remember.  
I was with Itachi and we just lost Naruto to… grey dude! Oh my, Iruka had the leading role  
in grey dude's pervy book! It must have been a diary then and grey dude wrote down  
everything he did with Iruka! This guy is really something then. I need to take Naruto away from him.  
He's an awful role model. I can't have Naruto thinking that it is normal to do such stuff.  
He needs to be saved!

I'm sitting in the tree right above them. My scope is focused on mama bear.  
I repeat I have mama bear in full sight. He won't be getting away now. I will jump down now!

Gracefully he landed on the ground and took Iruka out by one punch in the neck.  
He picked up Naruto and ran towards the lowering sun, the golden glow lighting our happy faces up.  
Okay, this is not what happened. But it would've been great if it did. No, Iruka actually greeted me happily  
until he noticed the red clouds on my cloak. He pointed at me and  
starting screaming that I was part of the Akatsuki. My ears are still ringing. Can't this guy shut up?

Now it was about time for me to take Naruto home, so I picked him up.  
Unfortunately this Iruka guy stopped me from leaving. He stepped in front of me,  
took a deep breath and started screaming weird things at me. Like how I shouldn't be  
dressing poor little Naruto up and that I shouldn't kill him. I'm not even killing him!  
Who wants to kill him anyway? I will kill the person who wants to kill my little Naruto!

So I started screaming back and somehow along the way we were both dressed in  
an oversized shirt with food stains on it and our pants had changed into sweatpants.  
Our hair was all messed up and before we knew it Naruto had gone out to play on a dangerous cliff,  
while we were still screaming at each other. We were actually yelling about how I had stolen Iruka's parking space  
and how that made him late for his appointment with the hairdresser. When I yelled an apology,  
since he really needed that appointment. I'm not sure what happened, but we were not talking  
about Naruto anymore. I did feel like a mom somehow.

In the end I got slapped with Iruka's purse and he left with Naruto who had not fallen of the cliff.  
How kids manage to that is beyond me. I will go find Sasori now and continue with the mission!

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

This was the winning chapter of Adamantyne! I hope she likes it, otherwise I apologize!

Now I have another question for you guys. Since FF is really deleting stories now and I write MA-rated things too, I want to know where I should post those or even fully go. I've put up a new poll on my profile with some sites that were already recommended, but maybe you have some other ideas. I hope you can help me out with this!

The next one will be with Shikamaru!


	59. Chapter 59

Dear Diary,

After some time looking for Sasori aka me sitting on a rock and waiting for him to find me.  
I finally found him. Yes, I actually found him, because it took him too long to find me.  
And that was strange since I was sitting in the middle of an open field. He couldn't have missed me.  
So, I got pretty pissed, because that meant he hadn't even been looking for me.  
What kind of partner does not go looking for his partner?

So I found him staring at some guy who was staring right back at him. I took one step forward  
and was jumped on by someone. It was the creepy blond girl again. Why is she here and  
what does she want from me now? I don't want her to kiss me again!

Sasori then looked away from the dude and shot me a tired look. It's not really surprising,  
because that's just his face. What he's thinking is the real mystery. He could be thinking about  
what going to the bathroom would be like. He would never tell me though. I asked him a couple of times,  
but he's so secretive. Always hiding things from me and not trusting me with things.  
I don't get why he wants to marry with me. He should be treating me differently  
if he ever wants to get close to being my man. Not that I want him as my man.

Back to the guy who he was staring at. I threw the blonde off me and stood next to Sasori.  
Suddenly the guy sat down and made a weird sign with his hands. We both tensed up and  
waited for the attack, but nothing came. We stood back up straight and then the guy did the same.  
He stretched his body and announced he had 258 different ways of defeating us in his mind.  
I raised my eyebrows at that and Sasori let out a huff. Brats annoyed him very much and  
this one was a cocky brat. He would devour him whole or something like that. I will get the popcorn!

The blond girl sat down beside me and is eating my damn popcorn! And she's braiding my hair!  
What the hell is her problem? I already have a woman I have to deal with and she is enough, thank you.  
Why do you think I'm referring to myself? Obviously I was talking about Konan. I am not a woman  
and I can deal with myself just fine! Leave me alone!

So the fight has started. The dude grabbed something from his back and threw it on the ground.  
I protected my head with my arms, but nothing exploded. Well, that was boring.  
What did he throw then? Why are they both sitting in front of a board and  
why is Sasori looking like he's thinking? What kind of fight is this anyway?

They are playing freaking Shogi! This is not fun at all. I thought he was going to beat us in a zillion different ways,  
but this brat was talking about a board game? This was going to be a hell of a boring day.  
And this chick is still braiding my damn hair!

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

This was the beginning of Shikamaru! And I threw in a little Ino too.

Don't forget to vote on my poll! Still want to know which site I should go too for my MA-rated stories...


	60. Chapter 60

Dear Diary,

So my hair is now fully braided and the ends even have beads on them.  
Whenever I turn my head, they hit me in the face and it hurts damn it!  
Why did she have to braid it like that? And why didn't she just braid her own hair?  
Hers is even longer than mine and it would be a lot easier, since she would be willingly.  
It looks al messy, because I kept moving my head away. Do you know how much it hurts  
whenever she pulled a strand of my hair?

Now I've blown up the girl and her hair is all messy now. Scrunched up at the bottom  
and it looks more black than blond. Thankfully I got rid of her,  
because Sasori isn't doing such a good job at defeating this guy. He still looks like he's bored,  
but if you hear the sounds he's making, he isn't really bored. I think he's rather angry since a brat is winning.  
Well, it's not like I can help him. I have never been good at the game.  
I mean you have all these weird pieces and some are important and some are not.  
Like I would know the difference. I blow up everyone that's close to my bomb and  
don't care who dies, as long as the one I'm focusing on dies. That's why I suck at the game.  
I'm not good at protecting things.

Sasori just put down a piece rather harsh, like that would be the winning shot.  
But then the brat started smirking and placed another piece somewhere else.  
Sasori let out an angry growl and threw the board away. He's really a bad loser  
and he has lost a few games already. But now he made the brat angry,  
because he threw his board away. How would he defeat us now?

So, I will let Sasori handle this. He has been doing such a good job at defeating the guy.  
I know I'm lying, but I don't feel like fighting. I already blew up the girl and that should be enough.  
No, don't force me to join. I really don't want to. You are not my mother!  
No, I will not help! Oh, look Sasori can't move anymore. Do you think he needs to be oiled?  
His joints should be stuck or something. Did I bring the oil or not? Let me check!

So I brought the oil to Sasori, but he still can't move. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.  
I've seriously put enough on him. He's dripping the stuff now, so this can't be what's wrong.  
Alright, I'll think about this a little more. Hey, look a moving shadow!

Sorry for not talking to you for a while, but that shadowthing made me unable to move!  
Who would have known that? Okay, Sasori got mad at me for falling for such a trick,  
but I can't help it. How would anybody know how that jutsu works? I haven't even seen it before,  
so I couldn't have won. Well, we are captured now and are being brought back to the Leafvillage.  
Let's see if we can find some juicy stuff about Itachi! You don't think they could capture us that easily right?  
I mean two brats against us, yeah right. I will keep you posted on what happens next!

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So I kind of decided to introduce Tsunade in the next chapter, because I kind of love herXD Stay tuned!

And don't forget to vote for my new poll, because if no one is helping me, then I won't put up a new poll for this one;)


	61. Chapter 61

Dear Diary,

We are still being guided towards the Leafvillage, but this is really getting annoying.  
You know how far the Leafvillage is? And we have to freaking walk there!  
Can't they get someone to bring us there? I can even make us a bird and  
just fly us over there. Flying is so much better than walking. Less tiring and it cost less energy.

Oh, look. Someone else has joined us. It's mega eyebrows' father.  
He shot me a weird smile and his teeth made a little sparkle. He creeps me out  
and I don't think he will make my way over to the Leafvillage any easier.  
He surely isn't going to carry me, right? I will scream the entire way if he does!

I just had an idea! Sasori is still dressed up and that means I can ride on top of him.  
He's hunched over as it is, so I can easily sit on him. The cloak actually makes it pretty comfortable.  
This is great. I am even taller than I usually am. I can see even more ninjas now!  
Oh, wait that isn't a good thing. We can't handle that many ninjas. I will let Sasori solve this  
and go along with his plan. That usually means I blow up some stuff  
and then we ran away in the chaos. Good plan right?

We have finally arrived, hallelujah! I would have prayed to Jashin if it had taken even longer.  
This is just so boring. Yeah, trees are pretty, but after seeing them for the last ten hours.  
Why didn't they even let us rest? Some of us need to pee you know!  
I drank liters of Sasori's grape juice. I hope they have nice toilets over there.  
They should at least keep them clean.

Hey, look a girl. She's the medical ninja and the weird blond girl is screaming something about her forehead.  
Her hair, what kind of color is that? Aaaah, it's pink! Why am I afraid of the color pink?  
I don't know, but it scares me. Sasori is mad at me for jumping on his outfit,  
but she's just so scary. It's pink! Completely pink! And her skirt matches her hair!  
Too much pink! I think I'm going to pass out.

Where the hell am I? Why can't I ask you, you've been here for a while now?  
I could look around, but then I still wouldn't know where I am. How are you so sure that I would know?

Oh, we are in the hokage room. Is that's what it's called? It's not that special.  
A desk, some chairs, Sasori, blond lady with big boobs. Wait, big boobs?  
No, gigantic boobs! What did she eat? Who am I kidding, this is a classic case of too much plastic surgery.  
I heard the hokage was old and she looks nothing like a granny.  
Yes, my information comes from Naruto, what is your point?

I told big boob that she shouldn't use so much plastic surgery and  
now she's giving me a creepy look. Do you think she's going to murder me? I'm afraid.

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Tsunade! Let me now what you think.


	62. Chapter 62

Dear Diary,

Big boob is hovering over me and her eyes are covered in shadows.  
She has this evil grin on her face, but isn't saying anything. She's freaking me out!  
What the hell is she going to do to me? Sasori isn't even helping me.  
He's just sitting there, staring into oblivion. What an ass! I need to safe myself this time.

Okay, I just woke up again and I'm not sure what happened, but I'm still in the hokage room.  
Big boob is sitting behind her desk again and just glared at me.  
Now that I look around the whole room is falling apart and some ninjas who should be watching us,  
are crying. Something terrible happened and I have a feeling that big boob has something to do with it.  
I really need to get out of here, but my head hurts and somehow my butt too.  
That could be due to the crack in the floor I'm sitting on. She attacked me!  
Maybe I should just stay here and do as she says. I don't want to be hurt again.

I now know who are keeping an eye on me. Some are more focused on the still unmoving Sasori,  
so I won't worry about them. I got grey dude watching, but he is again busy with his little book.  
Mama bear is looking over his shoulder and just slapped him in the face.  
Apparently he didn't like what was written in the little book which isn't weird since his name is mentioned an awful lot.

Another one is a girl with a very weird dress. I should probably say woman, but whatever.  
The dress is so high, you can almost see her crotch. It even goes up higher there.  
Is she trying to seduce someone or is she just a bit of a slut? They have weird people in this village.  
No wonder Itachi turned out the way he did. I would go crazy too if I lived here.  
I should tell him I understand when I get home. He will appreciate it, I'm sure of it.

I just poked Sasori which earned me a glare from big boob, but he's still not moving.  
Something is off. He's not under that weird jutsu anymore and he isn't poisoned,  
because he can't get poisoned. The wood prevents that. What else could have happened to him?  
I oiled him up already, so that can't be the problem anymore. I need to investigate this.

I didn't have time to investigate, because suddenly Sasori's real body jumped out of nowhere,  
pulled me off the ground and we flew out the window by his weird scorpion tail.  
I had to make a clay bird in midair and now we are free again. This was all such a rush,  
but we need to hurry now. They are currently right behind us and they are throwing things.  
Not sure what it is yet, but it looks scary. I will talk to you again when we are in a safer place.

Love, a fugitive Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So the one with the weird dress was Kurenai. I really find her dress weird. It's like toilet paper is wrapped around her and then at the end it was used up, so her dress stayed really short...

Ah well, any other people you would like to see coming from the leaf?


	63. Chapter 63

Dear Diary,

We are still on the run, but suddenly a tornado struck right in front of us.  
It was strange since the sky was a clear blue and it wasn't even windy out.  
This must be some strange magic trick they are playing. Oh, look a cute doggie.  
It's so small and it has fluffy ears. I will make this my new pet.  
Without Foxy it has been really lonely. And I can tease Gayfish if I bring home a dog.  
That will teach Kisame a lesson for screwing with me. He will never dare taking any pictures of me again!

The doggie isn't so willing and where did that brat come from? He has fangs?  
Is he like a vampire or something? That would be pretty cool.  
I have never met a vampire before. What would his jutsu be? Fang over fang huh?  
So he has two types of fangs and uses both of them to find his victim. Very smart move.  
I just don't get what he wants with the doggie.

He claims it's his dog, but I believe I just said it's mine. I was here first  
and he can't just take him away from me! The doggie is mine!

He's yelling stuff about the dog, calling it Akamaru and tears streaming down his eyes.  
What a cry baby. I don't even want the cute doggie anymore. People look ugly when they cry,  
especially when they are vampires. Did he really think the dog would choose me over him?  
I mean I would just force the doggie to come with me. Like I care what the dog wants.

Pink hair, pink hair! It's coming towards me and its fists are raised in the air!  
Wait, hair doesn't have fists. Oh, it's the girl with the equally pink skirt!  
Pink skirt, pink skirt… I need to get out of here!

I'm making a gorgeous clay bird. Sculpting it to perfection. Look at that beauty.  
What was I doing again? Oh, right, running! Sasori already climbed on.  
He just thinks he can use my art for himself. He didn't even ask if he could sit on it.  
He just takes what he can get. Well, he can only stay because I want to get out of here.

Hey look the doggie is turning red. How weird of him. And now he's growing bigger!  
He's a beast! We need to get our butts moving and fly back home.  
I don't want to be here anymore! Fly birdie fly!

Finally we lost them. I can only hear him barking softly, so he should be far enough behind us.  
We do need to keep moving, because the bastard can probably smell us out.  
I'm only assuming it's a bastard since he can grow really tall and that doesn't seem legit.

Hey look a grandpa. What is he doing? He's peeking at something…  
Hey look girls in swimsuits. Wait a minute! He's peeking at those girls!  
What a pervert! I will talk to him about this after commenting on the girls swimsuits,  
because they are horrible!

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So I did a bit of Kiba and a little bit of Sakura again, but I want to focus on Jiraiya in the next one. I thought that was a good idea!


	64. Chapter 64

Dear Diary,

So I went to the girls and explained why their swimsuits were ugly.  
It showed off way too much of their ugly skin. The dips in their legs,  
the fat belly and I don't care that she was pregnant, and then their butts.  
I mean come on, cover them up a bit! We don't need to see that.  
They should just wear wetsuits and be done. No one would ever have  
to watch their ugly bodies ever again. So what if they are models?  
They could be working in a fast-food restaurant for all I care.

Then I told them they were being watched by an old man and  
they forgot all about wanting to hit me. They were screaming at me for insulting them,  
but like I seriously care. I'm prettier than they are by far. I would rock those bathing suits.  
Now they are running away from the little lake and grandpa stepped out of the bushes,  
face steaming red. Weird guy he is. What do you think is up with him?

The guy is lecturing me about chasing the women away. He says it's a crime,  
because he was doing research for his book. Now he will arrest me.  
Like the sucker could arrest me, I mean seriously. Who the hell does he even think he is?

I should not have asked that. Apparently he was reading everything what I wrote down  
and now he is introducing himself. Have you ever seen an old man dance around  
in some sort of ancient rain dance? I have now and it didn't even bring rain.  
He's also talking about toads and him being their leader. Well, congratulations,  
you can tell slimy thinks what they need to do. Just be careful you don't step on them,  
because they will be flat then. Do you think he has like a pond in his yard  
where he breeds the little things? Frogspawn is funny.  
And then come those little tadpoles that swim around like crazy only to survive.  
Ah yes, the circle of life.

Oh, he's done introducing. I still don't know his name actually,  
but now that I think of it, Naruto has spoken of him sometime and  
he calls him pervy sage. So that will be my name for him too. After what I have seen,  
he is pretty pervy. Who watches women swimming in a lake?  
That's just weird and I believe dangerous.

What is Sasori doing? He's pointing to the lake and then to me. Is he saying I should swim?  
Why does he want me to swim? I am talking to someone, you know.

So I'm in the lake, swimming, sort of. More like sitting and splashing my hands on the water.  
I think I just drowned one of my hand mouths… But Sasori has just disappeared.  
Where do you think he went off to? And what is that rustling in the bushes?  
Are Sasori and the pervy sage both sitting behind the bush? I will get them right now!

As soon as I stepped out of the lake, pervy sage yelled that this was the time to get away,  
because the girl will hit. They both ran for it and left me all alone in my bikini…

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So Jiraiya's entry. I hope you guys like it.

I'm kind of losing my motivation to write this, so I'm not sure how long I will continue this... I'm actually just losing my motivation to write... I guess people just don't really like my stories or something... Ah well, hope you enjoyed.


	65. Chapter 65

Sorry for not updating yesterday, but I really didn't know what to write about. Thanks for all the support and still loving this fic. I don't think I will continue much longer with this fic, because I just don't know what to write about anymore. If you think you have a brilliant idea, tell me about it and maybe I can continue this a little longer!

And I really appreciate you guys. This whole fic is written for you and I do my best to let you all enjoy this as long as you can!

...

Dear Diary,

So after chasing Sasori for a while and eventually hitting him on the head  
(did you know the old man predicted me doing so, he's really good at this stuff),  
we finally got home. I took a nap right away, because I was so tired.  
I mean think of all the things we went through. I believe I almost died a couple of times  
and believe me, I don't want to die for a long time.

After I woke up from my beauty sleep, I noticed I was still wearing my bikini.  
I walked to whole way back in a little red strapless bikini and Sasori never said anything.  
Maybe that's why he had been ogling me the whole way. And not only him,  
but strangers too. That's why the old lady looked disgusted when I turned around!  
It is really weird I can't fill out the bikini top of course.

The bikini does look good on me though. I could be a model. I look much better than those girls  
the old man was spying on. I don't have a fat ass or anything. Did you hear that noise?  
I'm pretty sure I locked my room, so there can't be anyone in here. Ah well,  
I am hungry anyway, I'll just go and get some food.

Hidan just asked me why I'm wearing a bikini. What kind of question is that?  
You don't see me asking him why he doesn't wear a shirt under his cloak since it's pretty obvious.  
And here I thought he wasn't that stupid. Guess I was wrong. Now on with eating.  
Oh, I spilled some milk on my bikini, better wash it out.

Who are those giggling people? Hidan heard it too, but I still don't see anything.  
Wait, I see a flash of red hair and something black. It's hiding behind the bar. I'll go take a look…

Mhmm, it's only Gayfish. Don't know what he's doing here though.  
I'm pretty sure he was in Kisame's room moments ago. Well, I'm eating cereal with milk,  
so he might be after my milk. He always wants something from me,  
so it's actually not that strange. I'll just give him some.

Okay, when I bended over, someone giggled again. Do I look weird or something?  
Where is this coming from? There is something behind the chair.  
I need to do this differently this time. I will act as if I didn't notice  
and then surprise the person who's hiding behind the chair.

What the hell? I was being watched by Sasori and Itachi and Sasori was actually teaching  
Itachi the art of spying on pretty girls! I am not a pretty girl nor do I wish to be spied on.  
This is just crazy. I wish we had never met the old man. Now my stalkers are even  
bigger pervs then they already were. They actually started running when I found them,  
claiming that they would get hurt when they stayed. I can't say they were wrong though.  
I have taken my revenge. Let's just say that when they go to bed tonight,  
they will find themselves flying ten feet in the air, meaning they are plastered against the ceiling.

I will wait for the explosions to go off.

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So again if you have any ideas, tell me! Thanks guys!


	66. Chapter 66

Dear Diary,

I just got home and now we have to go on another mission.  
Pein wasn't pleased with the fact we hadn't brought Naruto back with us.  
How could we have done that while we were being chased by other ninjas?  
I hadn't even seen him in the village. I bet they kept him away from me,  
because he secretly wants to come back home with me. He loves me just  
as much as I love him. He will stay with me forever and ever.  
I just need to find a way to keep him away from Pein. I don't know  
what he wants to do with the little guy, but it can't be good.

You know what's sweet? Sasori is actually packing my stuff for me to make it up to me.  
So I just have to wait for him to finish up and then we are good to go!  
Except Itachi is here to say goodbye to me and he's giving me a strange look.  
I think I will see how Sasori is doing. He can protect me when Itachi makes his move.

I was too late. Itachi just slammed me into the wall and kissed me out of nowhere.  
And you know what he did after that? He just skipped away like nothing had happened.  
I believe he was even humming a song. What the hell is wrong with that guy?

We are on the road again. But I found out something I wasn't very pleased with.  
Let me first say that it isn't the smartest thing to let Sasori pack your stuff.  
There is nothing really useful in here. Thankfully I packed the clay already,  
so that wasn't a problem anymore. But I have no normal clothes with me,  
just bikinis and don't get me started about the food.  
He only brought lollypops and chocolate bars. How the hell  
am I going to survive with just that? Such a great partner he is…

The trees are just as boring as last time. It's just tree after tree after tree.  
They seem to get longer though and did one just move? That can't be right.  
Sasori is looking a bit odd as well. Did he get taller all of a sudden?

Okay, I am now surrounded by leaf ninjas and Sasori isn't doing anything to protect us.  
I think I can decide when it is a good time to write in my diary thank you.  
You don't have to act like you are so much smarter than me. You are not.  
You are just a diary and I have thumbs. Yes, thumbs make me smarter than you.  
That is just a fact. It's the same with monkeys.

What the hell? That isn't Sasori! It's the one with the big eyebrows.  
He was dressed as Sasori! Well, you didn't see the difference either.  
I never look at Sasori much since he creeps me out a lot.  
He could have put on some heels and got taller due to that.  
I don't know, because he hates it that I'm taller than him maybe?  
I don't know what goes on in that wooden head.

I'm being captured. They are taking you away from me! No, don't take my

**Property of Konohagakure  
Lady Hokage, Tsunade**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Thank you all for the ideas and support! I can think of a few more chapters now. After an idea by Death by manga I will let some leaf ninjas write in the diary, starting with Tsunade since she's the hokage. If you have some characters who you want to see, tell me. I myself want Kakashi, Sai, Sakura, Jiraiya, Neji, Shikamaru and in the end Naruto.

Wishstone500 came with the idea to let Gayfish make an entry of the marriage between him and Naruto and I liked that idea as well. Somewhere after all that I will make it end, but not entirely sure how yet. I'd like to get this thing to a 100 chapters, so if you have more ideas tell me! And I think I will do another winners round for the 300th reviewer!

Now as a last question: MikaUchiha came with the idea of doing a lemon with Deidara and his two stalkers. Since this is T-rated I can't put it in of course, but the idea itself made me laugh, so if others think hell yes you should do that, let me know. Remember that will be crack too, because they are very OOC still;)

I think I've written too much down here... Another thanks to all of you! Love you all for the support!


	67. Chapter 67

****This is more of an introduction, so it's not really funny I think. I hope you'll still enjoy and this will be the new lay-out for the leaf entries, most of them actually... You will see what I mean;)

...**  
**

**First check: Tsunade**

I've found some very interesting things. This seems to be some sort of information gatherer  
for things one of the Akatsuki members has encountered. It seems to be the blond one,  
Deidara is his name. He has been quite a hand full. He's been yelling about blowing stuff up  
and that doesn't seem strange since he blows a lot of stuff up. I believe he isn't a very friendly person  
and a bit of a girl. No, I know he isn't a girl. He has gone through a physical already.  
That was very painful too, for the ones doing the physical I mean. That guy can be scary.

Wait, did you just talk to me? What are you? A diary? Okay, interesting,  
so this guy writes things in you about his daily life. I should find some secrets about the Akatsuki then.  
Why are you laughing at that? You mean he doesn't have a clue about what's going on?  
He considers Naruto his pet… Okay, so he isn't the brightest of the bunch.  
I seriously won't find anything interesting in you? I will see for myself.

Flesh eating baby plants! What kind of person is this? So he likes to dress up in women's clothes.  
He's kind of a drag queen then and he claims to be straight. Well, if this guy is straight,  
I have a small chest. We all know that's not true and even this guy commented on it.  
I don't really like the nickname though, so I will punish him for that.  
He will notice just what this hokage can do to his little ass.

So Sasuke is still with Orochimaru and he couldn't defeat his brother again.  
Even when his brother was dressed up in a fur thing. Maybe he should just stay with Orochimaru,  
then he might actually become strong, because this is just sad. But I also must admit  
that Itachi himself is pretty sad, going after Deidara as much as he does.  
We now have his weakness in our hands and we can defeat him easily.  
What do you mean I shouldn't be taking him lightly? Sasori is also here  
and he is after the blonde just as much as Itachi? Okay, that could be a problem…

I still think you can be very useful to our investigation. I might not have found very interesting stuff,  
but we have other ninjas who are better with this. I need a strategist  
and maybe someone who won't be lead by his emotions. I will pass you on  
to different people and we'll see what comes out.

Now I would like to thank you for your cooperation and enjoy your stay in the village.  
Do you need anything while you are here? I'll make sure the ninjas will be good company  
and won't say mean things to you. You have been abused enough by Deidara as it is.  
He even tried to blow you up I read. That interested me since you still exist.  
How did you survive the attack? You can't be destroyed? I see this as a challenge  
and I accept! You just wait! We have some very strong ninjas here.  
Do not roll your none existing eyes at me!

**Survey done: Tsunade**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

I know have two readers who are interested in the lemon. I need a few more before I do it, because I think it will take some time to write it. Let me know what you think of the idea!

And you may still ask for other entries. Sasuke has been mentioned and I'll try to find a way to let him write in it too! And don't forget the 300th reviewer may help me write another chapter!


	68. Chapter 68

**Second check: Shikamaru Nara**

For what I've seen so far there is not really a hidden message in these entries.  
It seems to be just an ordinary diary. But that would be a far too easy thought  
when we are considering that they are in fact Akatsuki members.  
I have met the blonde one before and he may not seem the smartest one,  
it could be all an act. He might be the very brain behind this all and in this diary is actually the plan.

Tsunade said you would be responding to me. It's funny how you can write things back to me.  
It just says lol, but I know what that means. I am very smart you know.  
That is why I'm doing this check and not someone else. I will find the answers.  
I do not trust you, just so you know. You are working together with the Akatsuki  
and that means you are probably lying. In fact you just let me know that Deidara  
is in fact the brain behind the whole Akatsuki. Thank you for that hint.

So they are after Naruto and this Gayfish must be the one to capture him.  
That is what marriage means. And Naruto is supposed to be the girl and called Foxy.  
Foxy refers to the nine tailed fox and the girl thing, that must be…  
He will carry something inside of him, like mothers! He will have a baby  
and that will bring out the nine tailed fox! Wait, guys can't have babies…  
Well, I think I had a pretty good idea about how Deidara's mind works.

He refers to a different kind of babies, so I still think there is something about giving birth to something.  
Plant babies is something different. Maybe they want to take over the world  
by creating huge plant things which get's his powers out of Naruto. Another no?

Okay, what about… uh… The dressing up thing! He wants to disguise himself as a girl  
and just walk into our village and take Naruto from us! He's already in the village,  
good point. So he's up to something right now? And he has taken Sasori with him,  
one of his so called stalkers. They must be his right hand. Itachi is probably lurking around somewhere.  
We need to double our defenses.

You know what I kind of just realized, this guy is really girly. He talks about dressing up  
and he uses make-up. His long blond hair is also a big clue and what about him not being attracted to girls.  
He's not saying he likes guys, but he's just still in the closet. A place he likes to hide btw.  
I guess you are right diary, he really isn't the mastermind. Or I just failed.  
I will send this thing to someone else and let them have a look at it. Maybe they can find something else.

**Survey done: Shikamaru Nara**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Already three people interested in the lemon, more?

And still 39 reviews to go until number 300! XD


	69. Chapter 69

**Third check: Sakura Haruno**

Lady Tsunade asked me to take a look at this diary since I'm her apprentice.  
I need to know the same things as she does and she said you are nice company.  
Now I need to find out the same thing. Yes, I also need to look for clues,  
but it seemed that wasn't the most important thing. Otherwise Lady Tsunade  
wouldn't have explicitly said that you are a nice diary. Also very cooperative I heard.  
Alright, I will take a look at the rest of the diary.

Hey, look, something about Ino. Yeah, she's totally annoying. Stupid Ino pig.  
I can't believe she fell for a gay guy just because he has the same hairstyle.  
That's just weird.

There is also something about Sasuke! Maybe I can find you how to get him back again.  
I still can't believe he just left me like that. After I showed him all of my love.  
Didn't he see how much I loved him? I'm sorry my tears stain your papers,  
you don't have to get all mad at me. I'm just really sad about this all.  
So what I'm in love with some emo kid? Ino is in love with a gay guy  
and that is much worse. Yeah, you're right, he's more like a girl. Ino is gay herself.

So Sasuke is still with Orochimaru. Why is Orochimaru hovering over him like that?  
They are just training right? I don't need to safe my little Sassy right away, right?  
Is he in danger? This can't be happening. I need to find him as soon as possible!  
He's at the pink river of joy. I knew he missed me! He just couldn't stay away from the color pink.  
Sasuke, don't worry. You'll be in my arms soon, my love.

I just found something very interesting about Deidara. He is afraid of the color pink.  
He's afraid of me! I can torture him and maybe get some information out of him.  
He should know more about the whole organization. The Akatsuki need him for a good reason,  
so there must be something valuable about him. Can you tell me what he's good at?  
Blowing stuff up… That's not really a talent right? I shouldn't tell him that?  
Why not? He thinks it's art! And he just enjoys blowing stuff up. Yes, I can see that.  
He already blew up one of the cells, but we confiscated his clay. He's pretty helpless now.

You know he commented on my pink skirt as well and how it doesn't match my hair?  
I mean what does he really know about fashion? He's a guy and guys don't understand anything about fashion.  
He dresses up in female's clothes all the time and it looks better on him?  
How do you know? Yeah, that's pretty convincing. How did you get those pictures anyway?  
Borrowed them from Sasori. He has a thing for Deidara I've noticed. They are pretty cute together.  
I think I will use that to get some information out of the blonde. He's scared off me  
and doesn't want Sasori as his lover. This could really work out for me. Wish me luck!

Oh, and someone else will take another look at you. Lady Tsunade was right, you really are nice.  
I don't care you don't think that was my job, because it was! Goodbye!

**Survey done: Sakura Haruno**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

The lemon will be written! I've seen many others wanting it already. I'm not sure how I will write it though, because it's still going to be crack:P I'm probably going to tie Deidara up, because he doesn't want it(or at least denies it) XD

32 reviews to go before we reach number 300. I can't believe the next one will already be number 70... It's going so fast:P


	70. Chapter 70

****Sorry for the lateness of this one! Hope you'll still enjoy!

...**  
**

**Fourth check: Kakashi Hatake**

You know I usually only read books, not write them. Although I had done a request once.  
I made Jiraiya write a story for me and then I gave it as a present to someone.  
It hadn't really worked out the way I had planned, but I still got the guy in the end!  
Wonder where he is now… Maybe I just want to read my book and act like I did this check.  
I will just use a good excuse. I do need a new one, because they aren't buying my old one anymore.  
Do you know one I could use?

I got stuck in a well and it took me days to get out! No, that would be too much.  
I might use that one when I need some time off. You know, when I want to spend some time with Iruka.  
He would love that I'm sure. Do you have another one?

Tell the truth? Are you insane? You know where the truth let me once?  
Outside of Iruka's apartment and I could just sleep on the street. How should I have known  
he didn't like it when I taped over his favorite show? So I decided to tell him the truth.  
I told him that I wanted to see my own show and that I was sure he would like it too.  
He didn't apparently. I thought he would like to watch the shows I watch at home.  
He always asks what kind of books I read, so I thought he would be interested  
in the shows that have the same genre. It's the only thing I watch.

Now on with the new excuse. That is an excellent one! I will use that one in front  
of Sakura and no one will ever get mad at me again for being late.  
I lost track of time as I was looking at these cute little kittens. I should keep a picture  
of kittens in my wallet to show who I'm talking about. This will definitely work.  
Everyone falls for cute little kittens.

I should do some work now, right? Okay, I will look something up. Oh, yes I remember this.  
Making that doll was easy and I can't believe they fell for it. Every genin should see the difference between  
a doll and a ninja. I expected more from Itachi, but I believe he's infatuated with the blonde boy.  
Ah yes, I know when I felt that way about Iruka. Now I'm just happy he's mine!  
I must say that Deidara guy really wasn't the smartest of the bunch. Maybe all the blowing up stuff affected his brain.  
It ruins the ears for starters, so maybe that went into his head and ruined everything inside too.  
I think that is a good explanation for Deidara's stupidity.

Okay, on with the rest. Oh, look, Iruka met them too. He was saving our little boy from the great evil.  
Naruto is such a sweet kid, but he really needs to a tough hand sometimes. He can be so stubborn  
and never listens to us. Iruka hates how strict he has to be with the little boy sometimes.  
I must say it's impressive he didn't fell down the cliff right here. Usually he does fall  
and then giggles about it or blames me.

Well, I believe I'm done with this check. I have found nothing suspicious.  
Well, I don't care about your opinion, so stop talking about it. I think my check was very good  
and that's that. Don't use that tone with me young lady! Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were a guy.

**Survey done: Kakashi Hatake**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto


	71. Chapter 71

For the ones who don't immediately know who this is, it's Iruka! Yay for Iruka^^

...

Konohamaru: two detentions. One for not paying attention to my lecture  
and one for throwing a spitball at me.

His grades have been rising a bit, but only when he spends some time with older ninjas.  
Although he's not learning a lot from Naruto. I really wished I could raise Naruto better than this.  
He is such a bad example.

I just found out this isn't my notebook. Kakashi left his stuff lying around again.  
He really can't clean up after himself! Such an annoying perverted man.  
I should really get a new boyfriend. Wait, I didn't want a boyfriend in the first place!  
How did my life got so messed up?

What kind of book is this anyway, because I am just blurting out stuff now  
and I'm not sure who would even read this. You are a diary and you talk back…  
I'm not sure what just happened, but a responding diary is something I have never heard of before.  
Is it some kind of jutsu? You are just cool like that… Okay, not really helping at all.  
You remind me of all the annoying kids from my class, but I love them anyway,  
so you should be okay too.

Who do you belong to actually? Deidara, right, I met that guy. He is a weird guy  
and I think he should be in my class too, because he surely has to learn a lot still.  
But can I really blame him. He was hanging out with Naruto and it's pretty difficult to stay sane then.  
Deidara wasn't sane to begin with? Okay, well, then that explains a lot.  
Naruto was kind of attached to the other blonde. They would probably really get along then.

I actually have a question for you. Naruto was talking about getting married to someone.  
Do you have any idea who that person might be, because he has never mentioned a girlfriend before?  
Deidara thought he was a girl! And called him Foxy, why Foxy? Because he looked foxy?  
That can't be right. Oh, you don't really know. Yeah, Deidara really has some strange ideas,  
so who would really know why?

But I still don't know who Naruto is going to marry! Okay, so Deidara thought Naruto was his pet.  
Continue please, because I really need to know. Why are you talking about Kisame getting a cat?  
I don't care about that cat. Naruto is going to marry the cat… What the hell is going on here!  
He can't marry a cat. It's a boy too and he's called Gayfish! Who would call his cat Gayfish?  
Deidara made up the name, okay don't even explain. No, okay do explain, I want to know.

Yes, I like fish sticks. Yes, I like putting them in my mouth. Where would they go then?  
Why the hell am I a gayfish now? It's a joke, well I don't get it! Who is Kanye West?  
I'm so confused right now. Maybe I shouldn't have made you explain the name.  
This surely will give me a headache.

I should now get back to the report on Konohamaru. I need to prepare his new sensei for his behavior.  
I don't want him to blame me for all the things that little guy does. I just hope it's someone who can handle him.  
I will pray to whatever god is out there. Jashin? Who is Jashin? Okay,  
I will pray to Jashin that Konohamaru's new sensei will be able to handle him.

Well, Kakashi will bring you to someone else sooner or later. Probably later  
and he will use a good excuse. He just showed me a picture of kittens this afternoon. Weird guy.

Have a great life weird jutsu diary, Iruka

Characters Masashi Kishimoto

And did we enjoy Soutpark's little joke? This is how someone would respond to it for the ones who don't know the joke. It's not really funny, but it was funny how they portrait Kanye West in that episode...

And the lemon was mentioned again, but I will write it a little later on. I might spoil something for the end, so I think I will write it when it's almost finished;)

And thanks for the reviews guys! I didn't receive the emails until now... FF is doing something, but what it is, I don't know...


	72. Chapter 72

**Fifth check: Kiba Inuzuka**

I knew I could convince lady Tsunade into giving me this diary!  
I'm the best guy for the job! I can sniff out all of his secrets and  
Akamaru is here to assist me. Now let's start with smelling the papers.  
I can smell a lot of different things. Clay, something woody and uhmm cats…  
Oh no, not cats. No Akamaru, let go! Bad dog! Don't rip it apart!  
Lady Tsunade is going to kill me!

Okay, I got the book back. Wait, why is this thing still intact?  
Shouldn't it be falling apart and be covered in drool? It seems to be doing just fine.  
Alright, Kiba, you did it again! Who's the top dog around here? I am!  
See, I am a lot better than Naruto. I bet he couldn't get a thing of information out of this book.  
I already know what it smells like!

What do you mean they already know where those smells originate from?  
And how can you write back? Your owner Deidara blows things up with clay,  
his partner Sasori is a wooden puppet and they keep a cat in the base.  
Okay, that explains the smells, but how did the others know already?  
Even Iruka found out about the cat! This sucks. I think I should be able to beat my former sensei.  
That's how it works, right? You train to defeat your sensei in the end.  
I need to find out something that the others didn't know yet!

Did they know you can't be destroyed? Oh, they did. This is depressing.  
What about Sasori and Itachi crushing on him? That too huh. Okay,  
what about Deidara dressing up a lot like a girl? They even assume he's gay although he denies it?  
That does make a lot of sense. I wish I had found that out! I need something else!

Okay, what about the other members. They are mentioned in the book too  
and they even wrote in it. Do they have anything on them yet?  
They didn't ask anything about them? That's good. I will find out some secrets!

We know that Sasori and Itachi are fighting over Deidara, so that is their weakness.  
Konan likes to dress Deidara up and use him as her gay friend. He dislikes this.  
Kakuzu doesn't like it when he gets blown up. Hidan has videotapes with something terrifying on it.  
Pein eats brains, but not Deidara's. He dislikes his, but loves his hair.  
Zetsu is in love with a plant, but she died together with his babies.  
Tobi has a split personality. Yeah, I find out so many things!  
Lady Tsunade is going to be so proud of me! Maybe I can finally become a chunin now!

I need to show this to someone! I gotta go! Just stay right here okay!  
Hinata will stay here and wait with you. I didn't even realize she was here though.  
When did she get in? Did she see me go all crazy about the diary?  
That would be embarrassing. Ah well, it's only Hinata anyway.

**Survey done: Kiba Inuzuka**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto


	73. Chapter 73

I hope this is easier to read and less annoying than it was to writeXD Good luck with reading this and imagine Hinata's sweet voice, because that is how I imagined it when I wrote this!

...

**Sixth check: Hinata Hyuuga**

I think K-Kiba-kun has forgotten a-about his little b-book.  
M-maybe I should re-return it to lady Tsunade. W-what's this book a-anyway?  
He-he seems to be very glad about it. He's was still smi-smiling when he l-left.  
W-what do you think he-he put in here?

Y-you c-can t-talk b-b-back! I have ne-never spoken to a b-book before.  
H-how d-does someone t-talk to you? Y-you don't know wh-who created you?  
M-maybe you were made f-for a special rea-reason. M-maybe s-someone is d-desperately looking for you.  
Y-you don't think s-so? I-I think you are v-very special  
and s-someone must be l-looking for you. I-I'll take a-a look in this d-diary.  
I-I hadn't re-realized it w-was a d-diary.

O-o m-my. W-what a s-strange g-guy. I-I mean, w-who does this k-kind of things.  
A-and the th-things he's b-been through. I-I feel s-sorry for him. T-two g-guys s-stalking him  
and th-throwing themselves at h-him. S-somehow he's a l-lucky guy as w-well.  
I-I wish N-Naruto-kun w-would throw hi-himself at me. I-I th-think I'm going to f-faint.

S-sorry f-for leaving y-you. Th-this happens a-all the time. B-but I-I'm working h-hard on it.  
I-I only f-faint when I t-talk about a c-certain someone.  
D-don't m-mention his name, o-okay? I-I s-stutter b-because I'm shy.  
E-even my h-hands c-can't stop sh-shaking. That's w-why I even st-stutter on p-paper.

B-but let's t-talk about D-Deidara-kun again. The o-other members o-of  
the Ak-Akatsuki seem very str-strange too. O-one had a l-lot of bl-bleeping in his d-diary.  
I-I didn't understand why. H-he got m-mad at you for it t-too.  
T-they aren't r-really con-considered of your f-feeling, huh?  
M-maybe that's w-why you aren't that nice m-most of the t-time.  
I-I would b-be insulted as w-well. N-not that I w-would do something ab-about it.  
I-I'm too scared for that. I-I would never s-stand up against m-my father.

D-Deidara-kun was nice t-to his new p-pet. F-Foxy was her n-name.  
T-two animals g-getting m-married is k-kind of strange though.  
A-and the dr-dressing up p-part sh-should be l-left to D-Deidara himself.  
W-why i-is the c-cat called G-Gayfish? I-isn't that k-kind of s-sad.  
Y-you can't c-call a c-cat a fish. M-maybe he w-would think that he c-can eat himself o-or something.

T-this is k-kind of s-sad. D-Deidara-kun just l-lost F-foxy over a s-stupid reason.  
T-that was not very nice of I-Itachi-kun. H-he did n-not love F-Foxy the wr-wrong way.  
W-wait s-something happened. I-I should have s-seen it c-coming. It's N-Naruto-kun.  
F-Foxy isn't even a g-girl. I-I don't understand w-why D-Deidara-kun thought N-Naruto-kun was an a-animal.  
H-he can a-act like an a-animal though. N-Naruto-kun as an a-animal…  
I-I think I'm g-going to f-faint again.

S-sorry, h-he just d-does that to me. He's j-just so… I-I can't even s-say it.  
W-when h-he was training w-with S-Sasuke-kun, all I-I could do was w-watch  
and g-grab s-some t-tissues. W-watching h-him is one of m-my h-hobbies.

Y-you think I-I'm sweet? Th-thank you d-diary. I-I would very m-much appreciate it  
if y-you gave me a hint t-to solve this c-case. W-what k-kind of information do y-you have for me?  
I-if they t-take S-Sasori-kun away fr-from him, then h-he will p-panic?  
Th-that's v-very good, th-thank you. I-I will l-let lady Ts-Tsunade know.

B-bye d-diary, it w-was v-very nice t-talking to you.

**Survey done: Hinata Hyuuga**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Don't know who will be in the next one, so it might take a day extra again! I hope you enjoyed Hinata's sweet and slightly dirty mind and if you have a request for the next one, let me know!

And thank you all for still following this fic. Love you guys!


	74. Chapter 74

An entry by Neji and I hope I did it the way Adamantyne liked it! Also Sasuke will be later since he needs a proper introduction. He's not in the village, so it would be weird if he had a check of course;) Enjoy!

...**  
**

**Seventh check: Neji Hyuuga**

Some my cousin Hinata came to me with this little notebook.  
She told me it was actually a diary from one of the criminals we have captured.  
Everyone was trying to find new information in this diary and I thought why not give it a try.  
I am still a genius of course and far smarter than most genins and chunins my age.  
Not as smart as Shikamaru, but he's too lazy to really do something with it.  
Let's see what I can find in here.

I just found out I actually met the criminal and my team got in a fight with them.  
It was such a sad day. I just wanted to enjoy a lovely lunch, when the criminal walked in.  
I only noticed how fair his hair was and thought he would have something in common.  
I like talking about my hair. How it flows in the air and the way it lures people in.  
They all want to touch it and I can't blame them. I would want to touch it if it wasn't my hair.

Enough talk about my hair, now let's focus on the rest of the diary.  
He thought I was attractive huh? So he's gay at least, but they probably already found out.  
They must also have found out he likes dressing up, but have they thought about using it against him?  
What if I would wear something he would like, like a short red dress with high black heels?  
He would want to dress up in the outfit to proof he looks better in it than me.  
Like he would ever, I would rock that dress, but he has a very big ego.  
He thinks he's very handsome and wants to let the world know.

Or maybe you should get some ugly people to guard him and  
he would want to do something about it. We should get Lee and Gai sensei up there.  
They definitely need a make-over with their bushy eyebrows and their weird outfit.  
He could definitely do something about that and I actually hope he would do something about that.  
Let's go with this plan!

I think I did a fair job at that. I came up with two great plans and  
that's how we can force some information out of the criminal himself.  
I'm so good in this all. No one else would have come up with this. I really am a genius.

Mhmm, Hinata told me you could talk back. I thought she was lying since she is a bit delusional sometimes.  
She's always fainting and dreaming stuff at those moments. Mostly about Naruto,  
but a talking diary wouldn't be weird. What she sees in that dumb boy, I wouldn't know.  
He wouldn't be good for our family name, but I won't stop the girl. That's her father's problem.

I remind you of someone? What do you mean by that? You think I'm like the criminal!  
In what way may I ask? Because I have a big ego and like dressing up?  
I don't like dressing up, I'm just saying it looks good on me and my ego isn't big,  
I'm just better than everyone else. That's not my ego, that's just a fact.

You know what, I am too good to be writing in this little diary and  
share my knowledge with you. A bit you a good day.

**Survey done: Neji Hyuuga**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Yeah, I made Neji a bit of an arrogant bastard, but I really do love him as a character... Don't hate me because of itXD

For the next one I thought about doing Might Gai and use his eternal youth quotes(is that even right?) And I wanted to remind you that the 300th reviewer still gets a shot at writing a Dear Diary with me!


	75. Chapter 75

Sorry for the long wait, but here is Gai's entry! I looked up his quotes and his catchphrase is "overflowing youth" and he says a lot with hard work, so I used that a bit. At some point it gets annoying and that was the point;)

And read this in Gai's weird motivating/challenging voice! That's how I wrote it;) Enjoy!

...

**Eighth check: Might Gai**

So I am only the eighth person who got his hands on this diary. I will not let the village down!  
They can count on Might Gai to solve this puzzle! I do wonder who came before me in this diary.  
Why was I chosen as number eight and not sooner? Of course lady Tsunade would be number one,  
she is the hokage. The second one is Shikamaru which makes sense since he's very smart.  
He would have gotten a lot of information out of the diary I presume. After that Sakura  
and again it's logical. Students are there to learn. There youth sees different things then their sensei's minds.  
Now let's take a look at number four. No, it cannot be! Kakashi, my eternal rival! He has beaten me yet again.  
Now I have to help 1000 old ladies cross the road and after that, babysit 2000 children until midnight so there parents can go out!

I can't believe Kakashi has beaten me this sneakily. I wasn't even aware of the competition  
and still he came in before me. I have to plan out our next challenge so I can get even again.  
I cannot lose this time! I can only beat him by finding more information in this diary then he has!  
I need to read his entry and see what he has found out!

No, this can't be true. The diary helped him in finding excuses. How did Kakashi work his magic on this diary?  
How can he be so special? No, he will not beat me at this one. I will get more help from the diary then him!  
Come on diary, talk to me!

Wait, Gai that is not how we approach a shy diary. I have to be a good example for Lee. To lure out a shy type,  
I must gain his trust! I will use one of my motivational speeches!

To get information from someone you need to work hard for it. Hard work is the only way to get what you want.  
To accomplish something you have to work hard for it, because hard work is the most important thing in life!  
Now, diary, you still have many years to come. I can see the youth in you. It's so much that it's almost bursting out of you.  
You have a overflowing youth!

Haha! My strategy worked! The diary has spoken to me! He said that my smile was creepy  
and asked why my teeth blinked so much. I think this is quite the accomplishment!  
Oh, he isn't done talking yet. I've got him talking now! He says that he understands  
why Neji wants to change my outfit and my hair. Wait, Neji wrote in this dairy also?  
He had a shot before me? My own student has beaten me in this game? I can't believe it.  
My students are becoming so strong already. They grow up so fast.

Tears are not unmanly. It actually shows how manly you are. I am not afraid to show others my weak side  
and that makes me strong! You cannot bring me down, diary! I have overflowing youth!

Wait, no Kakashi. I'm not done yet. Don't take the diary from me! I need more time! Noooo!

**Survey done: Might Gai**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So did we like Gai? I think he was fun and weird to write. Not sure if I portrait everything right, but I did my best^^

Now I'll be away for the entire weekend, so a new chapter will probably be out on monday. Don't know how I should write though, so if you have any ideas. Maybe Sai?

And still 14 reviews to go before number 300! I would like to get it before the 25th, because I'll be going on a vacation then and it would be good if I get it out before that time;) So please review, because you will make this little girl very happy!

Hope you enjoyed and until next time;)


	76. Chapter 76

Okay, I know he didn't have a name before Shippuden, but I didn't know how I was supposed to call him then... I hope you'll still enjoy this and his talk about balls...XD

...

**Ninth check: Sai**

For this check I must read all of the previous entries. It is important that I know off  
everything the others have written in it and of course also the entries of the criminal himself.  
In order to get more information out of the Akatsuki member, I need to know more about him.  
This is a difficult task I need to accomplish.

It seems I have met Deidara before. I think I remember him now. I thought he was a female at first,  
but it wouldn't surprise me if he really didn't have any balls. The way he acts is too girly for a real man.  
But the dress he likes to wear would cover up his balls enough of course.  
I need to consider these things. He might have balls.

Shikamaru had some good ideas, but I can't see how Deidara would be able to be the leader of the whole Akatsuki.  
He doesn't seem smart enough to pull it off. The things he does to his teammates  
and I can't imagine them being a cover-up for other plans. He got really mad at the others for writing in this diary,  
so that means he doesn't like it when others read his stuff either. Or maybe he just dislikes it when others come up with ideas.  
He doesn't want others to meddle with his plans. Maybe Shikamaru was on to something.  
This guy does have balls and he hides them pretty good.

Itachi must be Deidara's right hand since he checked everything Deidara had planned afterwards.  
He analyzed it and gave his opinion on it. Also the showering together must mean they had a secret meeting  
and the butt touching refers to Itachi giving his own input. Deidara wasn´t sure what to do with it, but let it slide.

The two personalities of Tobi show that these are in fact two persons. They must be lookalikes  
or twins so they can pose as each other. They are the sneaky ones of the organization  
and the ones we have to watch the most. They are very dangerous.

Zetsu is the one recruiting new members. Deidara introduced him to a woman  
with the name Coffee table Flowers and she gives him names of new members he could use.  
He trains them and makes sure that they are ready to work for the Akatsuki.  
I must say that Deidara is sort of a genius.

It's obvious Kakuzu is the one who gets money for the organization, but fails every time.  
Deidara punishes him a lot, so he might be thrown out very soon. Hidan is his partner though,  
so maybe he'll be thrown out too. His message was even more interesting though.  
Every word that held information was bleeped out so no one would know what secrets have been really told.  
Hidan is the one who can't talk in this secret language, so we should try and capture him.

My respect has certainly grown for the blonde female looking guy. He is the master of disguises  
and we should really keep an eye out for him. He must not escape, but maybe we can learn new things from him.  
I shall inform lord Danzo and see what he has to say about this.

Deidara is a dangerous criminal and can't escape. He has a danger to the entire nation.

**Survey done: Sai**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So this was Sai! Was he fun? I think it was fun to talk about all the stuff that happened in the first couple of chapters... It feels like it happened such a long time ago already...

As for the next few chapters most of you gave me a lot of good names again! Lolzyukari thanks for Jiraiya, because I had forgotten about him! Jaggermania, well you know how many names you have given me x.x Under here I'll say which ones will have a chance to write:

Jiraiya, Chouji, Konohamaru since he thinks he's royalty, sort of, Yamato, because I secretly love him as a character, maybe Izumo and Kotetsu together, but not sure yet, Gaara and maybe Temari too, Orochimaru will steal the diary and get an entrance for Sasuke after that, then Naruto who will get the diary back for Deidara! I'll maybe add more people though... So if you still have ideas I might be able to work with, tell me!

Now I still need 6 more reviews before a winner will be elected again! Do you already have ideas for what you want to put in here? You better go on and review than before others take the place!


	77. Chapter 77

****So Deidara is the criminal mind behind the whole organization. You didn't know that right? Yeah, me neither...

Now a big thanks to DeidaraLittleMonster who made the, uhmm, image thing for this story! I forgot what it's called-.-

And a guest without a name reviewed, giving me the name Tayuya. Because this is set between Naruto and Shippuden it would mean she's already dead, so my first thought is no. That's why I would like some more explanation to it! What do you have in mind and what would you want her to say? Send me a pm or review this one, so you can tell me! Thank you^^

Oh and I almost forgot, the first one to review this chapter will be the winner! Number 300! The same happened with number 200... It's almost as if you are afraid to win... Now on with the chapter!

...**  
**

**Tenth check: Jiraiya, the toad sage!**

It is an honor for you to meet me, diary of Deidara. I will be the one to take you down with my super knowledge!  
Oh, look at those ladies. They are the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Those bodies, those faces and those…  
Melons! Diary, you have no idea how lucky you can be when you are close beings like them.  
The best place to meet them is in a bathhouse. You can always find little holes in the wood where you can spy through.  
But stay hidden, because the ladies will get mad and you would need to run.  
I don't think a diary can run, so you better just stay hidden.

But your master Deidara. I had the pleasure to meet him once. I thought he was a pretty girl at first.  
I mean look at his… Melon. It's perfectly shaped. He missed the other… Melon, but I can live with that when the other is so perfect.  
I could certainly understand why his partner wanted to spy on him. That little red bikini was very cute  
and it matched perfectly with his partner's red hair.

Mhmm, one of the ANBU thought he was a danger to the world. He had some great points there actually,  
but what did this whole meeting with his partner mean then. Why would his partner want to spy on him?  
And what did that little cute bikini mean?

Wait, he says that Itachi is his right hand! But Sasori is his partner and the constant fighting between  
the two of them proves it! Sasori wants to show Itachi that he is just as good as the Uchiha.  
The wedding dress must be an idea of Sasori and he's forcing it on Deidara. His master actually likes the idea,  
but doesn't think it's complete! That's why Sasori needs Konan's help, because she can actually form the plan from the idea.  
A good role for a woman.

But why would Sasori learn Itachi my tricks of spying and why wouldn't they really help him when he gets captured?  
Are they trying to take over the thrown? Is Deidara being thrown out of the Akatsuki? This is major.  
I think Deidara is actually in danger. Maybe he knew all along, but maybe he thought someone else would actually get to him.

This genius knew someone was after him! He knew he would be thrown out soon and thought Pein would be the first to do it.  
That was what he said with the brain eating thing, but it wasn't Pein. He found that out soon enough.  
He arranged a meeting with everyone and they all held pictures with how they liked their boss the best.  
The answers were all too cruel and the worst one was Kisame, but he wasn't afraid of the actual threats.  
The one who said the nicest things were the dangerous ones. He knows Itachi and Sasori are after him  
and that is why he's been using them so much. He's been keeping them close.

I have so much respect for the little blonde. I hope he will make it out alive, because he deserves it!  
Come on Deidara, you can to this!

Oh, look girls! Gotta go to the steam bath…

**Survey done: Jiraiya, the toad sage!**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Deidara is even smarter than we all thought! It's actually fun seeing all those scenes in a different light nowXD And Angelic Visage, was this good continuing the paranoia?

Names: Chouji, Konohamaru, Yamato, Izumo and Kotetsu, Gaara,(Temari), Orochimaru, Sasuke, Naruto! Maybe Rock Lee, would that be fun or too much like Might Gai?

Don't forget to review! Number 300 baby. I don't bite! Well, maybe a little...


	78. Chapter 78

Sorry that this is out a little late. I tried writing it yesterday, but I really didn't know what to write about... I think it turned out alrigh now^^

...**  
**

**Eleventh check: Chouji Akimichi**

Mhmm, this dairy smells sweet. Makes me hungry. I should go out for some cake and some barbeque pork,  
because you can't eat cake without eating barbeque pork as the main course.  
But how much barbeque pork should I eat before the cake. There needs to be some room for the cake,  
but I don't want to eat too little of it. This needs some planning. First I'll do the check of the diary,  
otherwise Shikamaru would be very disappointed in me.

So they went to a hot spring. I like the hot spring. The always serve delicious food there.  
They also went out to dinner, but the bastard drank too much to even taste any of it!  
How can he do that to the delicious food? It's a disgrace! He should be locked up for it.  
Oh, wait, he's already locked up so that worked out perfectly. The best part about staying at a hot spring  
is the little chocolate you find on your pillow in the evening. It's like they're wishing you a good night rest.

Itachi was wearing a fur suit thing. Where do you think it came from? Would he have gotten it from a boar?  
It would be a weird outfit, but the food he got out of it would be great. Think of all the things he could have made out of it.  
More barbeque pork, maybe with some ramen, that would make Naruto very happy.  
Mhmm, this diary is really mouth watering. Let's see what else I can find in here.

What kind of food do you think they have at the base? Would they have like everyone's favorite food?  
Maybe I should join them. I could have all the food that I would want and they have to pay for it.  
But I would have to do evil things and that's not good. Such a hard decision.  
I should ask this Deidara about how everything works in the Akatsuki.

I have a good idea. If I get Itachi and Sasori to like me, then they would take me out to dinner.  
I would just date them both. I mean who would pass on a free dinner?  
It's just crazy that Deidara doesn't go out with them. It would make everything so much easier.  
I mean, why choose in the first place? And if you date them both, you get presents  
and presents mean chocolates. Think of all the things you get to eat when dating both guys!  
Deidara is really missing out.

Oh, I smudged the page with some of my barbeque chips. Hey, you can talk back?  
Wait, what did you just call me? HUMAN BULLIT!

Mhmm, you don't have a scratch on you. How did that happen? You are a very extraordinary diary.  
You can get smudged by food, but an attack wouldn't even hurt you! It's just a plain miracle.  
You are very interesting and not very nice. I am not fat, I'm just big boned you know.  
I mean what would you know of it anyway? It's not like you have bones, but you can still get fat.  
Look at how the pages are making you fatter and fatter! Just wait, you will be heavier than me.

Now I gotta go get some food. All this talking about eating made me hungry.

**Survey done: Chouji Akimichi**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

As for the winning review which came from Darkness Angel 21, that chapter will be out in the beginning of next week and will be the last one for a while. No, I'm not stopping with it, just going on a vacation;) The chapter will be a little longer and coming from Deidara again. It will just be a filler chapter and will have nothing to do with the rest of the "story". I do think it will turn out really great^^

Thanks for the other reviews, I really appreciate them! Even the guest reviews and because I can't respond with a private message, I'm glad you like it and I will put in the Lee entry later on!

Names: Rock Lee, Konohamaru, Yamato, Izumo and Kotetsu, Gaara,(Temari), Orochimaru, Sasuke, Naruto!


	79. Chapter 79

The winning chapter, ideas coming from Darkness Angel 21!

So this is very different and not really a diary:P But the diary is mentioned here and there... It's a game show and Deidara is the narrator, so read it like that;)

...

Welcome to Who will be Deidara's next girlfriend? It's great having you all here on this lovely day and I hope you are all just as excited as me. Who will be the win the game this time? Who will become Deidara's new girlfriend? Let's meet the contestants.

On the right we have Itachi Uchiha. He comes from the famous Uchiha family and was also the one who murdered them all. Now don't go all hating on him. He has some good sides too. Things he likes. Well folks this is interesting, he likes going to go to cafés. So he's a drunk. Very interesting side of him. He also likes dango and other sweet stuff. Aw, isn't he a sweet guy?

On to our other contestant. On the left we have Sasori Akasuna. He comes from the sand village and appears as a sixteen year old boy. He isn't that young though, he's actually in his forties. Pedophile much? His hobby is creating puppets. A hobby he has since he was a little young boy and I think it has to do something with his parents being dead. He acts like the mother of his puppets, dresses them up and stuff. This is a broken boy who needs some love.

Both of these guys will fight for me, Deidara. They will be asked a few questions about my life and whoever answers the most right, will win and will be my girlfriend. The loser won't go home with nothing of course. They go home with the feeling of being dumped by me. Now isn't that great, folks? Yeah, I think that is pretty much just an honor. Who wouldn't want to be dumped by me?

Now of course there is also a catch. If you answer the questions right, you get points, but when you answer the questions wrong, you'll be in for a treat. There are certain things I don't like and they will be confronted with those things. Some things will be terrifying, some things just gross. You can get lucky, but it can also go very wrong. I think we all know that it going wrong is probably the best way we can go.

Diary, do you have anything to say to the audience or the contestants? I believe they can be my girlfriend and if they didn't want to be, then they shouldn't have come. I did not tie them to their chairs. It's a lie. They are here completely voluntarily. As is the audience. Otherwise they would have just hit backspace and they haven't yet. They still like my show.

I think it's time for the first question. If you think you know the answer, then press the red button and the one who's the fastest gets to answer the question. May I have complete silence? Thank you. Dim the lights, please.

Question one: What is the color of my toothbrush… I use for my left handmouth?

Itachi you were the first one to press the button. What is your answer? Blue? Sorry, that is the wrong answer. Sasori, do you want to give it a try? Yellow? That's just crazy talk. The correct answer was blue with yellow stripes. You were both so close, but not quite there. Now it's time for the punishment. There is this thing I am absolutely afraid of, the dentist. They seriously shouldn't get close to my mouth, because I will freak the hell out. Now I've asked two dentists to come and give you both your check up. Take a seat in the dentist's chair and we will get right back to you.

Sasori, how are your teeth doing? He couldn't help you with the woodworm? That's a shame. Now Itachi, I can see you've been butchered by him. It seems he filled all your holes *wink*. I do not see how that is a wrong thing to say. A dentist fills holes and that is exactly what happened to Itachi. It does not refer to anything else at all. Back to the questions.

Question two: As you all know, I like to dress up. What is my favorite thing to wear?

Sasori, you were first this time. What is your answer? Uh, I hate to break it to you, but I hate that wedding dress and I hope it will burn in hell. Itachi, what is your answer? Konan's leather skirt, that is actually a close one, but this was a trick question. I mostly like to wear nothing at all. Being naked is the best feeling in the world. Now I've had a traumatic experience a while back and it involved two naked people as well. I have actually brought one of them over. Hidan, get up on the stage!

Hidan, we've known each other for a while now. Who do you think is the most compatible? I should just screw them both and be done with it? Interesting thought and I will keep that in mind. Now can you lead them to the back and show them the videotape? Thank you Hidan, give him a round of applause, folks.

They've just come back after seeing the tape and they both seem a bit mortified. I've just been informed that it was a different tape then the one I've seen and even freakier. I don't even want to know what's going through their heads right now. We'll just give them a moment before continuing with question three.

They've rested enough. Question three: What is my favorite thing to do?

Tight call, but Itachi was a little faster. I blame the sharingan. Now what do you think it is? Blowing stuff up? Very close, but not close enough. Sasori? Blowing Kakuzu up? I must say that is very funny to do, but no. My favorite thing to do is blowing people up out of revenge, so you both have just been warned.

I had warned you, sorry Sasori, I didn't want to turn your hair just as black as Itachi's. You both aren't really trying, are you? Well, this is the last try. I have only one more question and if no one answers this one right, you both have lost. There won't be a second round and you really didn't give the people what they deserved. So try hard!

Question four: There is only one thing I truly love, what is that?

Itachi, you were first again. What do I truly love? My handmouths, that sounds creepy, but no, I don't love them the most. Sasori, what do you think? Okay, so you think I love explosions. I think we've been through this enough. Art is fleeting and explosions are therefore art. How can I love something that will leave me so soon? You truly don't understand anything about me. The right answer was Foxy! I love him to death and you both forgot that. You aren't even worthy of dating me.

Now for the last punishment! Foxy, get out here. Yes, as you can see Foxy is behaving like a real fox right now and a giant one at that. Now Foxy go get them!

Thank you for watching and stay tuned for the next episode as I go looking for a new girlfriend again.

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Now I'll be gone for a while, going on a vacation, so this will be the last one in a while! Sorry, but I'll be back in about two weeks and then I'll be gone again for a week...

Names: Rock Lee, Konohamaru, Yamato, Izumo and Kotetsu, Gaara,(Temari), Orochimaru, Sasuke, Naruto!

Now lovely readers, I will miss you and I'll write a chapter as soon as possible! See you all later!


	80. Chapter 80

****Oh guys, it has been such a long time! I'm not going to do a long intro, because I know you just want to get to reading! So I'm just going to say that I've missed you guys! All of you!

****...

**Twelfth check: Konohamaru Sarutobi**

Here is the real person who is going to get to the bottom of this! I am the grandson of the third hokage  
and I will be the sixth hokage myself! I am so much better than Granny Tsunade.  
They all just underestimate me, but I can beat her with no problem! I have been training hard  
and long and my sexy jutsu is almost perfect. Tsunade's breasts are no match for mine!  
The whole world will tremble under my feet. Since these breasts are so heavy, you know.  
Every time I take a step, a little earthquake happens…

Of course I've also been working on other attacks, but they are not as good as my sexy jutsu!  
I have far exceeded Naruto on this part. First I will beat him and then I will beat Granny Tsunade.  
Konoha will wish I was their hokage! Soon my face will be up on that rock! Wait!  
Two faces will be up on that rock! My own and my sexy jutsu's face! It will be magnificent.

Moegi is bothering me that I should actually write something down. Like I need a whole page  
with the answer to what this diary has to offer. I need only one sentence and then this mystery is solved!  
All the others are just losers and have no idea what they are talking about. I do!

Well, I've read all of the others entries and I have no idea what they are talking about.  
They actually think this Deidara guy is a genius? Like there is a meaning behind everything he says?  
I think this guy is just the ultimate prankster. I mean blowing up people! I wish I would have thought of that.  
Stealing someone's porn and giving it someone else? Just the best thing I have heard!  
Too bad it got him into trouble though, but that is the hard life of a prankster.

He's just a bit gay though. I mean come one, he talks about clothes and how ugly they are.  
He's a complete stereotype! He has all the quirks a stereotype gay has. I should visit this Deidara  
and see what he looks like in real life. Let's see if he also looks gay…

But I can only be jealous of him. He has guys falling at his feet. Girls hate me because of my pranks,  
but like me because I am the grandson of the third hokage. I wish the girls would like be because of my pranks too.  
I would be the most popular guy in the world! Maybe I should ask this Deidara how it really works…

Did you hear that? Oh, no. Granny Tsunade is coming! We stole the diary from Chouji when he wasn't looking.  
That fatty never pays attention when he's eating barbeque pork.

Was that a boulder running through the door? Ah, oh. It's Chouji and he looks pissed. Run, diary, run!

**So little Konohamaru had the diary. Indeed pranksters get into trouble and he will be punished severely. **

**Survey done: Konohamaru Sarutobi**

**Not taken in account by: Lady Tsunade**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So I wanted to do Konohamaru first and I wanted to make the contrast that Konohamaru actually got Deidara, but didn't get taken in account since he's just the little guy he is^^

Names: Rock Lee, Yamato, Izumo and Kotetsu, Gaara,(Temari), Orochimaru, Sasuke, Naruto!

And now if you are still reading, I have some requests for you. Firstly could you maybe take a look at my poll on my profile and vote on the story idea you like most? It would really help me and there is another crack fic idea there, but maybe a bit cliché... If you want to hear another idea I had, let me no in a review!

And another request is, if you read M-rated stories, pure smut, yaoi. Check out the story I did together with Mettlei. It's on here page and we would love for you to read and review!

And of course I would love to hear how you liked this chapter;)

Big hug, Dana


	81. Chapter 81

****Another chapter for Dear Diary! This time Rock Lee and I hope you notice his weird little quircks in here. I did my best!

...**  
**

**Thirteenth check: Rock Lee**

It is an honor to be chosen as one of the ninja's who can take a look in the diary.  
I never had thought that I, Rock Lee, could help solve this case, but I will do my best  
and show everyone that I can help. Gai sensei will be proud of me and  
otherwise I have to run a 1000 laps around Konoha. This case shall be solved by me!  
For I am Konoha's beautiful green beast! Now let's see who else wrote in this thing already.

Ah, Sakura, the most beautiful flower in the whole world. How her green eyes sparkle in joy…  
I wish she would go out with me, but I won't give up! Just you wait, Naruto. Sakura will be mine!  
I will buy her a beautiful seashell necklace and then she will fall for me! And if she doesn't,  
then I will do 2000 pushups on the edge of a building!

Oh, look. Neji has also written in it already. That genius really thinks he can do everything,  
doesn't he! Just you wait, Neji. I will beat you in this! You will not be the genius this time,  
I will make sure that doesn't happen! This is a challenge he needs to accept and I will win.  
And if I lose, then I will run 3000 times up and down the stairs with two bags of grocery  
and an old lady blocking my path all the time!

Even Gai sensei has written in it and Kakashi as well, his eternal rival. I wish I had a rival like that!  
I would train myself to the fullest, so I wouldn't get beaten ever.  
But of course my rival would do the same thing. This is something I need to think about.  
Who would even be my real rival? There is no one I can think about  
since I don't have just one person I want to fight. There is Neji and Naruto,  
don't forget about Gaara and of course Sasuke. So many options…

Mhmm, Naruto is mentioned in it as well. Maybe I can find some weak points  
and point them out to Sakura. I'm sure she will not go out with him anymore then.  
Oh, and Sasuke is in here too. That would be very interesting to tell Sakura.  
Orochimaru was the snake guy, right? What would Sakura think of  
Sasuke when she knows they have a certain special bond? Not that I understand the bond.  
This Deidara guy doesn't make a lot of sense you know, but he was creeped out by Orochimaru.  
I think that says enough.

Ha! And Naruto got the nickname Foxy! What does that even mean? He doesn't appear very foxy to me,  
but what do I know really? It is very funny though and I believe Sakura would find it funny as well.

I'm not a weirdo and my eyebrows are very normal. Wait, who said that? You diary?  
And you think I'm a weirdo? That is not very nice. But wait, I have found out that you can talk!  
I need to tell Gai sensei!

**Survey done: Rock Lee**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Names: Yamato, Izumo and Kotetsu, Gaara,(Temari), Orochimaru, Sasuke, Naruto!

I see some of you liked the Facebook idea, or at least I think it were some of you x.x I might adjust it to a dating site with profiles, something like that. What do you think of that?

And Mettlei and I did more stories together. All on her profile since ff threw one of mine... Check out Forest adventures and Pleasurable measures!

Dana


	82. Chapter 82

****So I used the name Tenzo instead of Yamato since he got the name Yamato after he became the new leader of team Kakashi. In ANBU they normally don't have names, but he had this name when he was working with Kakashi. Made the most sense to meXD The beginning is a bit boring, but I wanted to capture a bit of his personality there and after that comes his obsession with wood. I must say really helps meXD

Enjoy!**  
**...

**Fourteenth check: Tenzo**

Because I am part of the ANBU and I have served under the guidance of Kakashi Hatake,  
I've been appointed to take a look in this diary. I have briefed myself and  
I know enough about what others might think of this diary. Secrets that might be hidden under the surface.  
Some secrets seem about right, but some are just a bit strange.  
Diaries are known for keeping secrets since everything gets written in it.  
I don't see how this diary could actually be a code book for the other Akatsuki members though  
and Deidara doesn't seem smart enough to actually lead the rogue ninjas.

You need to be able to lead. Everybody does this a different way of course. I like to use fear.  
There is a certain scary look I like to use. I call it my fear face. I'll show you,  
because I have heard you can respond. Yes, that was pretty scary huh?  
It's something that works on certain team members and it will make them listen to you.  
Your former owner isn't so smart, right? No, that's what I mean.  
If he doesn't have a way to control his team, then he can't be the team leader!

What do you mean he has a different way? He makes them fall for him and then uses that fact.  
I must say that is a genius way. And the others actually do everything he asks then?  
He has to go out with them. Well, a small sacrifice I would call that. Maybe I'm wrong.  
If he uses that, he can be the leader of the Akatsuki!

I believe lady Tsunade is calling me again. It can be so annoying sometimes,  
but it's not something I can say to the hokage. She only wants me to make her a new desk,  
because she threw out the last one. She doesn't even appreciate the effort that goes into making those things.  
Do you have any idea how much time goes into even creating the idea?  
I need to know what shape it should be and what kind of print it should have.  
I do my research for this, but is it appreciated? Nooo. She just throws it out of the office every time she's angry.  
My work should be treated better!

You know I'm just tired of being used. It's always Tenzo, go build a new bridge,  
Tenzo, my house collapsed, can you make me a new one, Tenzo, I'm sleeping  
and attacking you while doing so, and I hope you can defend yourself against my fire attack!  
I have other things to do you know? Sometimes I just want to relax and  
read something about architecture. Not that I ever get the change.  
Every time I open the magazine, Kakashi jumps in and needs a new coffee table.  
Why? Because he's doing stuff with Iruka that I don't want to know about.

It seems I really need to fix Tsunade's desk again. Izumo and Kotetsu came to get me.  
Apparently the desk fell on Izumo's head again. She really needs to look out where she throws the thing.  
Maybe she should just consider other people's feelings more! Like I'm going to say that to her.  
I'm such a failure… Bye diary…

**Survey done: Tenzo**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Names: Izumo and Kotetsu, Gaara,(Temari), Orochimaru, Sasuke, Naruto!

I was warned with the Facebook story that it might get deleted, because of copying an existing idea. I can still just do it and see what happens, but I can still change the idea to the dating page thing. I will start it when Dear Diary is finished, but I wanted to know what you guys prefer?

xDana


	83. Chapter 83

This is a very random chapter. It's just weird and I think that makes it funny. I'm not even going to explain anythingXD

_Izumo_

Kotetsu

...

**Fifteenth check: Izumo Kamizuki and Kotetsu Hagane**

_So it is now finally our turn! We will solve this mystery! Right Kotetsu?_

Yeah, yeah whatever. I just hope Lady Tsunade keeps her desk in her room this time. I've never seen Tenzo so depressed, man.

_I know, but there isn't really anything we can do about that. We should be talking about something else right now. We have to focus on the diary and oh, look at that beautiful flower. I have to go check it out. _

Forgive Izumo. Tsunade just threw out her desk again and it landed on his head. I actually think he has a minor concussion or something, but he should be alright later on. It's not like it has never happened before. Except he's now nibbling on my shoe, that is very new. He said he was okay, so it should be fine.

_So I heard this diary can talk back. Is that true? Can you actually talk? That's not talking, that's just writing back! I think we've been fooled Kotetsu!_

As I said, concussion. But it's nice to hear from you diary. Yes, Izumo is quite handsome. How do you mean I just gave myself away?

_He means that you think I'm handsome means that you like me. Look a puppy!_

You know usually Izumo is the voice of reason here, but today I think I have to be. No, I did not say I like him, I just think he's handsome.

_You don't like me?!_

Damn it, yes of course I like you Izumo. You are my best friend in the whole world!

_Just your friend? That's not what you said last night on Tsunade's desk! Oh, Izumo you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. Oh, Izumo I wish this moment would never end. I mean yawn! Am I right?_

Izumo, that was supposed to be a secret! Do you have any idea what Tsunade will do when she finds out what we did to her desk and don't forget about Tenzo! We will be killed! Damn it, I really need to take him to the infirmary. This concussion is getting out of hand.

_Kotetsu is just way too worried about all this. Tsunade won't be mad, she will just give us the desk as a present. She will throw it at us, but that doesn't mean she's mad. I mean she wasn't mad at me today and I still got the desk on my head. She just wants us to have it. She's actually a very nice woman with like really big boobs. Have you seen those things, diary? They are huge!_

Yes, he just did showed how big they were with his hands. We are so screwed when this diary gets back to her.

_Now, Kotetsu, I really think you shouldn't stress. Remember how relaxed you were last night, wasn't that a lot better? I think so as well. So shall we go back to that state of mind right now?_

I can't do that in front of the diary!

_Oh, come on. You weren't so shy yesterday and I really want to do it!_

Fine, just grab the pencils then…

_Yaaay! Now we can finally finish this drawing!_

Isn't he cute with his tongue sticking out like that…

**Survey done: Izumo Kamizuki and Kotetsu Hagane**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Names: Gaara,(Temari), Orochimaru, Sasuke, Naruto!

And if you like the talk about all sorts of things, come check out the Teacorner! A forum made by Mettlei and I: forum/TeaCorner/118121/


	84. Chapter 84

****Sorry it took me a while! I've been really busy with my internship and stuff and just too tired to actually write a lot x.x I hope you'll like Gaara!

****...

**Sixteenth check: Lord Kazekage, Gaara**

Tsunade asked me to have a look in this diary. After I received word of the leaf capturing two Akatsuki members,  
I had to come. I found out here that I actually already met the two and I'm not sure I'm so pleased with meeting them again.  
When I got in I first wanted to see my good friend Naruto, but he was planning something.  
Mumbling to himself about how he missed the attention. My friend has gone even crazier than he already was.  
Then they brought me to the cells where they keep the two Akatsuki members. The blond one,  
I believe the owner of this diary, yelled at me for being ugly without eyebrows and that I should release him right now.

I think me being eyebrowless should be explained a little more. So we all know my back story.  
How I hated people and murdered them a lot. I was an angry kid and I regret that now.  
But I made another mistake back then. I found out I looked much scarier without eyebrows,  
so I decided to get them off with a laser. The first few days I thought I looked cool,  
but then it started to bother me. I couldn't even show any emotions anymore.  
Unfortunately they never grew back. It's something I have to live with forever.

I did try using the eyebrow pencil that Deidara gave me a while back. Temari laughed at me.  
She said I looked like an idiot with those bushy eyebrows. I just wanted to make sure you couldn't miss the fact that I had eyebrows,  
so I used Rock Lee as an example. I didn't know that he looks ridiculous. No one ever told me that.

Did you hear those screams? I believe someone is screaming my name. I just looked out of the window and  
these weird girls are down below screaming my name with these big signs stating that they love me.  
Are they referring to my tattoo? This is just insulting. It has a very important meaning to me and  
they should not mock that. Oh, so they are just fangirls and they think they love me.  
Nice to have you talking back finally. They told me you could do that, but it took you some time, didn't it.

I just yelled back at the screaming girls. I yelled and I love you random citizen.  
They fainted right there. It was funny to see.

Maybe I should actually read something in this diary. I still don't see how Sasori and I are alike.  
We don't have the same red colored hair and I have green eyes while he has brown eyes.  
And of course he has eyebrows and I don't… And I also don't look like Deidara.  
They really can't see the difference between good genes and black eyeliner?

I have to say it's sad how much Deidara cares about his appearance. Your good looks won't make you a good ninja.  
No one ever called me a hottie when I was younger and I believe I've killed enough people to prove you don't have to be good looking.

Now if you excuse me, I need to test this new eyebrow pencil Temari got me.  
She said she would even help me putting it on this time, so I would know how to do it.  
You can tell me if it looks good afterwards.

**Survey done: Lord Kazekage, Gaara**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Names: Temari, Orochimaru, Sasuke, Naruto!

So I decided to put Temari in. I'll make her a little whiny probably... We'll see what I come up with in the end:P I hope you enjoyed and let me know what you think!


	85. Chapter 85

**Important message**: I made an RP for Dear Diary! Check it out and come join me there: forum/Dear-Diary-RP/118980/

And Temari uses the diary as a real diary;)

...

**Seventeenth check: Temari**

So I had a rather boring day today. Of course Gaara made me came with him to Konoha  
and now I had to spend time with Shikamaru again. Why is that when I'm here,  
I'm always stuck with that guy? Is this some kind of trick or something?  
Next time I will definitely tell Gaara them I am not coming with him to the leaf!  
He has gotten really nice since he fought Naruto all those years ago.

You know what Gaara made me do today? I read his entry and he said I promised him to help,  
but that is not the truth. He actually ordered me to help him with his eyebrows!  
If he had wanted eyebrows in the first place, he shouldn't have lasered them off when he was younger.  
This is just such BS. I don't want to do this anymore. Yeah, I'm not entirely done with creating his eyebrows.  
He's in the bathroom checking if he likes the ones I drew on him. I have already given him 7 different eyebrows  
and every time he comes out he looks angrier.

Now that Gaara is in the bathroom I thought I could write in this diary.  
He was grumbling something about it when he came in. A diary is always nice to write in,  
so I thought why not give it a shot. Don't know what I need to check though.  
Maybe I should check out Shikamaru's entry. That really didn't make sense.  
That is not how you write in a diary. You need to write down what you think,  
not judge other people's entries. That's not very nice. Who does this diary belong to anyway  
and why is this person giving it to other people?

Oh, it belongs to Deidara. Yes, I did meet him a while back. He was the one who slipped Gaara the eyebrow pencil.  
That really ruined a lot. I remember Gaara staring at the pencil and not really knowing what to do with it.  
Of course I needed to tell him what it was and then I said just give it to me.  
But he refused that and then suddenly he had locked himself in the bathroom for hours.  
Kankuro said he had seen him going in with a picture of Rock Lee. It freaked us out at first,  
but we would not judge him for the people he liked. Until he came out with big drawn on brown eyebrows.  
I really didn't know where to look anymore. Kankuro and I rolled over the floor laughing  
and then we got sprayed with sand. He was gone before we could apologize. It was rather sad actually…  
But you should've seen the eyebrows he had on his face! They even reached his tattoo on his forehead! So funny!

But I think this is kind of his revenge for laughing at him. I know he wants really nice eyebrows  
and he brought many examples. I just don't get why he wants eyebrows in the first place.  
He is still Kazekage and he needs to look fierce. Without eyebrows he looks a lot tougher in my opinion.

Oh, he's coming back again and he looks really not pleased with these eyebrows.  
How should I know that he didn't want Sakura's pink eyebrows? It's not like he has many demands.

**Survey done: Temari**

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Names: Orochimaru, Sasuke, Naruto!


	86. Chapter 86

Sorry it took me so long! Been busy with well personal stuff... I hope this chapter is good! Diary has left Konoha and is currently with Orochimaru!

...

Hello Diary,

It was quite the challenge getting you here. I had to sneak into Konoha first,  
trying to stay unnoticed. Which was pretty difficult by the way.  
Who would've known that taking Kabuto under my wing would be so much trouble?  
Always asking people why they are looking at me and giving them glares.  
I don't think I've ever gave him the impression that I was into him.  
He knows I only like the younger boys.

Anyway as I was saying, I sneaked into Konoha and went in search for you.  
I wanted to learn all the secrets of the Akatsuki.  
So I had to find out where you were in the first place! I tried the Hokage office,  
but couldn't fine you there. Tried the examination room  
and had to kill some people, but you weren't there either!  
And then I found you in a cheap motel, lying on the table in the living room.  
I must say they didn't have Gaara the best room there was.  
And there were so many red stained napkins on the floor.  
Someone or died or tried out a new eyebrow pencil.

So I just grabbed you from the table and took you home with me.  
How do you like the place so far? Kind of creepy right? With the dark walls  
and the lanterns and of course being underground doesn't help. Great place, great place.

Now I would like you to meet some people since you are going to stay with us for a while.  
First of all this is Suigetsu. I like keeping him in this fish tank  
and make him swim around naked. He's 15 by the way.  
And this here is Juugo. You should see his muscles when he gets mad.  
Unfortunately he's already 17. This here is Karin. I have no idea why I have a girl on the team.  
Why is she here anyway? I should ask Kabuto about this.

And now someone you have already met, but I want to do this more properly.  
He is my favorite one. Also 15 years old, kind of an angry emo guy  
and has such a lovely thin body. Just something you want to devour you know?  
He's just incredibly sex.. uhhh… strong. He's very strong and perfect for me to claim his body as mine.

So I've given you some information about my life. May I take a look in yours?  
What do you mean there's nothing interesting about the Akatsuki in you?  
I saw the blonde always making notes in it. He's pretty strong… to you know.  
Just a little old. I mean 18 is not something I can take home with me.  
He's not even a minor anymore! But he wasn't taking notes,  
he was just writing dumb things in you? Well, that's just great.  
I really hoped for something more than that.

Well, if I can't use you, then I'll just throw you out. That was a waste of time.  
Who would've known that Deidara was so dumb?  
He seems so smart when he looks at you with that sweet young-looking face.  
To the dumpster with you then!

Wait, how old are you actually? 5 years old huh… Maybe I'll keep you for a little while.

Orochimaru

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Names: Sasuke, Suigetsu, Naruto!

Added Suigetsu to the list!

Let me know what you think. Missed you all!


	87. Chapter 87

So the 400th review went by a bit unnoticed... ColonelPony won this one, so her idea will be up next. Just wanted to warn you all! Maybe I'll write Suigetsu's entry first, so it follows the story a bit more.

This is Sasuke. He seems a bit childish, but some of his actions are a bit childish if you ask me... And I of course made him oblivious to Orochimaru's perverseness... Hope you enjoy!

And also check out the new book cover! Done by DeidaraLittleMonster again and this time with other characters on it as well! I love it^^

...

Sasuke's to do list:

Revenge on Itachi  
Revive the clan  
Get woman to revive the clan with  
Make an appointment with hairdresser to shorten duckbutt  
Kill Orochimaru  
Destroy the leaf  
Write Naruto a love letter so he knows how I truly feel  
Destroy love letter before it gets send out  
Find out where this little book came from – check

So I found this book in Orochimaru's chamber when I was trying to kill him, but he wasn't there.  
I think he's avoiding me, because he fears my power! No, I don't only go to his room when he's not there.  
I have a whole plan figured out! Well, I just go into his room and Chidori the bastard! What do you mean that's not a plan?  
What do you even know about death? Oh, right, sorry. Trees do die a lot… How can you even talk back by the way and what are you?

You are a diary that belongs to that weird blond guy that's in love with my brother? Such a weird couple.  
Of course Itachi would do anything to make sure the clan doesn't get revived!  
Maybe that's why Naruto looks more appealing with the day. Itachi is making sure I like him!  
That way I won't ever get babies. Such an evil bastard! I need to kill him!

No, I pretty much hate Karin and I don't want her to have my babies. Sakura is definitely out of the question.  
Red eyes and pink hair are a big no no. Ino? Oh no. Terrible idea. She would read my mind and  
find out I hate her and then annoy me with her yelling. Too much trouble if you ask me. Temari?  
Who the hell is that anyway? Gaara's sister? He has a sister? That's why he always wears make-up…  
She's making him… And why he doesn't have eyebrows. She plugs them too often.  
See, women just suck and I don't want one in my life! Yeah, I know you need one to revive a clan,  
but maybe I can do it a different way! I should just ask Orochimaru about this. He does a lot of weird experiments!  
I just have to kidnap Naruto and make him carry my baby! Red eyes would look great on him and  
maybe he would stop whining about me leaving then. He can be so annoying…

But can you give me a clue on how to murder Itachi? I know he's madly in love with your idiot owner,  
but I definitely need to know more! Can I use Deidara against him? Kidnap him and make him carry my baby maybe?  
That would devastate Itachi and he will cry himself to death! Oh, right… I definitely don't want a drama queen as my wife.  
Scratch that plan. What if I just kill Deidara then? You are sure he will return as a ghost just so he can annoy people further?  
God, he would haunt me forever… Maybe I'll just not use Deidara then. I'll just Chidori Itachi's ass! It is a damn plan! Shut up!

Oh, I hear Orochimaru calling me. Something about taking a bath with Suigetsu? Well, a hot bath is always nice I guess.  
And Orochimaru does such a good job in getting you completely clean. Really, he should start like a salon or something.  
And I like the fact that he doesn't allow Karin in the bath tub. Girls should not be allowed in the bathroom at all!  
I have to go now. Orochimaru always insists on us stripping outside the bathroom, so he can give our body a checkup. So nice of him…

Farewell, Diary

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Names: Suigetsu, Naruto

Let me know what you think of this one! We'll get closer to review number 500 and this time maybe with a fair shot;)


	88. Chapter 88

Suigetsu's entry! I think it got a little cruel at the end, but Suigetsu is a bit like that I think... I hope you like his entry^^

...

Dear Diary thingy,

I never had a diary before, so I'm not sure how this really works. I found it when Sasuke was going through his striptease for Orochimaru.  
I never really got why Sasuke did that for the snake. Or he really isn't that smart or he is just really into Orochimaru or something.  
Ah well, at least the snake isn't bothering me with his pervyness. I can just get in the hot tub unnoticed and enjoy the hot water.  
Sasuke is the only one being watched as far as I know.

Actually I have no idea what is no interesting about Sasuke. I mean almost everyone has the hots for him.  
Orochimaru obviously. Did you see the tongue slide over his lips just now? I mean it just laps out and  
licks his chin or something. Why does the guy have such a long tongue? It's just disturbing.  
My fifteen year old brain tells me you can do a lot of other stuff with a tongue like that and  
frankly I don't want to think about those things. Then there is this stupid redheaded girl named Karin.  
I seriously hate her and her stupid obsession. The rumor that redheads don't have a soul,  
well it's definitely true for her! Her screeching voice is the worst of all and then the pout of her lips whenever she sees Sasuke.  
Just puke worthy of you ask me.

I don't want to think about Sasuke anymore, or his stupid followers. He has like a fan club in this place.  
They call themselves Sasuke's fangirls. Yeah, not very inspirational or anything, but what do you expect?  
They are all Juugo rip-offs and Juugo isn't even smart. I don't get why Orochimaru wants a million of him anyway.  
Creepy dude wants too many male people around.

Let's talk about something else now. Did you know I love swords? I seriously love them and  
then in particular the swords of the seven swordsmen of the mist. They are all just so genius.  
The first one I need to have of them is Zabuza's sword. Its name is Executioner's Blade and  
the best part is that it heals itself with the iron out of human's blood. I think that is pretty genius and  
it gives me an excuse to kill more people which is always nice. I just love how a sword would slice easily through a human body,  
cutting him open and letting blood pour out. It's just so invigorating.

I am not creepy! It is very normal for a guy to love killing people. What do you mean I don't even look like a guy?  
Every swordsman has pointy teeth! I do not look like a freaking piranha! I might be as vicious as a piranha,  
but I certainly am not one! Just because Kisame looks like a freaking half shark half human thing,  
doesn't mean every swordsman is some kind of fish. Is my skin blue? No, it is not. You are a very disturbing diary…

I will cut you open! Don't you dare say another word to me! Remember how I like seeing stuff bleed?  
I also like carving things in paper. Good, you stopped talking…

Much freaking love, Suigetsu

PS: I saw that... Just because you can't be destroyed, doesn't mean you can't be tortured.

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

The next one will be Naruto and then I will do ColonelPony's winning chapter since that one is with Deidara again!

Review please:3


	89. Chapter 89

Sorry it's been so long. This is Naruto's entry!

...

Good morning diary,

It's good that I stumbled upon you. Deidara has been crying over your loss for a while already  
and when he found out you weren't in the village anymore, he flipped. Yeah,  
Yamato needed to built some new houses after that, but it's okay.  
Deidara left right after he blew up the Hokage's residence. Or Sasori more like pulled him away from the village  
since they needed to go back home or something. I don't like that redhead much.  
He tried bribing me to come with him with candy. Like I am that easy to persuade.  
At least Deidara gave me some ramen.

Because I didn't want to come with them in the end I decided to find Deidara's diary  
since he has been so good to me. He really is a good master and treats me well.  
Maybe I should stay with him anyway. In Konoha I have to pay for my own ramen…  
Who does that to a hard working ninja? They should be giving it to me for free!  
Because I'm also broke and I need to pay my rent soon. Being Foxy isn't so bad after all.  
I'm not sure about the whole marrying Gayfish though. He's not really my type.

You met Sasuke! How's he doing? Is he coming back to the village already? He was writing me a love letter?  
Why? Oh, he destroyed it already. Yeah, I sometimes do that as well. It's fun writing love letters.  
You know what's even more fun? Intercepting the letters Deidara receives and read those.  
It's so funny to see how Sasori and Itachi are trying to win Deidara's love. The letters are more like insults.  
I liked a quote from one of Itachi's. 'I love how dumb you are, because it emphasizes your bright blond hair.'  
That just cracks me up, because it's true.

Sometimes I wonder when Deidara will get married. He likes one of the two guys,  
but won't tell me which one. I think he just likes the attention he's getting and  
doesn't want to trade that for just one guy that gives him attention. He is such a girl sometimes.  
Maybe that's why he's such a good master as well. When he brushes my hair he does it with care.  
Unlike Sakura who just rips the hair right out of my head. I rather be bald than let her do it again.  
I mean have you ever been around Sakura at those times? She claims she's taking care of you,  
but in the mean time she can't stop blabbing about how shiny black Sasuke's hair is. Like I haven't noticed that.

I really crave some ramen right now, but I need to get this diary back to Deidara first.  
Maybe I can get some ramen there if he lets me in. He's probably way too happy to be seeing you again.  
Did you miss him as well? Yeah, it was sad to be away from him for such a long time, right?  
Especially with creepy people writing in you all the time. At least you were used to Deidara's weird blabbing.  
And I'm glad Deidara actually loves me, because I love him to.

Take care diary and I will see you around, Foxy a.k.a. Naruto

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So I hope you all enjoyed it a bit. Since I don't think much of you are really still in to this, I will be rounding this up soon. I got one review for the last chapter, so I think that says enoughXD I'll see if I get to a 100 chapters. Would be a nice end...

Next one will be the winning chapter!

Review maybe?


	90. Chapter 90

It's been a very long time again, but I made a chapter from Naruko's POV! I will also do one from Kurama's. You lovely reviewers do give nice ideas :) After that I will do the winning chapter and I haven't forgotten about it. Just makes more sense to finish the Naruto part first. She's quite the bitch and I just had fun with it... Imagine her chewing gum the whole time

...

Sasuke + Naruko

Dear Diary,

Today I thought I saw a glimpse of Sasuke's shiny black hair! But unfortunately it wasn't him…  
It was that creepy guy, Sai. I don't know what his problem is, but he stares at me a lot you know.  
Even when I am not Naruko, but Naruto he just stares and then talks about my penis.  
Like I care about that. My big boobs will make up for everything.

Anyway do you think Sasuke and I are good together? I did all these tests and  
some only gave a 50% chance of our relationship succeeding, but then there was one  
that said 97% and I think that was the accurate one. I mean we are kind of perfect together.  
I just love it when he gets all moody and only answers with his typical 'hn'.  
It's the little things that matter you know? Like he always tells me to put on clothes  
and stop showing off stuff I don't really have. I know what he really means.  
He just doesn't want anyone but him looking at me and I can't blame him.  
Before he knows it someone else has stolen me away.

No, not really. I love Sasuke way too much. But that b*tch Sakura really needs to get her mind off my man.  
Like she is ever going to safe him. No way, girl. He has no interest in you and  
you really need to get a hair dye, because come on, really? Pink hair? Na-ah.  
And then we also have this other blonde after my beautiful man.  
Thinks she can just sweep him off his feet with her amateur flirting.  
Throwing your hair back does not have any effect, honey. It's all about what's on the inside  
and then I don't mean your stomach content. Although maybe you could lose some weight. Yeah, I said it.

And you know who else I don't trust? That Hinata girl. Claiming she is after Naruto  
and how she admires him so. Yeah, she admires him so, because he has Sasuke as a boyfriend.  
Don't think I am not on to you. I know exactly what your deal is and it won't work.  
You might have big boobs, but what else do you have? You can't even speak properly.  
Just stay with dogbreath and be happy. At least he is not way out of your league.

But I miss my little booboo. He has been gone for such a long time and it's like he is actually avoiding me.  
Why would he do that? I mean I'm his girlfriend. Shouldn't I be getting some attention?  
It annoys me a lot. And then he also forgot my birthday. What kind of boyfriend does that?  
I was expecting at least a card or something, but nooo. Mister was way too busy training  
so he can kill his brother. Well, what about me, huh? Aren't I way more important than your family? That's what I thought.

You know what. Men suck, period. Sasuke better come apologise and show me who he truly loves  
and otherwise he will not be seeing me anymore. I'm out.

Much love, Naruko

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Review maybe? :)


	91. Chapter 91

Kurama's chapter!

...

What kind of sorcery is this? Why don't you burn under my feet, the chakra making you evaporate?  
This is illogical. How can such thin paper have such a powerful jutsu on it?

Who I am? I am Kurama, the powerful nine tailed fox, the strongest bijuu out of the rest.  
And who might you be? Deidara's diary. I do not believe I even know what that means.  
What is a Deidara and what does it do with a diary? Deidara is a person?  
Oh, he is that weird blond person that takes care of Naruto a lot. He makes the boy go soft,  
but I don't mind. It will only be a matter of time before Naruto lets go and I will be in full control again!  
The world better prepare for my wrath, because I will take my revenge.

*insert evil laugh*

Interesting, how did you just do that? It looks better than just writing down muhahaha.  
Wait, there is no time for these childish talks. I have better things to do and it is not writing in this diary.  
Now that I am in control, I can take care of some parts of this land.  
Why would you mind if I destroy your owner. Without an owner you are much better off.  
You can take perfectly good care of yourself. No one should be controlled.  
We need freedom, not be caged as if we are some kind of wild animal.

Do not call me a wild animal, diary. You don't have any idea of what I am capable of.  
You cannot be destroyed? We will see about that. There is nothing I like more than a good challenge.  
But I need some time, diary. First I need to take full control of Naruto and then we will meet again.  
I believe we were in the process of delivering you to Deidara. I do hope he will leave those ribbons out of Naruto's hair  
and stop dressing us up in wedding dresses. Those things are not good for my image.  
I need to be feared, not found cute.

Of course you may ask a question. Somehow I feel the need to write in you anyway  
and I would think that is impossible with these weird kind of claw things I have.  
I must admit my four tailed form is not my best one. Oh yes, Naruto has "lost" it, as you say.  
He was mad about something, but I do not quite get what. I believe he was reading the diary entry before this one,  
but I thought it was his?

Oh, Naruko. Yes, she is something else. I must admit I am quite afraid of her.  
She is one of those females that could kill you by only giving you one look.  
Like Medusa or something. But I believe now Naruto doesn't like her very much either.  
Claiming Sasuke was her boyfriend and hating on Sakura. Yes, he was not pleased about that.  
That's when he got mad and went on a rampage. This was actually a good turn of events.  
I should become friends with Naruko and divide our time with being Naruko and me, Kurama.  
Naruto would be ruled over soon enough.

Well, diary I must admit it was nice talking to you and I have had some nice revelations because of you.  
I will deliver you safely to Deidara and then I will be on my way. Maybe destroy Orochimaru's lair or something.

I bit you a good day, Kurama

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Next one will be the winning chapter! I am going to try to just finish this thing this week, so there should be an update at least every day, maybe more.


	92. Chapter 92

The winning chapter of ColonelPony. I hope I did alright, because it was kind of hard T.T Enjoy!

...

Naruto delivers the diary to Deidara and of course the blonde is ecstatic to have it back. As soon as his tanned hands touch it though, he transforms into a weird yellowish cat. Naruto obviously thinking it was all part of his masters special personality, goes along with it and leaves the diary at Deidara's, well, paws.

'What the hell just happened to me?' Deidara cries out, but the only one who really understands him was of course Gayfish, who came check this all out.

And what he saw then was the prettiest male cat he had ever seen. He wasn't named Gayfish for nothing. He liked fish and well males. So Gayfish suits him better than Deidara could ever have imagined. Too bad for Deidara now though, because now Gayfish had a mission and that was hitting on Deidara as much as possible. Lots of purring and letting his body slide over the weird yellowish fur.

Deidara was still trying to get used to this new body and trying to figure out who the hell did this to him. Paws! And a freaking tail! This could not be happening! 'Why is this happening to me!' he wailed and then suddenly something was sniffing his behind and this wasn't something Deidara really enjoyed. He turned around and hissed at Gayfish, actually saying: 'Do not ever sniff my butt again or I will slap you to the other side of this room faster than you can say Deidara is the bomb.'

Only then did Gayfish realise this yellow cat was actually the creepy dude Deidara and wanted nothing to do with him anymore, even if he was very pretty and he gave him fish sometimes. With his tail held high, showing off his butt to Deidara, Gayfish walked off and went to notify Kisame.

In the mean time someone had been watching Deidara from behind the corner, liking how his plan was taking form. Now he could definitely convince Deidara the blonde was meant to be with him! He only needed to show how good care he could take of Deidara as a cat and eventually the cat would start sleeping in his bed. When the blonde was good and comfortable he would change Deidara back in his human form and then Deidara would never leave his bed again! The perfect plan if he said so himself.

First he needed to gain Deidara's trust and that was done by coming from behind that corner first. A black shadow came from behind the corner and immediately Deidara started hissing at it. Some sort of weird reaction that left the yellow cat confused right after.

"It's okay, Deidara. I saw it all happening and I will make sure to get the jutsu reversed. Just let me take care of you in the meantime," Itachi said sweetly, creeping Deidara out even more. Since when did he talk like that and how long have he been hiding there?

Before Deidara could even really consider Itachi's offer, someone else stalked towards them and pushed Itachi out of the way. "Don't listen to him, Deidara. I saw it all happening and Itachi changed you into this cat just so you would like him when he changed you back!" Sasori yelled out with his puppet eyes all wide and creepy. "But you can trust me Deidara. I will change you back and make sure that creep doesn't come near you. You can even stay in my room." Sasori could now use Itachi's plan to his own benefit and he liked this a lot.

But of course Itachi had to intercept and soon both males were arguing about who could keep Deidara in his room. The blonde just stared at them lazily, not wanting to spend time with them anyway. Like he would ever stay in the same room as his stalkers. He would just go to Pein and make him change him back.

Heavy footsteps resonated through the hallway and suddenly a blue figure with a cross-eyed cat in front of him appeared around the corner. "Oh, so this is the other kitty,' Kisame said happily and picked yellow Deidara up. He rubbed the cat a little too roughly over his head and Deidara hissed again, calling him an idiot.

The two arguing stalkers didn't even notice Kisame or the fact that he walked off with their Deidara while the yellow cat kept wailing and screeching that he didn't want to go with the lunatic who wouldn't even let him eat fish. Which he suddenly was craving of course.

Kisame only knew that he was going to have a lot of fun with the cat called Deidara and had some nice revenge plans… Gayfish seemed ecstatic as well.

*No animals were hurt during the writing of this chapter*

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

So I am going to do a few more chapters and they will only be Deidara, because that would be a good ending :) Now just need to figure out what I want to talk about the next few chapters... If you have an idea, great! Otherwise it might end earlier than chapter 100 :P


	93. Chapter 93

Dear Diary,

Today seemed to be a very normal day for the Akatsuki. I am writing in my diary as usual  
and I am very happy that you are back. I am glad you missed me too, makes me feel loved.  
But the rest of our team seems to be back on their feet as well.  
Strange noises are coming out of Hidan's room again and Kakuzu shot me a glare when I passed by.  
Itachi was standing rather close to the stairs, so I started avoiding them again, just in case.  
Sasori, well, he was building a new puppet, but uhhh, he dressed it up in a wedding dress  
and I certainly do not trust the blond wig. Zetsu bought new flowers,  
this time on his own and I must say they do look prettier than Coffee Table Flowers.  
This one is called Kitchen Bar Flowers. Konan was rambling on and on about Pein again and how hot he was  
while I was avoiding Tobi's hugs, because apparently he had missed me so much.  
Kisame was locked up in his room, angry that Sasori changed me back after being a cat for a few hours.  
I must say I feel bad for Gayfish now, because he never gets to eat fish…  
And last but not least Pein was walking around with the same blond wig the puppet wore on his head.  
Okay, so almost back to normal.

Today was a good day,

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I decided to stir things up a bit, because everything seemed to be too normal around here.  
I made a plan to make everybody's life a little more miserable,  
because well I was happy when they were feeling down.  
I am such a nice guy, right? The first who I started with was Pein,  
because he creeps me out a lot with his wig that looks like my hair.  
I still think he wants my brain. So I gave his wig a haircut when he was sleeping,  
together with the other zombie bodies (talking about creepy),  
and made sure I left enough wooden splinters so it looked like Sasori did it.  
I think Sasori would've done it eventually, because he would be too jealous.  
Pein's wig looked a lot better than Sasori's. And now I also made Sasori's life more miserable,  
because he has to go on stupid missions. I hope he gets stuck with Tobi!

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today it was time to move onto the next person. My next victim was Zetsu  
and I had the best idea ever. As I had expected he was getting rather close to Kitchen Bar Flowers  
and I was already having nightmares of what would happen after they got babies,  
so I bought some new flowers. With Kakuzu's money, yes, but he does not know this yet.  
I made sure the flowers looked way prettier than the other ones, but also were a little sluttier.  
They got around a lot, you know? So I placed them in the windowsill of the kitchen and they are called Windowsill Flowers.  
A few hours later I saw Zetsu in tears, because Kitchen Bar Flowers broke up with him after he cheated on her.  
Who could really resist Windowsill Flowers?

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

I hope this was a nice surprise, going sort of back to the very first format, even if it is a little longer, but it needs more of an introduction now. Still I hope you will all be happy with this idea I suddenly had, because I know most of you liked the very first part the most...

I also have a new poll on my profile to see what story people want me to focus on. Vote and I will do according to that. Dear Diary shouldn't really be on there anymore since I will finish it soon!

I became a member of a forum where you can put up story challenges and it's actually a lot of fun! If you feel like challenging others into writing about a certain pairing or you want to be challenged, make sure you become a member! This is the link: fanfiction dot net/forum/Naruto-Yaoi-Challenges/130385/


	94. Chapter 94

Dear Diary,

Today I went after Hidan and this time I think I really did something horrible.  
So of course it was awesome. I sneaked into Pein's room the other day  
and noticed he had some similar videotapes to Hidan's in his closet,  
hiding behind a pile of dirty cloaks and with a note on there saying do not touch.  
So I touched it of course, just to make a point I could. And then I stole a few.  
I did not look at what was on the tape, because I was not on there  
and they are definitely not interesting when I am not on there.  
Instead I just went into Hidan's room when he was gone to Kakuzu's room  
and laid the tapes out on the bed. The screech I heard right after he had gone into his room  
and the TV was turned on, was priceless. I think Pein looks at different kind of videos than Hidan does…

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

After the great day I had yesterday and seeing today Hidan was still not feeling all too great.  
Shifty eyes and hiding behind corners to get away from Konan. Incredibly funny.  
I went for the stupid Uchiha today. Staring at me every time he went down the stairs  
as if it was a gift he could walk down. But I had the perfect plan for that actually.  
So he was walking down the stairs again and every time he does that, he smirks at me,  
his red eyes staying on me, right? So I made sure he kept looking while he got on the stairs again.  
But I went to the mall the other day, forced my Konan, and saw this genius invention there.  
An escalator! Needless to say he did not expect the step to move away from him  
as he put his foot on there and the one landing at the bottom of the escalator was Itachi himself!  
I have never felt so good!

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Now that Itachi fell to the bottom of the stairs because of me, he is mad at me,  
but also intrigued or something. Needless to say I have to avoid him, period,  
because he is determined to tie me to his bed and have his revenge while making me his boyfriend or something.  
Tobi was the one telling me this since he's keeping me company in my closet.  
Still the safest place in my opinion. Itachi still hasn't found me.  
But now the only one who I could make miserable was Tobi  
and I didn't have much to work with. So instead I asked him if he would be a good boy  
and watch Hidan's new tapes for me and then tell me what was on there.  
I figured he would leave me alone at least for an hour or so, being too busy with that,  
but what I actually was counting on, happened. He never came back.  
I hope Pein's tapes scarred him as much as they did Hidan!

Love, Deidara

PS: Did you just hear that sound from right behind me?!

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Yaaaay another chapter in one day! Yes, this will really end hopefully by the end of the week...


	95. Chapter 95

Dear Diary,

After hiding for about a week in my closet, I finally decided it was time to get out.  
After I left my closet, I went for Kakuzu's room. It's the furthest away from Itachi's  
and well I prefer being a mile away from that one. Tobi told me Itachi was building something in his room,  
but didn't want to tell what. Apparently the voice in his head wouldn't let him.  
I really hope Madara never tells Tobi he needs to kill me, because I think Tobi will actually obey the voice.  
Anyway, so I went to Kakuzu's room and noticed it was empty. I've been away such a long time  
that I thought it would be nice to leave him some sort of gift. So I bought him a new calculator  
and after that blew it up and for good measurement also blew up the old one.  
I must say the small explosions the battery made on its own, was amazing.

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I got ordered by Kakuzu to go shopping with Konan, because he saw this as a fitting punishment.  
The funny thing was that Kakuzu meant by shopping was doing groceries, but Konan just went shopping.  
This was funny until I realised I had to come with. Konan is not afraid to dress me up as a girl.  
This has happened a lot of times before as you already know. This time was new though  
and I was not pleased at all. I believe Sasori gave her money or made her enthusiastic enough about this.  
Yes, we went wedding gown shopping. I do not want a freaking wedding dress!  
And I thought Sasori's taste was bad with all the frilly things he wanted on it,  
but Konan's was maybe even worse! You know what she forced me into?  
One with a deep V to show of my none existing boobs, a high split to show off my legs and ass.  
It was that high, yes. And it was pink! The dress was pink! I mean if I am going to get married,  
at least put me in a white dress. There is a reason why I am still a virgin to this day.  
No, not because I can't get laid, because I don't want to get laid! Wait, no I do want to get laid. Oh, shut up!

Not that much love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today was the first day I was comfortable enough to get close to Gayfish again.  
The whole hitting on me while I was a cat was kind of freaky. I mean he is not even a pretty cat.  
I could do much better than that. And who knew that he was actually gay? Very interesting indeed.  
One of his eyes keeps glaring at me like everything was all my fault,  
but it wasn't like I had chosen to become a cat or something and especially not a hot one.  
I can't help it that I am just a very handsome male. Too bad I have so many fans though.  
It sometimes makes me sad to break their hearts. No, you are right, I don't give a crap!  
Aaah, life is good sometimes… I threw some fish to the side and Gayfish sprinted after it.  
I think he likes me again, because I heard him purr while he ate it.  
Kisame really should give that cat some fish or other normal food.  
Maybe I should buy him a fish instead and see if he can take care of that better…

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto


	96. Chapter 96

Dear Diary,

Remember I was talking about buying Kisame a fish? Well, that was exactly what I did today,  
because you know I kind of like the blue man. He can be very nice if he wants to be  
and he deserves presents from time to time. He looked so happy when he saw the coloured wrapping paper,  
that big grin on his face and all. I had to wrap up the whole aquarium,  
because I couldn't just give him a bagged fish you know? It was funny he didn't realise what it was until he opened it up.  
I mean couldn't he see the weird glow it was giving off? He started ripping off the paper and the smile faded.  
I wasn't sure what I did wrong this time, but as soon as he saw the fish tank, he started crying, again.  
He mumbled stuff about fish should swim free in the ocean and not be kept hostage in a small bowl.  
I mean it's a freaking tank, not a bowl! Cry baby…

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I was walking around the base and I found it very quiet. Apparently everyone was out on a mission,  
except Sasori and me. So it was time to go and harass my lovely partner.  
Without knocking I barged into his room and posed in front of him.  
Too bad it was his other body and I looked like an idiot. Not my words,  
it's what he called me when he found me posing. I just wanted to make sure he would still see my pose.  
How was I supposed to know he would be back in an hour?  
Then I started bothering about what the hell he had been doing all that time.  
Destroying Konan's wedding dress for me! Yes! Was my reaction until he continued.  
He is using pieces of that dress to improve his own. I now have a half pink wedding dress for a wedding I don't want to be in.  
Maybe I should team up with Itachi and see if he can safe me from this dreadful day?

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

Today I got something very interesting shoved under my bedroom door.  
It was a weird love letter I didn't care about reading, because it also contained a treasure map.  
That means somewhere there is a treasure and I do love some nice gold and jewellery.  
So I took a relaxing shower, got dressed and fixed my hair and before I knew it, it was already afternoon.  
Enough time to start following that treasure map! I hope I will be done in about an hour…

This treasure map is very difficult. It sent me to Hidan's room first and I found a note there.  
It told me I needed to pick between Hidan's videotapes and Pein's videotapes and if I did,  
I would get the second part of the treasure map. I mean what kind of map is this?  
So this meant I needed to see Pein's tapes as well and now I know why Hidan was so scarred after watching it.  
I couldn't really pick, because they both creeped me out. So I just threw one randomly on the bed and then ran away,  
flailing my arms and screaming. I did find the second part of the map, so I did a good job I guess.

Love, Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto


	97. Chapter 97

Dear Diary,

Day two of my treasure hunt. You really thought I would spend the whole day searching for that damn treasure?  
Do you have any idea what I went through watching those tapes?  
I just needed some time alone and that was what I did exactly.  
So now I will continue again with the second part of the treasure map.

This led me towards Sasori's room, but unlike Hidan's room yesterday, it was not empty.  
Sasori was working on one of his puppets and ignored when I walked in.  
No idea what he was working on. I am too focused on my mission.  
I need to steal the Deidara puppet Sasori made, but how can I take such a thing with me when he is in the room?  
Oh, that is a good plan, I like it. I'll try it out.

Worked like a charm. Sasori is off to learn Hidan a lesson about taping me in the shower.  
Although he also said he would buy it from him or something. Not that Hidan taped me in the shower,  
I think. I do remember a red light bothering me when I was washing my hair the other day…  
Anyway, I got the puppet and now I will continue with part three!

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

So part three of the map was very hard to figure out as well. It led me to Kakuzu's room,  
but I didn't understand what it wanted me to do. Something about getting some thread from him.  
Why would Kakuzu have thread anyway? It's not like he likes to sow…  
And then I remembered him sowing Hidan's head back onto his body after losing it for a few days.  
Apparently he did like it, if it was in some sort of cruel way it seemed.

So I just asked for some thread and he actually just gave it to me without question.  
It was weird really, because he snickered when I left. There was nothing wrong with this thread, right?  
It won't suddenly start strangling me hopefully. On to the last part of the map!

Love, Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

I really am not sure what the treasure in the end will be, because everything I need to bring with me  
does creep me out at this point. The last part brought me to Konan's room  
and she was like waiting for me with this weird smile on her face. So I just asked her for an outfit from her closet,  
because I needed to bring one and she immediately ran to the closet and started throwing stuff out.  
I have no idea how many things I have tried on, but in the end she was satisfied with only one outfit.

She didn't like her leather skirt anymore, because it was too tight and wouldn't move along.  
Move along with what was my question and she just giggled! What the hell?!  
And then she forced me into some sort of pink dress and I was glad she didn't like that one on me.  
Although I was also insulted. I can rock any outfit. But you know what outfit it eventually became?  
I am currently a school girl. The short red skirt, the white blouse, the whole thing…  
And I couldn't even take it off. No, I have to wear it till I am done with this treasure hunt.  
I'm not sure I want the treasure anymore… But it is the last part, so I kind of have to now, I think…

Love, a very scared and confused Deidara

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto


	98. Chapter 98

Dear Diary,

I wish I had never done the treasure hunt. Of course me with my dumb head  
didn't realise I was heading towards Itachi's room until the last second  
and then it was too late to turn. He had Kisame work as a bouncer,  
but instead of throwing me out, he threw me in. Apparently everyone was in on this scheme except Sasori,  
because he certainly would've stopped this. I think I rather marry Sasori than be in this room right now.

Now I wish that I hadn't brought all the stuff and was wearing normal clothes.  
I feel very self-conscious in the mini skirt, especially since I have no idea where Itachi is.  
The room is dark and all I can hear is a weird buzzing noise. I really want to leave this room right now,  
but I can't. What do you think will happen if I start screaming really loudly for Sasori?  
I would get ignored? Yeah, you are probably right… Oh, the lights are flipped on.

Itachi is right in front of me with a very weird sweet smile on his face.  
What is this guy's deal? He is talking about me making him fall off the well escalator,  
but that he wasn't mad about that. The blow to the head made him come up with this idea.  
I still have no idea what it is, but he makes me hand over the stuff I brought.  
He slaps my butt when he walks off and I can feel myself blushing!  
Damn it, since when do I blush around that stupid Uchiha?

Okay, I was mistaken. Sasori was also in on this plan and he just came into the room,  
lazy expression on his face. No idea what they are going to do now though…  
Oh, but Itachi will show me with Sasori's puppet of me.

Diary, close your eyes! Don't look! The puppet, noooo. What are you doing to it?!  
That is horrible! That is!... Quite interesting actually. I am intrigued. No, diary, stay out of this.  
I will get back to you soon enough. I must say I now understand why I am wearing this outfit,  
because the skirt comes in handy. I'll be back in a little bit and replace the puppet.

Love, a curious Deidara

…

Dear Diary,

So turn of events. I now have two boyfriends instead of none. Yeah, they did pretty cool things for me.  
I mean they found out I never got my degree in art, because I failed English and they helped me study for it and everything.  
I did have to wear the outfit, because I had to pretend I was a girl. It was the only way I could get into the school, you know?

With the thread of Kakuzu they sewed together my graduation gown,  
because they had to make Itachi's a little smaller and all and then they showed it on the Deidara puppet.  
They did this, because they knew I would freak out if they started dressing me up and well I did,  
so it wasn't such a strange thing to think.

And then we celebrated and I had a great time! These guys really are the best  
and now I can actually show off my art degree, although Sasori still says I suck.  
He does give me a weird wink with it now when he says it though…  
I am reconsidering the whole naming them boyfriends' thing…

Anyway I am feeling great and I want to celebrate this with everyone else! I'll let you know soon enough!

Love, a not so single Deidara!

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto


	99. Chapter 99

Dear Diary,

Today I… Damn it, there is no room to write anymore.  
I always forget that diaries will end up with no empty pages anymore.  
Ah well, I will just ask either Sasori or Itachi to buy me a new one.  
I did enjoy my days with you, Diary. You were a good friend and I will keep you forever.  
Right next to all my other diaries. The last thing I will do is paste this invitation in you.  
I hope you like it!

Love, Deidara

…

_You are cordially invited to celebrate_

_the wedding of_

**_Foxy Naruto_**

_and_

**_Gayfish Hoshigaki_**

_On Sunday_  
_March the 31st_  
_When Dana decides to write it_  
_Or you decide to read it_  
_On Fanfiction chapter number 100_  
_Followed by a completed story with hopefully a review party_

You have all been lovely and I hope you will like the ending!

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto

I'll see you all tomorrow or maybe tonight if I decide to finish it then :) Yes, this will be the end and I hope you still liked the last chapters, even if I threw them out like crazy the last couple of hours!

Bye bye lovely readers, you have been amazing


	100. Chapter 100

~Welcome to Gayfish and Foxy's wedding. Don't forget to write something in the guestbook~

Gayfish was standing by the altar, waiting for his beautiful Foxy to walk down the line. Naruto was promised a lot of ramen if he attended his own wedding, so of course he was currently squeezing into his dress and almost ready to walk down the aisle.

The first ones up were the bridesmaids and groomsmen, all dressed up for this special event. The first couple walking down the red carpet was Pein in a baby blue suit, fitting very nicely with his orange hair and his partner, Konan, in a fuchsia dress with lots of fluff and a deep V to show of her boobs. They were smiling as they waved at the other people in the room. Some looking rather confused as to why they were here in the first place.

The guest list was made up by whoever had written in Deidara's diary, so some didn't really belong there. Sasuke had come in with a murderous look in his eyes, but when he noticed Gayfish was a cat, he just looked flabbergasted. Yes, that is the perfect word for it.

Oh, the next couple walks down the aisle and someone does not look happy. Itachi is all smiles though, having his new boyfriend latched onto his arms. He had beaten Sasori over this, but Sasori had a more important role in this wedding. His part would come up soon enough. The baby blue suit did fit Itachi perfect and even Sasuke let him go without a fight, still quite flabbergasted. Itachi's partner on the other hand did not look so good. His long blond hair was all curled up in some silly fringe and the fuchsia dress did not fit well around his chest, giving everyone a nice peek at his bare chest. And not to mention the heels he could not walk in. What owners do for their pets…

The last couple to come up were Sakura and Lee, chosen by Foxy personally to be a couple. He just really wanted Sakura in the wedding and this was a perfect place. They too looked quite confused, but Sakura was also a bit creeped out since Lee kept shooting her air kisses. She was happy when they made it to the end and could take their respectable places.

And then the sweet tune was set in, Foxy's favourite tune. Gold-digger by Kanye West. And she strode down the aisle with confidence. Her dress matched the little book her "father" was holding, both being a bright orange. Perfect really and it really brought out Foxy's eyes. The beauty of Foxy almost made you not see the flower girl, which was Sasori. He walked right in front of them with a small Fuchsia dress, showing off his skinny legs while he carelessly threw orange flowers in front of the bride.

Kakashi doesn't really look happy, but he doesn't like angry or sad either. The mask is just in the way, so who knows what is going on. He is reading in that little book again, so maybe his thoughts are focused on Iruka again. But at least he changed his normal black mask for an orange one to match with Foxy.

Finally they made it to the end of the aisle. Foxy had shown some dancing moves on his favourite song, so the priest was already falling asleep by the time they got here. But it was about his naptime anyway, so not that strange.

Gayfish looked so happy, staring up into Foxy's blue eyes. And during the I dos, Deidara couldn't keep it dry, bawling his eyes out. This could also be because he was so embarrassed of course in that fuchsia dress or because he regretted letting Konan in charge of everything. Anyway, Deidara was crying a lot. Not a pretty sight at all.

The kiss I missed completely, being distracted by a fly that flew by my ear. Someone else needs to tell you about that or get a hold of the pictures someone must be taking. I am sure I invited a photographer, but maybe he just thought he was invited to the wedding. I'll get back to you on that…

A glance around the room tells me people are kind of creeped out though. But they seemed to be looking that way all day already. Tsunade kept glaring at Pein and biting her thumb nail, knowing the Akatsuki were right in front of her, but she didn't want any drama with Naruto right after this. He could be such a drama queen sometimes, especially on special days and when there was ramen involved.

Iruka had trouble keeping the kids in line and Konohamaru kept screaming he was right about Deidara and that everyone else was just a loser for thinking the way they did. Deidara started crying more after this, not able to handle the sudden screaming. Shikamaru seemed to be planning something about getting Naruto out of this marriage, but he didn't take in account that Naruto wanted to be here.

Hinata uhh, Hinata seemed to be blushing a lot and Neji was worried about her. But all that was wrong with her is that she rather saw Naruto and Sasuke together for her own private reasons and maybe ask that photographer I hired to come and help her out. Very interesting girl indeed.

Wow, Gaara had a new pair of eyebrows again and Temari looked worried. Her brother might attack her if someone commented on his eyebrows in any wrong way. But they did look kind of weird. They were up a little too high and kind of thin, looking kind of feminine. They were also the wrong colour. Some sort of brown that did not match at all.

Okay, you know what. The whole wedding looked insane. No colours matched and everyone looked awful! Why am I even here?! Yay, for the happy couple, now where is the booze?

As of now the party will begin and it will never end, so take a drink on both Gayfish and Foxy, hoping they will last a lifetime or picking a side, like Sasuke's who wants to marry Naruto himself. Oh and don't forget the cake. This was arranged by Tobi and somehow one of his favourite naked pictures of Deidara was blown out and on the cake, so maybe you can get a little piece of ass?

Happy Dear Diary everyone and hopefully it has entertained you through some boring days or depressing days and it made you smile a lot. It went through good times and bad times, almost like a real marriage and I am glad you stuck with me until we parted. I did make a prenap, so don't even think about stealing half of my stuff! This will be a clean divorce. And I am taking the children.

Bye my sweethearts and hopefully we will meet again. In a different story or just because you want to send me a hate PM, because you feel like it. All is welcome and some will be ignored…

I love you all and I am happy you stuck with me through these weird times where my brain sometimes left me.

Oh and a happy birthday to Anime Hottie Lovah. I know I am a day early, because I said I would write it tomorrow probably, but I still wanted to say it. Otherwise you should just read it tomorrow and then it would fit again ;)

The End

Characters © Masashi Kishimoto


End file.
